Thursday, August 28, 2014

if everyday were like today

If every day were like today:

... that's message on myfitnesspal when you complete your daily entry, it says if everyday were like today you'd weigh ___# in 5 weeks. ¤Today's message told me I would be past one of my goals, (50# down) and have gotten farther than before the setbacks I've had the past 6 months with trials and losses. I was just about to 50# right before my dad passed, & have kinda fluctuated above that since. Luckily I haven't completely gained it all back,  But have lingered near 35-40# down instead.  Anyway it made me think about the statement, these are my thoughts:

If everyday were like today:

→then I wouldn't have gotten to where I am weight wise and wouldn't need myfitnesspal to track my food
→then it means everyday was a day where I didn't feel the need to snack constantly.  Where I didn't feel as if I was hungry constantly.
→then i'd really be kicking butt in my weight loss challenges
→then although I was tired,  and my knee was hurting I managed a decent workout anyway
→then everyday was an emotional day,  where although things were good,  suddenly I felt sad and lonely (I don't want that everyday)
→then everyday I got a nap during my lunch break
→then everyday I actually documented my samples from cruising thru Costco
→then everyday I had people honk &/or wave at me during my walk,  uplifting my spirits and reminding me i am doing the right thing to keep going forward.

I'm sure there are more,  but for the moment that's what I thought about.  I may come back and add more later.  But for now I'm thankful for myfitnesspal.  I'm thankful I have a useful tool to help me keep focused. I'm thankful that it reminds me that "if everyday were like today" because sometimes the days are bad and it shows me I'm off track and heading the wrong direction.  But today was good.  Today it reminded me of my successes,  It reminded me that I can make it to my goal. Then I can start on my next goal.  If everyday were like today then in 5 weeks I will be down 53#! That's awesome!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Goodbye Uncle "Goofy"

So last week I was in Escondido for work.  I was taking a class to become a certified car seat installation technician.  The class was great and now I'm officially certified to properly install child seats into vehicles,  as well as train parents how to do so properly so their kids are safe.  While I was there in class on Tuesday my Uncle Kenneth was having open heart surgery.  It was tough not being there with my aunt,  but I was Praying as always.  Things went well and although he was on the icu it was promising.  Then unfortunately on Weds he took a turn for the worse,  and ended up having 3 more operations due to complications from the procedure on Weds  So weds night I drove to the hospital from my hotel room,  and my sister's all drive from Simi to be with family and see him.  The third surgery they had done weds night seemed promising again so we left feeling better than before arriving at the hospital.  On thurs naturally I was tired since I got back to the hotel late,  but I continued with class,  Then things went downhill again.  By the mid afternoon via text I was notified they were going to make him comfortable and remove him from life support.  This was hard!  Not just for me (& I had  to step outta class to control my emotions) not only did my uncle pass away that afternoon,  It was on the 6 month anniversary of when we lost my dad.  Their times of death were also approximately an hour apart from each other.  I can't believe that my family has been given yet another trial,  especially involving death.  I am grateful  knowing that we're strong and that despite all we've had to face lately life just keeps moving forward. I just hope this is the end of the trials for awhile!  I am sure I've had enough!

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Happy Anniversary

Once upon an instant message
This guy found this girl
They talked and they chatted
Decided to give it a whirl
They met one day at Starbucks
Things moved on from there
He liked their matching personalities
She liked that he made her laugh
They found that they enjoyed their time together
Their goals were on the same track
She liked that he didn’t care what others thought
He felt everything was “too good to be true”
They started to date, spend more time together
She made him smile, and made him laugh
He was cute to her while playing golf
She showed she wanted to know him personally
He liked how quiet, and shy she could be
Some would’ve called him a geek for his computer skills
She said it showed her he was truly smart
He loved that she loved him for who he was, and
Supported him for who he wanted to be
They dated three more years
Decided to set a date
Another three years and she got the ring
The day was approaching quick
The next seven months flew on by
Making appointments, and setting the plans
She walked down the aisle
They stood hand in hand
They shared their vows thru tear filled eyes
“I do” at the park, followed by the party
We flash forward to today, ten years have gone away
Still standing side by side
They’re holding hands now in the car
They’re soul-mates, partnered in time
Proud of each other, an inspiration to us all
Surrounded by loved ones, they sing made up songs
Loving one another, more and more each day
He’ll tell you she’s “smoking hot”
She’ll say he’s still cute, or handsome as can be
He says she’s his rock
She says he follows the motto “happy wife equals happy life”
They plan to grow old together
Supporting and cheering on one another
Through good times and bad
Hoping to be parents to more than just Koda
Glad to always have each other
They’ll always find comfort together
Smiling and laughing forever
Working hard, and playing harder
Sharing lunches, life and fun
Through laughter or silence, married they are one
They complete each others sentences
They are equal to each other
For N and D S------- the fun has just begun!

2014 continues to be rough....

