Thursday, October 30, 2008

Feeling a little better

Ok so I have had a day or so to get my thoughts off that doctor I saw on Tues and I have decided maybe he didn't intend to come off as rude and stuff. I know what I have to do (and have been working on it) and I just hope it pays off in the long run. I know that I can and will overcome this trial as I have many others in my life! For now I am still walking with crutches when i go out places, (not so much at home though.... still sometimes) and i am going to wait until my appointment with DR Davis to determine what exactly is going on and what is going to be done about it! :)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Oks so yesterday when I blogged my dr appointment I forgot one of the most interesting parts of the conversation about me going swimming for exercise this is kinda how it went:

DR: Can you swim?
ME: Yes I have many friends who have told me I could swim at their house anytime I want.
DR: They are not going to heat their pool through the winter just for you.
ME: Well my Bishop (it was actually Pres Walden) told me that I could call him anytime to come over about an hour later to use his jacuzzi
DR: That wouldn't work because you can't move around enough to burn calories. Could you go to the Y or somewhere for a pool?
ME: Well I used to go to 24 hour fitness but I don't currently have my membership active
DR: Can you swim there?
ME: Yes they have an outdoor pool
DR: Well would you use it?
ME: Yeah (as I was thinking I would rather go to my friends house though, and that I don't have the money for a membership)

It seemed like the whole appointment he was second guessing everything I said, that I wasn't listening to what he was saying. At the beginning of the appointment he was like "why are you here?" and I told him Dr Davis sent me for a second opinion. SO then he was like "what did Dr Davis expect from me?" SO I told him that I was told they often send people for a second opinion to get an outside opinion to see if they are overlooking something. But then for wahtever reason all my dr's office gave me to take was my MRI's and my MRI's had their reports so he through a big fit that all they sent me with was that and not any surgical report or dr's notes etc to know what they had done (even though I told him what has happened so far) In fact come to think of it he never even asked HOW I injured myself! UGH.... whatever! This is really frustrating but I think I will end there before I say something I shouldn't say!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


Well yesterday was my weight watchers meeting. I lost .6 pounds. It wasn't as much as I would like and even though I was glad it was a loss I was really disappointed as well. It is really hard because I can't be active because of my knee. Then I think back to about a year ago when I was like 40 pounds lighter than I am today. At that time I was doing well, I was active both at work and socially, I was riding my bike anywhere from 3-5 nights a week and so I was on a good track to continually losing weight and being healthier. Than in December is when I injured my knee, bike riding was out and as it slowly got worse I was tolerating less and less. I had my surgery and my weight went up a little but I knew I was a lot less active post-op but I knew that as I recovered I had been gaining activity again. I was working my way back to bike riding. Than I re-injured it, and it has continued to hurt more and more and I have been able to do less and less. So its hard because I am trying to lose weight based only on my food intake. I cannot increase my exercise and so I am not losing as fast as I have in the past. It is hard! So even though .6lbs was a loss and better than a gain it was still a little upseting knowing that I have gained weight because of my knee and I am struggling to lose weight because of my knee. This is a really trying time for me.

Well today I went to the doctor for my 2nd opinion. It was a fancy office. Very Beverly Hills like, everything seemed as if I shouldn't touch it because I couldn't afford to break anything. I filled out my paperwork and waited for them to call my name. I went in and was put in a room. The nurse asked my info some general questions and stuff that I could've easily filled out much faster than telling her and waiting for her to write it all down. In fact it was all the history stuff that most dr offices do have the patient fill out anyway.... So then the dr came in.

