Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I was looking for you.....

Ok so today I went to Disneyland with my friend A. (and not in my dreams.... this was the real park with the real Mickey Mouse and everything....I know because I saw him there!!) Ok so we spent all day there and it was around 7:15pm. We were heading from the Jungle Cruise to the wheelchair viewing area to watch Fantasmic. I was in the wheelchair and A was pushing me. As we were heading towards the area we were about to pass some employees. There was a guy and a gal to our right and one guy to our left. The guy on the right says "I'm right here" so I said "ok good because I was looking for you" This kinda left him dumbfounded for a second, then he stopped and gave me a funny look and says "oh, ummm" and he started to say something about how he was talking to the other guy and A. was like "we know" and the girl was kinda laughing as was A and myself. We were laughing pretty hard at this time, and as we continued to walk. She even had to stop pushing me for a moment because she was laughing so hard and the guy still looked pretty confused. Apparantly he didn't get the joke!! It was funny!

Anyway I am so glad we went. We had a ton of fun and it was nice to get away amongst all the other stuff I am dealing with right now. I did pass my class this weekend which is exciting! I was pretty stressed out about it and the whole weekend was pretty exhausting but today made up for it by a longshot!!! Thank goodness for Mickey Mouse! Oh and an employee told me where to find the hidden mickey on Indiana Jones that I have been trying to find forever. But she said you only have 3 seconds to see it or its too late. Also another employee told me where to find one in the elevator in the Haunted Mansion! SO I am excited about that too! Except it was closed today, I think it's because they are still taking down the Nightmare Before Christmas stuff which is kinda a bummer! Although I do love it both ways in all reality!!! Oh and the other kinda sad part was they changed the sauce of the pasta I absolutely love!!! Sad sad sad! It's still good but just not the same!!! They are doing a ton of stuff in the park and a lot of areas were closed off. It will be interesting to see what happens overall! Oh and I almost forgot..... when we went to ride Pirates of the Caribbean the lines were not too bad overall.... but the guy filled a boat. Then had us get in the 3rd row of the next boat.... but he did not put anyone else in the boat...then he filled the boat behind us!!! I am not sure why he gave us our own boat but we thought it was pretty darn cool!!!

In case you weren't sure.... I still love DL!!! Don't forget... "I was looking for you!"

Monday, January 26, 2009

Highlight of last week

Ok so last night I shared in my blog about all my emotional issues and stress and even my crazy dreams....but I forgot to share the best part of my weekend.... so yesterday at 6am I got up to get ready for class again. Same as Saturday.... it felt a little colder in the house than it had on Sat and so I turned the hot water a little higher in the shower and I spent a couple extra minutes warming my body temperature. It was nice. SO then I went to the kitchen to make my toast and pack my lunch (all the same as Sat) when I realized it was the time I had planned to leave but still wasn't dressed. All my stuff was now ready and I even knew what I wanted to wear but I wasn't wearing it. So I go to my room and start getting dressed. All is well. I knew that I had gotten to class early on Sat so I knew I had time but had still wanted to go at the same time because I enjoyed the quiet reading time I had. Plus I knew even though the traffic should be similar you never know and I didn't want to be late. So I got dressed and I grabbed my backpack and my lunch and some toiletpaper (they had run out in the classroom bathroom and I was using tissues I had in my pocket so I wouldn't have to go across the parking lot to the other bathroom just to pee every time) I started turning off my light and was about to walk out the door and I suddenly realized........

I still had my towel in my hair!!!! I almost left with my hair in a towel!!! So maybe it's not as funny to you and nobody witnessed it to laugh at me but it made me smile!!! I had to put down my lunchbox and the TP and my book and water bottle and keys to quickly do my hair. (I left my backpack on because since I cut my hair last week it's not too long to be an issue) I brushed it and put it up in a ponytail and left. I still got to class early and even did a little reading! It was a good fun start to a long day!!! :) Life is always better when we can laugh at ourselves for something trivial and silly!