So as you may have know the beginning of this year sucked! So after my Dad passed it didn't exactly get much better... we waited 3 weeks to do my dad's services, then two weeks later there was more heartache. At the end of March (just 5 weeks after my dad) Loren Southworth passed away. He was someone I knew from church. Over the past 10 years or so I had gotten to know him because of some of his leadership roles he played at church so I saw him on a fairly regular basis, as well as was in many meetings with him when I was in the YSA ward. Then in the past 2-3 years specifically he and his wife Lynn were the mid-singles advisors for church. So not only did I know him but became closer to him and his wife. We would meet regularly for church and during the week for other church activities too. He was almost like a second father to me. So 3 weeks after my dad's services I was at another funeral for Loren. It was hard! That same week that Loren passed I also lost my cousin who lives in New Jersey to suicide. Then a co-worker lost her mom as well. So I attended 3 funeral services in less than a month! I realized as I thought about it that by the end of April I knew of at least a dozen deaths of people I knew personally, and of people close to those I knew personally. It was tough!!

Things have somewhat settled down since that time. There thankfully haven't been more deaths to deal with but there have been several other trials. There seems to always be drama lately with friends, church, work etc. Things just never seem to be "simple" not that life should be simple, but it would be nice to have less trials. I do know that we are here to be tested and that we learn and grow from our trials but sometimes it feels like too much to handle.

When it comes to my weight loss, close to the time of my dad's death I was down close to 50#. Then because my life was turned upside down I went back up around 9#. After a few weeks I was able to get back on track and re-lost those 9. Then I had a really bad month and a half or so with my knee and went up again. Then I lost that again, then I gained a little back again, then I plateaud again... so I am still working on it. I am not back quite to the 50# down  mark again but I am trying. I am having more bad days with my knee than good, but I keep on trying. Right now I am still only down around the 40# loss mark. It's tough but overall I am glad that I haven't regained all that I lost last year. I would rather be in an almost "maintaining" stage than to have lost all my hard work.

 I know that there have been tons of other things that have happened, actually both good and bad but right now I am not thinking of them! Mostly this year has been rough, but it really has shown me who my friends are. WHo are the ones that are really there for me. That love me and are by my side in good times and in bad (especially since there have been more bad than good lately) I am thankful for that. I have managed to still find things to write in my gratitude journal each night and I have had many opportunities to do service for others which I am grateful for! Life is rough but I am hanging in there! Life goes on, day by day, moment by moment. It seems like the smallest things set me off but I am doing ok!

Daddy's Lil Girl Part 2

 So a few years ago I wrote a poem for my Dad to let him know he was loved. That he had a purpose, I called it "Daddy's Lil Girl" (you can read it here:  Daddy's Lil Girl ) and so after he passed I thought that maybe I could share it at his services, so I re-read it. When I did I realized it wasn't completely what I was wanting to say, so I added to it. This is the addition I wrote for the services:

This feels so unreal
How can it be true?
This pain that I feel
Daddy, I miss you

Now that you’re gone
Your pain is no more
You held on for so long
What did you suffer for?

I know there is a plan
Heavenly Father put in place
When we follow His plan
We’re welcomed by His grace

I’m sure you were welcomed home
By those who’ve gone before
I know you weren’t alone
Met at Heavens door

You left behind a family
Who have loved you all along
All those friends and family
Trying now to be strong

Things will never be the same
We’ll take them day by day
Life is always full of change
I know you couldn’t stay

Our lives will keep on going
So much you’re gonna miss
As your family keeps on growing
To make you proud, our only wish

You are not going to be there
For my wedding day
This doesn’t seem very fair
Who’ll give your girl away?

I wasn’t ready for you to go
I never said goodbye
Tried to show you I loved you so
Why did you have to die?

I’m thankful for the gospel plan
Gift of the atonement too
I’m going to do all I can
To gain eternity with you

You left us all too early in life
I guess there’s work for us to do
You left us all with heartache and strife
Our love we’ll always feel for you

I’m holding onto memories
Locking them into my heart
Love will be the only keys
Unlocking a flood of memories to start

Things may get easier in time
As we go about our days
Finding a rhythm and our rhyme
Love for you to light the way

Thanks for all you taught me
Helping me to learn and grow
Showing me who I could be
Inspiring me more than I now know

We were different, yet alike
Had our ups and downs
Like learning to ride a bike
It was easier when you were around

I’m grateful for our Savior
Taking our sins and pains
By acceptance in the Savior
I’ll be with you again

Time will heal our hearts
Life goes on and on
With each day comes a new start
 Your memory will live on

Thank you daddy for everything
I’m a stronger woman now
You would’ve given me anything
Even If you didn’t know how

Faith makes me stronger
I’ve got a life to live yet
Your loss makes the days feel longer
It’s you I’ll never forget

I am me because of you
When all was said and done
I really hope you knew
Daddy you were my number one

Renee L Conaway 2/15-16/2014