Right off the bat when knowing I was there for knee pain he was like "well I am going to be the bad guy and tell you it's because of your weight." I tried to tell him what I included in the top paragraph and he didn't seem to want to listen. He continued to tell me what my weight should be etc before asking my current conditions in full, what my dr had said and why I was there for a second opinion. He was kinda treating me as if I am lazy and ignorant of the fact that I am overweight! I wanted to cry! Anyways eventually he did get to my complaints and stuff and looked at my MRI's etc and did more of a general evaluation of my knee. He told me that I should be swimming daily and that I should be icing my knee 4x a day. He eventually told me he thinks I have Pes Anserine Bursitis (aka goosefoot) of my knee. That he doesn't think it is a joint problem. He told me that whoever read my last MRI mis-read it. He said that my ACL is basically gone but he doesn't think I am a good candidate at this time for an acl repair. He suggested that Dr Davis place me on a stronger anti-inflammatory, that I ice it, and swim and the biggest thing )which he told me over and over again as if I was ignoring him and hadn't told him I am watchign my eating and doing weight watchers) is I need to lose weight. He said overall having brusitis instead of a joint injury is a good thing. He said that there is signs of arthritis behind my knee. He told me that I can walk on it and that he would send his suggestions to Dr Davis. (Who I don't see until Nov 10th). He gave me some info on bursitis (which says to rest and discontinue why is he telling me to walk???) So anyways that is where I stand (or rather not stand...) with my knee! The paper he gave me doesn't say much about bursitis so I think later I will be online looking up more stuff!


So I tend to spend more money than I should. I have gotten myself into trouble and since I have been out of work I have been running into more and more trouble. Times are tight and my budgeting skills have never really existed.....until now. Every time I thought I was on track I would mess it up somehow. Tonight I spent a long time on the phone tonight with a debt management counselor. He was really nice and answered a lot of questions for me. I am thankful I made that phonecall (and thankful for my Bishop suggested who I needed to call) The debt management agency has worked out a debt management plan for me that is completely feasible for me at this time in my life. It is taking into consideration my current disability situation and finances because of it, as well as all my other necessities! I know I have made the right choice. I know that the commitment I am going to make will better my credit and everything else in the long run and I am excited for it! I did something I always said I was going to do and I finally cut up my credit cards. I wanted to keep at least one so that I would have it in an emergency but I knew that would lead to more problems. (plus they are kinda maxed out currently anyway...) I plan to pay them all off first and then when they send me replacement cards (once mine expire) I will have had time to be financially in control and won't have the need to use them. So then I can safely place one in my wallet for an emergency. It is going to be a long road but the nice thing is that I know once I am back at work (or at a new job) and have insurance benefits again that I will then be able to double my debt payments and so that will help me to pay it off faster. Then in about a year my car will be paid off as well, so that money can also go to paying it off!! It is amazing! I know that my prayers have been answered! I was hesitant to go to my Bishop and tell him of my struggles but I knew I had to do it! I have gotten a lot of lessons in humility lately and I am glad that it is helping me to grow! Who knows before long I may be able to move out like my sister is doing.... But I know she is just as bad as me (if not worse) so I have a feeling that even though she thinks she is ready and can handle it, she is in for a big wake up call! I just hope she can make the right choices as well! Life is bueno!

Slowly my trials are starting to teach me, I am learning a lot and growing more each day. I heard someone say in their testimony once that you cannot feel the growing in life because it doesnt feel like growing! I know its true!~ It is often way after the trials that we receive the blessings and am able to see how I have grown! Someone else once said that you cannot change the waves or storms of the sea but you can adjust the sail! My sail is finally facing the right direction and I have a feeling the seas are calming down a bit. I still have plenty of other trials and many waves and storms to pass but this is one thing that is lowering my stress levels! I am feeling a little less seasick and starting to enjoy the view!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Sunday Best