Just wondered why life couldn't be less stressful or more easy or more fun or something?? I have been getting a sense of depression lately because I feel so overwhelmed with all that I am trying to comprehend and deal with right now. I have been getting migraine headaches and feeling lightheaded to the point I think I may pass out. I have noticed my eyes feel strained with my contacts or my glasses. (I have an eye appointment soon so if it's a rx problem it will be fixed) I just wish there wasn't so much on my plate right now! I wish aflac would stop denying my check so I can pay my bills. I wish weight loss would be easier and I wish I had already tested for my refresher class! I wish a lot of things!
Funniest thing is I don't normally remember my dreams but I had 2 really weird ones last night and I remember them both....Even though it may make me sound a little psycho I am going to share them although names have been omitted for personal reasons although I might add that the people in my dreams who I can place a face for were people I don't really see much or at all or even if they are friends we don't hang out a lot so they are not close friends.....

Dream 1:

I was at my house, but the layout of my house was slightly different, but the oven was the same as the one we now have and that was what stood out to me (it could've been a different house all together with my current oven??) . I was pregnant and close to delivering my baby but I was not married. I have no idea who the father was for the baby in my dream but there was a guy there (whose name I do not know since it wasn't someone I recognize) and another female friend who I don't recognize either. Anyway for some reason I knew that my mom was not going to support my baby and I, and she wasn't even happy that I was having a baby. Anyway this mystery guy friend was like a best friend of mine (again I don't know he he was) but he was not my boyfriend or anything and he was not the father of my baby. But he was helping me. I told him the baby was coming and he said "let's get you to the hospital" and I said there wasn 't enough time sat down and I was holding onto the handle for the oven and within a few seconds my baby was delivered and he "caught" the baby. It was a girl, he wrapped her in towels and we took her to the sink to clean her up and then people started arriving for a party I was having. I never went ot the hospital or got any care for myself or the baby. The people that came for the party were a bunch of siblings I know and their current families (I know the siblings currently but not their familes, but I don't really talk to any of them anymore) and I was showing them my new baby. I even remember telling the guy what I wanted to name her but I can't recall that now. I don't think it was too common though......

Dream 2:

It was dark and I had just arrived at none other than my favorite amusement park Disneyland with a friend of mine from church. (name omitted, but it is someone I see regulary at church now...) anyway for some reason the entrance and even parking and everything was way different from now. We showed up and basically parked in a residential area. We had taken my car and we went to wait in line to get in. But the lines and entrance was not like it is now, there were no ticket booths or anything but there was one of those zig-zag line things that you have to wait in. So she and I got in line. But then I was like "I have to get my backpack out of my car so stay here in line and I will be right back" (I don't know why I didn't take it in the first place) and she was like "can you get my purse too?" so I said sure. When I got to my car there was something moving on the back seat and it kinda scared me at first. Then I noticed it was my dog Medic and he was kinda like hiding under a red blanket (kinda like in the movies when the little brother sneaks out to tag along on his siblings date.... he had snuck out) I wasn't sure how he had gotten there or why but I got my bag and her brown purse and I cracked the car windows so I wouldn't be charged with animal cruelty for leaving him in the car. I knew it was an unsafe neighborhood where we had parked the car so I figured if nothing else he would bark and scare anyone away who was going to try and steal my car. I noticed when I turned the key to roll the windows down that it was 10pm. I knew that we wouldn't be in the park for long and I planned to leave Medic in the car. Then I woke up......

So um yeah. I think that I am a little stressed out considering my medical ailments, my constant overwhelmed sensation and all my other emotional feelings I have been fighting especially when I start having really weird dreams like that!!! Well goodnight all!!

Friday, January 23, 2009

PT = Stress

Ok so I've already talked about how busy my life is right now as I get ready for surgery... and it continues to be so, in fact I even learned today that my EMT class this weekend is further away from my home than I originally anticipated which does not make it much more exciting to have to be there until 10pm tonight and back at 8am tomorrow~~ then again at 8am on Sun and 4-10 again Mon! But I will survive!! I have to! But I did hear that the teacher is kinda a softy and will let us have breaks and stuff and they are willing to let people retest if you mess up on skills or something so that you pass! So that is good! Even though I have been working in the field and stuff and been through refresher classes before I am still paranoid that I won't pass the class! So we shall see! It will be nice once it is over!