Well today has been long and tiresome and since my knee was really sore all day that didn't help much! I had to go to church early today to go to a meeting since Laura couldn't. I was supposed to be there at 11am but for some reason I was thinking 11:30.... I got there around 11:15 (which I heard the meeting started late anyway so it was ok). Then usually I am actually there at 12:15 for a different meeting. Anyway as I was rushing out the door I realized I hadn't yet eaten anything so I made a pb&j sandwich (strawberry jelly.... I don't care for grape) and ate it on my way to church. Went to the one meeting then we kinda didn't really have the second one (we talked in the foyer but never really had our "meeting"). Church goes from 1-4pm. Sacrament was first and that was when my knee started hurting. (I don't know why all I had done was sit in a couple meetings) so after sacrament I went to my car and took a pain pill. Went to sunday school and relief society (still hurting) and then after church my home teacher and I visited. It was really nice! (except as you may have guessed....still hurting) so needless to say I got home around 5pm! Well tonight was our ward fireside with a member of the Stake Presidency speaking and my mom was just barely starting dinner at 5:30 so I ate a couple pickle spears and some crackers and I went to the fireside. After teh firseide I ate one cookie and was out the door to head across town to another church building for a stake rs leadership training meeting. I got there about 7:05, the opening hymn had jsut started. Was training until 8:30 or so, then mingled a little (there was pie) and finally got home to eat dinner around 9:10. I am not sure where the "best" part comes in.... but that was today's "Sunday Best" oh and its now after midnight and I am still hurting.... tomorrow I plan to call the doctor to have them refill the pain pills. Not that the vicodin removes the pain, but sometimes it helps for a little while.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Truth Be Told...

I have AMAZING friends! Just thought you should know! Oh and yes you should be jealous!!! Have a great day!!! :) :) :) :) :)


Ok so if you know me at all, you should know that I am pretty much a klutz! I am constantly getting bruises and such and it seems since I had my knee surgery I tend to slip frequently. Well since the whole "not allowed to walk" thing I haven't done much slipping lately :) Unfortunately I have still been sore though! UGH... but on that note I do have my appointment on Tues 28th to get my second opinion from another orthopaedic. So hopefully that goes well and we can figure something out! Well slipping is sort of the topic of my blog, but my knee isn't so I am sort of off topic! On with my story:
So a few nights ago my parakeet Crayola passed away. I've had her for almost 3 1/2 years. She was a fun pet. Anyways since she passed away and I have no other birds I have some bird seed that would essentially go unused. Well my first thought was to spread it throughout either the front or back yard and let the wild birds go at it. But then I thought that mayh not be a good idea for what grass we do actually have there. So I was considering my other options. I knew I didn't want to throw it away because why should I waste good bird seed when there are birds who can enjoy it?? Well you may or may not know we have been doing some "remoldeling" of sorts within our house lately. We no longer have carpeting and soon we will have hardwood flooring installed. But before we could install it there were two walls my mom wanted to remove. So those walls are now gone. So essentially we have a pile of lumber on the front porch. The walls that were removed were actually like half walls. They came up about 4 feet or so (I don't really know how high they were) and then it was open from there to the ceiling. But in several spots along this half wall were these pillars that were cut with a pattern of sorts. I remembered that in this pile of wood we have two of those pillars. I had an idea. I could use the pillars and put a base on the bottom and then a base on top. On the top one I could put a bird house and I could put an edge on it so that the base could hold birdseed to attract the birds to the house. I told my mom of my idea and she told me that we had a bird house on the front porch that my grandma's third husband had made. She said I could use it.
So this evening I decided I wanted to work on my project. I first needed to cut down the pillar so that it wasn't as tall. So I took two bricks to lay it across so that it was raised from the ground and I could cut through the wood. My sister helped hold the pillar in place by sitting on it while I had the saw and cut the ends. So then she went inside to do whatever. Initially I was going to use a large piece of wood and cut my base and top from it when I noticed something else in my wood pile that was a better option. Recently when I had gotten the new window my shutters were removed. They were still here. The design on the shutter I realized was a much better option. One it was going to be easier to cut than the larger piece of wood and the way it was there was already wood around the top that would be good for holding the seed. I decided to use my shutter instead.
Well before I could cut the shutter to get the pieces I needed for my birdhouse stand I needed to remove the old nails from the shutter. I decided to sit on the brick to do this. As I was attempting to sit I didn't realize how low to the ground the bricks were... I misjudged and when i wasn't sitting when I expected too I ended up falling backwards. Well behind the brick I was attempting to sit on was..... another brick. I feel against that brick and basically came down on its edge. It hurt and I knew I was going to be bruised from this incident.... I opted at that point not to sit on any bricks and remained standing for the nail removal. I continued with my project and a short time later finished my birdhouse stand thing.

It looks pretty ghetto (and it is) but I think its fun. Eventually I plan to get some spray paint to improve it's appearance. Oh and it does stand on its own, but I put it against the wall anyway. (incase you got any silly ideas about it maybe not being sturdy or something) When I finished it was getting dark, so I put some seed on it but there were not really any birds around. Hopefully they will come. Isn't that how it goes "if you build it, they will come" ??? Anyways I have included some pictures of my ghetto bird feeder/house. As well as one of my injury to my leg! It hurts... Being at the top of my thigh towards the outside, it is in a bad location for a girl who has to do a lot of sitting! Especially since I have been using the wheelchair to get around the house to avoid the crutches! Hopefully it heals soon! Well all have a great night!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Self Reward

So today I went to my second Weight Watchers meeting. I lost 1.2 pounds last week. It isn't as much as I would have liked, but considering I am non-active currently (or supposed to be any way) I am proud of that! It makes me feel good to be back on track and watching my food intake. About 2 years ago I did weight watchers with some friends from work, I did really well and had lost over 30 pounds which since my knee injury I have gained back this year plus some. But considering that I don't have friends doing it with me this time and my activity level has stopped it's a lot different than before. Because we were doing it together instead of going to meetings we would sort of do our own meetings we would weigh in together and regularly share experiences together. We also walked together at the beach after work! It was our way of keeping on track. But now I don't talk to one of them anymore and the other is in N. Carolina so I am going to the meetings for my support. SO far it's been good. My meeting leader is really sweet. She is an older lady and I am pretty sure I am the youngest in that meeting time but I feel really welcomed. I am glad I am doing this! It is going to bring such a change in my life. I cannot wait for my clothes to start feeling loose again and even more so I cannot wait to have to buy new ones because they are too big all together! It is going to be amazing! I also know that losing weight can make a huge difference in the pressure on my knee so that should help ease some of my knee pain. It will also make me start feeling better about myself again! I know that I shouldn't let my size affect my self image but it does.

I decided tonight though that aside from the health benefits and everything else I will gain from losing weight I am going to inspire myself by rewarding myself. Tonight I put $5 in an envelope. I gave the envelope to my Mom to keep in a safe place for me. I told her for every pound I lose I need to give her $5 for my envelope. I have always wanted an IPOD but I don't have one yet, so I told her that could be my first goal. The newest Ipod, the Ipod touch looks really cool and has the games and stuff available for it, I really want it. So with my first significant weight loss I will have enough money to reward myself with the new ipod touch! I also will need to eventually get myself a nice keyboard or electric piano since Renee will be taking hers to Utah at either Thanksgiving or Christmas so once that is gone I will have nothing to practice on. So that is another goal! (It may get pushed in front of the ipod because I don't want to lose my chance to practice and lose what small amount of piano skills I have gained so far) They have some piano's at Costco right now. They have 3 different ones there ranging in size and price. I think I would like the middle one. I may be able to get that one around New Years if I can lose about 10lbs per month. (which is around the same amount of time it took me to lose 30lbs two years ago, and the same time that Renee will likely take her piano, so in reality it's a good first goalm and totally accomplishable!) Then my third goal is to save the money to be able to go to the Santa Barbara Zoo and do their "Zookeeper for a Day" program. I would love to work with the elephants! It is a dream of mine and since I have a lot of weight to lose and I also need my knee to be fixed before I can do that I put it as my third goal. By the time I lose all that weight I should be at my healthy body weight for my height and be skinnier than I have ever been! I will also be enjoying things that I haven't been able to because I am really bad at budgeting my money so I can just never seem to afford to buy those things! So with my first 1.2 pounds I am on my way to a lot of amazing things!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Is it furry in here??