So on another note I had my pre-op appointment today. That went pretty well. Adam is really sweet and I got my questions answered and so I am more confident now! But I am stressing about the whole physical therapy part of my rehab! Last year when they sent me for PT after my surgery it was a few weeks post-op because I wasn't recovering as fast as was anticipated. They sent me to a place in Van Nuys. It wasn't my favorite environment. The therapist kinda made me feel a little awkward. Then there was the fact that it was 17 miles each way for me to go so the gas and stuff was no fun! So I will be having a lot of PT this surgery too, but I will be starting it the week after my operation. but I know I won't be driving much yet (if at all) because I know I will be wearing a locking knee brace and it will be a little difficult to get in and out of the driver side of the car. So I will need a ride. Now with my mom watching my nephews I don't want her to have to drive with them out there for me to be there for an hour or hour and half or whatever and have to wait for me! I don't want to drive that far either. Now according to my orthopaedic office that is who I have to go to because of my insurance.... according to my insurance that is where I have to go to because of my primary medical group. According to my primary medical group that is where I have to go because of my insurance! But nobody seems to care about the inconvenience or pain it causes for a patient to go that far post-op!!! Or the fact of how it's going to affect not just me but my family or whom-ever I get to give me rides there probably 3x a week!!! UGH that's all I have to say about that! I don't understand why they have to send me there when there are plenty of PT offices here in simi~ I wouldn't even mind going to Moorpark or Thousand Oaks! At least they are closer and it would be less of a problem for my mom because she could go see a friend or someone in the meanwhile! So I am a little stressed right now! I wish I knew how to get everyone on the same page and more local! Anyway! I don't want to shed any more tears about that! So I am going to end and go try and find something for lunch!! And pack something for later for dinner! Since on top of everything else I am broke and can't afford anything!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Booked tight

Ok so I have my surgery scheduled. It will be on Feb 5th. I don't know what time because that part gets scheduled with the surgery center based on availability of operating rooms and stuff so that part comes a little closer to the day. But in the meanwhile I have been making a lot of appointments for things that I have kinda been procrastinating on. That and for a few things that I need to do but won't be able to after the fact.(or not for a little while at least depending on recovery and such) So this is what my schedule looks like until than:

Thu 22nd: 8:30pm Teaching with the elders
Fri 23rd: 9:30 am pre-op appt for my surgery
4-10pm EMT refresher course UCLA(so I keep my certification current)
Sat 24th: 8am-6pm EMT refresher course UCLA
Sun 25th: 8am-6pm EMT refresher course UCLA
Mon 26th: Weight watchers meeting at 12:15
4-10pm EMT refresher @ UCLA
Tues 27th: Disneyland with a friend
Weds 28th:
Thurs 29th:
8:30am dentist appt.
1:30 pm taking elders to lunch
This is also my brother in law's bday... don't know if doing a dinner or anything
Fri 30th: 7pm?? Wii activity at church
Sat 31st: 4pm Julie Beck fireside in Camarillo but going early for meeting
Sun 1st: Fast Sunday at church
Mon 2nd: 1pm lunch with a friend
Tues 3rd: 10:40am eye doctor appt
Weds 4th:
Thu 5th:

So as you can see there are only 2 openings left and that doesn't mean stuff won't come along and fill those days up too before than! Boy am I glad I bought and carry a small calander with me now so I can make sure I don't double book myself! I am that popular you know!