Or is it just me??? Ok so my Oscar the Grouch costume didn't turn out quite like I hoped but it was fun anyway! It was really hot to wear but I got a lot of compliments so it was worth it. Although I was kind of disappointed because they didn't do a costume contest!!! What's up with that?? I have a good feeling I would've won. Oh and incase you didn't know... I am a celebrity! There were some asian girls at the activity (Chinese I think) and they wanted a picture with me! They even did the tourist asian peace sign thing for the picture! :) I think that means I won the non-existant costume contest even though you couldnt tell that my "trash can" was a trash can while I was in the wheelchair, and I made Oscars pet worm Slimey a little too small in proportion to the rest of me. It was fun! I did do a lot of shedding though! I think most people even if they didn't hug me or anything probably went home with a little bit of Oscar! When we were at the fabric store they had a different kind of furry fabric that I liked a lot more than the one I got, and it probably wouldn't have shed but they didn't have any in green :( but it worked out anyway! Well I hope you enjoy the pictures, a lot of people who were there couldn't believe that I made the costume myself (with some help from my Mom and a little bit from my sisters, but mostly I did it) It took about 7 hours just to do the head than there was the "shirt", slimey the worm, the trash can, and my mom made me some booties so that at the bottom of the trash can my feet were covered to look furry as well! It was awesome! It's crazy, I already had blisters on both thumbs from teh wheelchair, but I also burned my left thumb and forefinger with the hot glue so I have lots of band-aid fingers :)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Oscar the Grouch

That is what I decided to be for Halloween. I decided this a couple weeks ago and I am really excited about it. When I thought about wanting to be Oscar the ideas came pouring in and I started writing them down and drawing pictures and so forth as to how I was going to do the costume. Than just last week I found out the Halloween party/dance at church is this coming Fri the 17th! Way too soon! Now I am trying to get all my ideas together and get my costume made (and at the same time it has to be crutches friendly... UGH I won't be doing much dancing but I want to go) but it is so hard to do anything with my shadow around and he seems to never sleep!!! The hardest part is I need to use a tunnel toy thing he has for my trash can and I can't get it out and cover it and stuff to make it look like a trash can because he is always awake! It's time to get sneaky!! Anyways we are going to try and get the trash can done tonight (if we can get him to sleep first) and then tomorrow its time for a trip to the fabric store to get the supplies for the rest of my costume! Picture to come later :)

Tears and Fears

Ok so i started to write this blog and did something and it all went bye-bye. So I've waited and now am ready to re-type it all. (well not really ready to per-say but I have no choice if I plan to share it here). So Mon afternoon was my doctor appointment to get my MRI results. First off since my Dad came home from the hospital on Sat I am not the sole babysitter of my nephews now so before my appointment I finally got to go to a weight watchers meeting. I have been wanting to do so for awhile now but wasn't able to. I decided it is about time I start paying more attention again (I lost over 30 pounds on weight watchers before but because of my lack of activity with the knee problems I've gained most of that back and then some unfortunately) so I am getting back on track there! So I went to the meeting and started up again. Then went from there to my 1:30 appointment. I got there and pretty much immediately they brought me back. Now luckily I had brought a book with me because I ended up waiting there until after 2pm when Adam (Physicians Assistant) came in. He asked how I had been doing and stuff and I told him the truth, that its not much better than before. Using the crutches to walk with has helped a little but it still gets sore etc. He had me get on the table and checked some stuff and told me what the MRI report said. Basically it showed nothing new. He said it mentioned some bruising on the patella (knee-cap) and something about the top of the Tibia but both things were noted more towards the outside of the knee and my pain is primarily on the inside so they don't think it is related. He told me they were going downstairs to get the actual copies of teh MRI films for him and Dr. Davis to look at personally, and to discuss any possible options. So he left me waiting some more! Need less to say I got to read a lot of my book during the time at the dr's office! So after he came back he said they too didn't notice anything. He said because it has only been about 4 weeks since the final Euflexxa injection there is still a chance it may make a difference. He said if I had noticed any changes after the cortisone injection they could maybe do another (but I hadn't) so it wouldn't really be worth it to try. So he said they are kind of at a loss as to what to try. So they suggested getting a second opinion. He said that it is common for them to send patients for a second opinion because often since they have been treating me this whole time they could easily be overlooking something. He said they send patients to other orthopaedics as well as others send their patients to them for second opinions. He said in the meantime to completely stay off the knee. So now instead of walking with the crutches I am supposed to actually be "crutching" with them. I have to wait for the insurance approval and authorization to come through for the other ortho to then make an appointment. I have my MRI films and reports and after I see the other dr I can follow up again with Dr Davis and Adam. So I did a lot of crying on Mon. It is kind of a relief for the MRI to have been clear, but it is really frustrating too because they don't know what is causing the pain! It is hard for me to use the crutches because I am scared to re-aggravate my wrist problems. It feels like I am stuck in a losing situation!

I did have a smart idea though after the fact. I can use a wheelchair for as much as I can when not at home and stuff instead of the crutches and that would help a lot, because I can use my right leg to kind of walk the chair as well as the wheels. So it wouldn't be as much pressure on my bad wrist! So I texted a friend who I knew had a wheelchair (because I have borrowed it in the past) to see if I could temporarily borrow it again and possibly for a little bit of a longer time. I was then also looking at classified ads online thinking that maybe if I could find one that was reasonably inexpensive I could purchase one and not have to keep borrowing one. (But I wasn't having much luck finding one) Plus then down the road it would always be good to have around with my Dad and stuff. While I was looking online she texted me back and said I could borrow it for as long as needed and that she would just ask her dad if I could keep it because they never use it anyway. It was an answer to my prayers. I was kind of worried about borrowing it incase something happened to it, but if she does give it to me than I wouldn't have that fear and it would be beneficial long term! :) SO despite all the tears and fears it may work out afterall! I just really hope that like they said having an outside objective opinion that this other ortho may notice something they are overlooking that I may get better soon!

I have been doing a lot of thinking though, and have decided as much as I hate to I am going to start looking into other career options. I have decided to apply for a dispatcher job for Simi PD. It would be good because even if I do get better it would be less pressure on my knee so I wouldn't have to worry about returning to work and re-injuring it again! They pay almost double what I make as an EMT (and thats just for trainees! After training the salary goes up like $3) I wouldn't have the commute I currently have for work so I could save on gas as well as the wear and tear on my car! So with all the extra money I could be making and or saving I could hopefully pay off my debts sooner. Once I do that then I could look into moving out and into a place of my own! It would be really great! I am scared about all this and I hate the thought of maybe not returning to the ambulance but when I look at the pros and cons with my current situation I think it is the smartest choice I can make. Besides even through the phone line I can makle a difference and help people it just wouldnt be hands on like in the ambulance! The application and potential hiring process can take sveral months because they do testing and background checks and so forth and so I am hoping to apply soon because maybe by the time I could get hired my knee may be better as well! At least I hope so! Then I can start fresh and by then I will hopefully have lost weight and can be ready for a new start!

My tears and fears may turn into smiles by the time 2009 rolls in!

Friday, October 10, 2008

getting closer

So last night I had my MRI on my knee. Now it is a waiting game. It will not be until Monday afternoon that I will know the results! My appointment is at 1:30 and so it wont be until some time after that when I will know. So if you want to ask whats going on or how I am doing or whatever else comes to mind in regards to my knee, please wait until then! I don't mean to sound rude or anything by saying that, but it's hard for me right now. I am being obediant and using the crutches as much as possible (except when babysitting my 2 y/o and 6 mo old nephews it's difficult than) but it is so frustrating to have to explain over and over again that I just don't know what is wrong. That I don't yet know whether I will have to have another operation. I just don't know. I can say that I am feeling a little better but not as much as was expected from the injections. I am still periodically having to take the pain pills and so in that aspect life is not good! I must say that I don't think Monday can come fast enough for me at this point!!! UGH UGH UGH!!