Friday, January 16, 2009


I just wanted to say that my mom is the greatest ever!!! So the other night I posted about not having any luck finding a chaise..... the very next day I was telling my mom that I had seen a jogging stroller at one of the Simi Thrift stores and so we went back so she could check it out. When we pulled up in front there was a chaise!!!! It was so weird! ANyway we asked the guy if it was for sale and he said yes for $100. Everything in the store is on sale though for 15% off making it $85 plus tax. I sat on it and so did mom and we were thinking about purchasing it as it was fairly comfy. So then we walked in the store a little more and noticed a 2 piece couch unit that goes into a corner and makes an L shape when both pieces are together. Well the one piece of the L basically was a chaise as well. The couch unit was also $100. My mom told the guy that since this was 2 pieces and the one out front was only 1 piece it should be $50 not $100 and he said the one in front was $100 because it's leather. (I am not a specialist or anything but I thought it could be vinyl.... but I am not familiar with leather to know for sure....) anyway we tested the couch out and discussed it a little. We talked about how the one we currently have is pretty uncomfy (in my opinion) that because it's in 3 pieces and they are not properlly locked together it slides and stuff. Etc. We talked about how this one is a little smaller so it will seat one or two less people. I reminded her we don't often throw big parties thus requiring a mass amount of seating (just when family is all together) But we discussed how it is smaller and thus would open up the room even more (we recently removed a wall and put in new flooring making the house seem way bigger) Anyway I thought this couch was way more comfortable. One downside to it was it's color. Kinda a cream beige white or something like that. Not exactly kid friendly and it seemed to already have some evidence of spills and such. We discussed washing the cusion covers and even making a slip cover for the whole couch anyway.
Well we talked a bit. I liked the couch and I wasn't quite sure if my mom completely did or not. Now as far back as I can remember we have always had second hand living room furniture. The couches at least and we have had several couches!!! Anyway as I said I was not sure if my mom liked the couch or not and I told her we didn't have to get it if she didn't want to. Well after much deliberation and discussion she told the guy we were going to shop around but to hold the couch for us we would take it. I am still not sure if she likes it completely or not. She told the guy when we were paying that in her opinion we have better couches at the house already (I told her again if she didn't like it we didn't have to get it) I think a huge part of why she likes the one we already have/had was because it had a sofabed in it. But I personally can't even remember the last time it was used.... so it's not like we necessarily need a sofabed! It's also got 2 seats that recline.... although the buttons to recline either one don't work and so they sorta don't recline unless you want to physically pull them out to recline, or if you manage to put enough pressure in the crease of the chair fold to pop the recliner. (done frequently by standing in the chair to do something else and you suddenly fall because it reclines)
Anyway we got the new couches. I know a huge part of why my mom got it to replace the one we have was for me. She knows with my upcoming surgery I needed a more comfortable place to sit and to be able to recover! I didn't really want an ottoman to use because I needed to be able to fully support and elevate my leg. I was also worried about my nephews either hitting my leg or moving the ottoman. So like I said, my mom is amazing, she was willing to let me get a chaise and have to make room for it and then instead she got rid of couches she liked for other used ones so that I can be comfortable!! I know she would prefer new furniture all together but since we can't afford that this is what we got. I feel so loved because she was willing to make a major change such as the couches on my behalf! I just hope she doesn't regret that decision! The new couch thing is firm, but really comfy! It's nice and it really does open up the room more! Well it's late so I should be in bed! I just wanted to share how amazing and loving and sweet my mom is! I am so blessed to have her in my life!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

NO Chaise.....

OK so a couple days ago I had a thought.... (and nope I didn't blow any fuses, before anybody gets any funny ideas to make fun of me) with my upcoming knee surgery I think it would be nice to have a chaise lounge style chair to use post-op. For me with my current knee condition I have a hard time getting comfortable on the couches at home. WHen I have the ACL reconstruction done I will have to basically keep my leg out in front of me constantly and elevate it regularly with ice and stuff. So since i can't get comfortable now on the couches I figured this will be worse after surgery. I knew awhile ago I had seen one at Big Lots (formally known as Pic N Save) that I had really liked and if I had the money then I probably would've bought it (it was $300). KNowing I still can't afford that much money today my friend Ang and I went thrift store shopping in the San Fernando Valley. We probably hit up 8-10 stores which really did a number on my knee (even with the cane) It wore me out too! I was (and still am) super tired!Then after we got back to Simi I went to 2 more thrift stores. I had NO luck finding one! Last night I was online for several hours checking all the websites of stores I thought I might find one in for a reasonable price... I even used the search engine for "cheap chaises" without finding anything. I checked the pennysaver online last night and when I searched for chaise I mostly got ads for diningroom tables!!! Very frustrating! So then tonight I looked again and found 1 for $150, but I don't even know if they still have it, if I will like it and if I really can afford it. I am hoping if it turns out I do like it, maybe if I offer them $100 cash on the spot they will accept it?? We shall see. I did also check many other websites and stores online tonight... everything I am finding is either for outdoor, doesn't look comfortable or usable, or is just way too expensive! I really hope it works out so that I can be comfy!
However tonight after much more unsuccessful chaise searches online I have been considering other possibilities (and searching a few of them too) for instance I was looking at oversized bean bag chairs. But that may pose a problem when it comes to getting up..... My mom said that a toddler bed might be a possibility (we could re-inforce it for my weight) although I think the height of a toddler bed my present a problem for me with getting up or down. But we still have not done any garage sale searching or otherwise. Maybe if I can find a nice futon or something that might be a nice possibility also. If I did find a nice futon it could be double helpful if I have a problem getting onto my high bed :) I don't know like my mom said tonight I don't even have my surgery scheduled so I have a little time, although I don't want to procrastinate! Plus I will likely be taking my EMT recertification course at the end of the month so I can do it before I am unable to walk and so I won't be able to look then and the surgery is likely to be scheduled soon thereafter!

Friday, January 9, 2009

My Cane and I

Ok so as much as I don't want to feel or look like an old lady (or like I am just playing around faking or something) I decided to do what my doctor suggested and use a cane until the surgery instead of the crutches.... but I don't like the one my dad has (I used it once for the Temple and preferred the crutches) and so I knew if I was going to use one I was going to have to find one I liked more than dad's and buy it. But then again because I didn't want to look old etc I figured I would get it and sew a cover for it so it would be more "hip" or something. Well last night I went to teach an investigator with the missionaries and after I really didn't want to go home so I went to Wally World (aka Walmart incase you don't know the lingo) I went to the pharmacy section and they had a total of 3 or 4 canes to choose from. One was a fold up cane...ummm no thanks I don't need it to collapse on me. ANother was one that was silver and had the big thing at the bottom instead of just the tip.... ummm way to elderly for me..... and then they had two other ones that were adjustable in height. One was a funky purple-ish type metal colored one that had a curved handle.... that one was similiar to my dad's because of the handle which was what I didn't like about it. The last one was a black adjustable one with a more flat handle with a padded cover. This one seemed good to me and it was only $11.17 plus tax. I'm not really sure how they came up with that price but it seemed way reasonable and I chose to buy it. When I finished walking around and they were about to close I purchased my stuff ( I also bought a few cards some diet coke and a couple other little things) I came home. I decided I needed to adjust the height of my new cane and then figure out how to decorate it. But the darn thing wouldn't adjust. I tried and tried to pull the bottom part out, I even put my foot on the handle and pulled with my hands but it was not budging. My mom tried to use the rubber things you use to grip a jar to open it easier and it still wouldn't go. So she pulled one end and I the other and yup you guessed it no budging!!! So I gave up and figured today I would exchange it.

This afternoon after donating blood, picking up Christian from school and running a couple other errands I went back to Wally World to exchange the cane for one I could actually adjust to my height. I went to get another one and there was only one other one like I had purchased and it too wouldn't budge. So I went ahead and took it to the return counter and told the lady it was the same way and unless she could find someone who was able to adjust it I just wanted to return the one I bought. She took it to some of the guys and they were like "it's not moving" so I got my $11.98 back (that was the total with tax) and we left. I decided since Rite Aid was on LA ave on the way home I would stop and see what they had. They had a HUGE selection!!! They had so many canes they were in two places! I already knew I wanted one that was more flat on top then curved. So I was looking at an adjustable one that had two color options....pink or blue. I thought about buying the pink one.... they also had several that had a swirled type design on them and there were several color options: red, black, blue, green. I kinda liked the black one, but I wish they maybe had a purple. They had one that had some funky looking plant leave things on it.... it was pretty hideous looking. They had one with the lights of Las Vegas all over it. It even said Las Vegas.... Christian liked that one. I promptly reminded him I don't gamble and so I didn't really care for it. They had an ugly plaid one and a few other ones... and they had a red-ish colored polka dot one. Now red isn't really my favorite color.... if you ask I will tell you that my favorite colors are purple and blue. I don't say it's my favorite but I also like pink. But I liked the polka dots even though the base color was red. I thought it was less elderly-like and kinda fun. I also liked the plain pink one. I could easily wrap it with some ribbon and it'd be more girlie and fun too. Both of them had a flatter type handle which is what I knew I wanted. The handle on the pink one was kind of contoured for the palm and fingers and it said on the tag it was "easy on the wrist" the handle was rubber like. The dotted one was also flatter on top (I didn't look at any curved ones) but it wasn't as contoured as the pink one for fingers, but it did have padding like the cheaper wally world black one.