So my sister has announced this week that her and her boyfriend have decided to move out. They are going to rent a room from a friend. It is exciting for her and in fact I am kind of jealous but financially things are not good for me right now, and i have nobody to blame but myself. But eventually I will get myself on track and I too will be moving out. In the meanwhile I do get to move into that bigger bedroom. There are a lot of reasons why I want to, and a lot of reasons why I kind of don't but overall I think it will work out best. I have a lot fo stuff to move and so that wont be fun but it is a bigger room so I will have more space which will be nice. My current bedroom has a new double paned window and the other doesn't :( but it is in the back (west) of the house so I don't have to worry about the sun in my eyes in the morning! It has a bigger closet which will be nice so I can maybe actually hang some of my clothes and wont have to wear wrinkled dresses as often to church (I HATE ironing) but it isn't painted in my favorite colors, and it doesnt have the shelf space that my current room does. But we are talking about adding the same shelving. The curtains are not in my fun wild patterns but they were sewed by me so it still feels personalized and I can sew new ones eventually. I guess the biggest reason i agreed is I know that this way my sister can move my nephews into my room and it would mean that my mom can remove all the toys and kid dressers and stuff from the front room and she will be a lot happier about that. Plus because this room is right across from my sisters room she would be closer for getting the baby at night when he wakes up and stuff. So all in all I guess it will work out to be a blessing in many ways to everyone. I just hate the idea of having to move and make a new place into my space. But that part wont take long! I can make a room feel like my own pretty easily!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

One of those moments

Occasionally I get "one of those moments" when I know everything is about to change. That I know I can no longer allow the pride cycle to run my life (except for the whole wealthy part, that usually seems to be omited for me, and the forsaking God, I don't ever give him up either) I have come to realize this the past couple days. I have realized there are some things in my life that must change! I am the only one capable of making those changes and as hard as it may be I have to give up my pride and be willing to ask for help! I know it is going to be a long road, I know it is going to be a bumpy road but I also know I can grab a tight hold to the iron rod! I know that I can be lead down the path with just a little bit of humility. I know that ovcrall I will be proud of myself in the end (the good pride of course) and I know it will all be worth it! Here is to changes! I just hope I don't try to do too much at once... that can never be good! :)

Thursday, October 2, 2008

A little humility with that???

Well since last week I have been doing my best to use the crutches when walking. I hate to do so but I am being mostly good. (I kinda cheat around the house from time to time, and then my mom yells at me....) Anyways I am using wheelchairs at the store, walking with crutches, I used a cane yesterday at the Temple(next week I think I will stick with the crutches though, I prefer them) I have still been having problems for instance on Sat night I was in extreme pain and took several pain pills and finally it settled down a little bit, but I was still hurting! Yesterday the elders from my ward came over with a member of my branch and with my Mom they took down 2 walls that my mom wanted to remove. Today my home ward elders came over as well as two people from my ward to continue the work/clean up a little. They helped move some heavy large furniture back into place. To somewhat sweep and swiffer mop the floor and then they helped break down the pieces from the wall and put it into the trash can. They offered to do more, but my mom wasnt telling them what she wanted done and I didnt know what she wanted done but what they did was a big help. So after lunch they left and so did my mom (to visit dad in the hospital) I was home with my nephews. A little later on while they were both still napping I decided to clean up the living room some more. I put things away and gathered the sheets that had been used to protect furniture from wall dust during the demolition etc. I am not sure how long I was cleaning for but it didn't take much time for me to start hurting! I think it was a little swollen again too, but that may have been there all along. I wanted my mom to feel better when she got home so I did as much as I could. I again swept and swiffered part of the floor and stacked the dirty dishes. I made a pretty good size difference. Than a little while later I made dinner. It felt nice to be able to serve my family, especially my mom! Since I have injured my knee I have still helped frequently because I know others in the house don't help much. But having been cleaning and noit using crutches much today I did realize that they are making a little bit of a difference in the pain levels. I am still hurting but it does help. It seems like that has happened a lot lately, where just when I think things are going ok,I realize it was all a mask and that the truth was hiding below the surface waiting for the moment to make its debut! I am still waiting for my MRI authorization to come through so I can make the appointment... but as soon as I get it I am going in asap! I do not want to prolong the process by any means! I want to know what is going on! Ideally it would show nothing is wrong, but then why am I having all the pain?? It would be a big mystery to me if it comes back clear. So as much as I don't want it to show anything I am hoping it does, because once we know the problem we can begin to fix it! I really want to return to work! The sooner I get my knee fixed the sooner I can potentially return! So anyways I did learn a little lesson in obediance and humility today! When i am obediant to orders to stay off my knee and to use the crutches even though I am not completely pain free I think it does decrease the pain levels a little bit! I hate using the crutches though but I have bee sufficiently humbled and plan to continue that course even though I don't care too!