I could see several price tags for the canes that mostly said $21.99 and I wasn't sure if I liked that price. But then when I really thought about it I knew it meant at least a couple weeks without crutches until my surgery. I also knew that when I have the surgery I know I will have to go back to the crutches but in time as I recover I may find a time when I am not quite as steady as I can be but not wanting them then either, I would again be able to use the cane. So I can use it now and then and it would overall be a good investment, maybe even when I really am elderly! I knew I didn't want to pay more than the $21.99 but I couldn't find the tags for the exact canes I was looking at. I decided I would go to the register and see how much they each were, and see if one happened to be cheaper than the other and that would be my decision maker. I knew that if they were the same I would have to decide. So while walking to the register I kinda walked a little with both of them to see which I liked more. I kinda liked them both. The contours were nice and it felt comfortable, but the padding was also really nice..... as I waited in line I decided that if they were the same price I liked the polka dots more. The padding was one of the big decision makers, because I thought even though the contours were nice the rubber may get slippery if my hands happened to sweat or something, plus it just wasn't padded! Otherwise they almost felt the same when it came to use. The finger spots weren't as obvious when using the cane anyway. Plus the dots need less decoration for a younger lady like myself to not feel as old with the cane! They were both the same price of $21.99 so I bought the polka dots! I was thinking I may even get some streamers like you see in the handlebars of kids bikes and attach it to the back of my cane handle :) Anyway I attached pictures of my new walking aide. It's kind of nice to be able to retire the crutches for a brief spell even though I know they will be back in my life sooner rather than later! Such is life for a klutz as myself! I can't believe I have been walking with them since like Sept! It's rediculous! Often I would just leave the crutches in the car because it was easier. But easier at the time often meant pain later. But now with the cane it's less bulky and still easier but hopefully also still more pain friendly. Life is good.... at least hopefully getting better! Even with the crazy week I have had so far I do feel a little better now than I have been. Less tears too!

Well I should be getting to bed. I have my brother in law's Sheriff Reserve Academy graduation to attend in the morning! TTFN!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Happy New Year....

Or something like that! It's only been 8 days so far but I am not sure I am enjoying 2009 yet. The first few days were good. I'm still out of work so I have just been at home, nothing too exciting or anything. I never really planned any resolutions, I already started trying to lose weight (and succeeding so far, a little more than 10 pounds but because of the knee it's all been diet changes only, no exercise) I wanted to start before the new year because I really need to lose weight (lots of it) and then I was losing during the holidays instead of gaining. It actually felt nice to weigh in after both Thanksgiving and Christmas and have the number on the scale be down. Plus most people forget about their new years stuff by like FEb or Mar and this way I am already forming the new habits (again...) and am not planning on giving up.... ever! But generally since I am always thinking about losing weight I don't normally tell people I am trying to do it when I am (except some close family and friends) so when asked about any goals for 09 I just have told people my goal is to get rid of the crutches and return to work. Which are also things that weigh heavily on my mind especially lately!
On that note I already kinda get to do one of those things, but only if I choose to and only briefly than I have to go back... I was at the doctor on Mon. He did a test called the KT test. I am not sure what the KT stand for but he told me it was to check the stability in my knee. It said there are not any magic numbers he was looking for but that what he would do was check the R (good) leg against my L (bad) leg. To see how it was. He didn't tell me any numbers he got for either leg, but he did tell me that there was a significant difference and so it shows that my L leg is definately unstable. He actually told me he is surprised that I don't have moments where it feels unstable or gives out on me or otherwise. When I went to that appointment I was expecting him to suggest another operation. I was thinking he was going to say that he would like to go in arthoscopically again and look around and check the MCL and everything else and then fix anything he could find wrong. Instead what he told me is kinda my only option (since I've already done the injections and stayed off it etc) is ACL reconstructive surgery. He had mentioned that last summer when I originally re-injured it that if there was another surgery it would likely be an ACL repair. But most of this time they have been treating the MCL and so thats why I was thinking the arthoscopy. Anyway he said that normally they won't go in for an ACL repair on a complaint of pain (which is my biggest issue) and that normally it is for the complaint of instability (which I have but am not complaining of) But he said he feels that there is a good chance that even though it isn't my complaint that if we fix the instability it may decrease the pain. He thinks it may be a deferred pain or something. He did say that there is a chance that fixing the ACL may not resolve my problems and I may still be in pain down the road. I told him I am willing to try because I really want to fix it and return to work. He said either way in the long run having it more stable will be beneficial. So it was set. He is ordering me a knee brace that I will wear after the surgery and was going to request insurance authorization. Once it is authorized and I have the brace I can set the surgery date.
So it goes.... I am going to have a second knee operation in a year. I am not fully excited about it I mean who would be glad to be having an operation. But I am hoping that it makes a difference. I know that the recovery is going to be long and hard. I was reading online and some sites I looked at said 4-6 months recovery some said 6-9 and one even said it could be up to a year. It says normally the rehab and exercises start the day after the operation to regain motion and stuff. So I have a long road ahead of me.... This got me thinking a lot. Tues morning in the shower I thought.... I am going to need help to shower again.... I was thinking how difficult it was for me to get up and go to the bathroom during the night after my last knee surgery (which I seemed to have to do more often than normal for some reason) and this one is a lot more involved. I am really going to have to humble myself and be willing to accept some help. I may even have to carpool to church and stuff because with the last surgery I had trouble getting into the drivers side of my car so I may not be able to this time as soon as before. It is really going to change some things for me. So even though I have been through several surgeries before (tubes in my ears when I was 6, wrist surgery 4x, wisdom teeth extraction and 1 previous knee operation) and I remember all of them, I am suddenly feeling a lot more scared about this one than any of the others. Which is abnormal for me! I have always been nervous about my operations ( I remember all of them) but this is the first time I have felt worried about it. Last night, not only did I go to bed early but I cried myself to sleep....So it's a little intimidating for me! Although as I was saying my goal is to get rid of the crutches and return to work.... my doctor told me I can switch from the crutches to a cane until I have the surgery if I want. But then I know I will have them back after the operation unfortunately! So if I can find one I like I may do that... but if I do I am thinking I also want to make a fabric cover for it so it isn't like an old person cane. I want it to be cool. So people know I am not an old lady :) So the past 3 days have been a little hard for me... freaking out and stuff! But since I am the one who helps around the house the most I have been trying extra hard to do what I can now. SInce I know after the surgery I will just add to my mom's burden. I feel bad for her and all she does and I know that adding me to the problems won't be easy and I won't be able to help as much (if at all) after the surgery so I want to help more now! I mostly just don't want to be another burden to my mom!
But I recently started to re-read the Harry Potter books. I had wanted to back in like AUg-Sep I was thinking about it because I knew the newest movie was supposed to come out around Nov. But then they decided to delay the release date until the summer to get more people to the theater to watch it. (it's all about money to some folks) anyways I hadn't started my reading them again yet. But then on the way to Ut with R after thanksgiving we were reading the first one in the car together. (We took turns reading while the other drove) and so we together got a good start on them. After I came home I got mine out and finished it. Well then she went on to number 2 and I kept delaying still. But then because she told me she got to number 3 I knew I had to catch up. So then when I got around to reading number 2 she told me she is in number 4. So in the past few days I have read number 2 and 3. And later I plan to start 4. It's kinda fun that it's sorta an unmentioned competition (well we've sorta texted about it) Anyways because I have been reading so much again my family is questioning my motives for reading them again. Because apparantly just liking to read and then re-read books is not ok?? I can't afford to go buy new books constantly like I usually do and when I like a book I read fast so I would constantly be at the library if I was borrowing them! Anyways I need to figure out what I would like to read post-op because aside from movies and TV I will be bedridden and need something to do while I am down! SO if you have any good book suggestions let me know! Maybe I will re-read the Lord of the Rings, those took me about 3 weeks before so that would be a good one! If I can remember where I put them of course!
Well thats about it for my not so happy (YET) new year! Hope all of yours are better!