Monday, August 9, 2010

Long Vacation

Ok I was lying on my bed just now thinking about how I am going to rearrange my room (yes again) and my nephew comes running down the hall and as he went into the bathroom  this was our conversation:

Elijah: (while runnning into bathroom) We're gonna go on a long vacation because we have lots of work to do!

Me: Really? Who is going on a long vacation?
Elijah: Mommy and me because we got a lot of work to do!
Me: Where are you going on vacation to?
Elijah: All the way to Walmart!
Me: All the way to Walmart?
Elijah: Yeah
Me: And what kind of work do you have to do on vacation?
Elijah: Tie up the bad guys, because we have a lot of work to do!
Me: Wow
Elijah: Wanna go on vacation?

.... this all transpired as he was peeing and I was lying on my bed. Wow that's going to be a long vacation and some hard work! There sure are a lot of bad guys! I hope he has enough rope to tie them up! Maybe that's why the vacation is at Walmart??

Too healthy???

So on Fri I went to the appointment at Dr Billy's office. It was interesting. I really felt comfortable there. Everyone was really friendly and telling me good luck etc. It was nice. I noticed a few other people come in that were part f teh top 20 as well (because they were given the contest rules etc like I was) and they didn't (to me) seem as friendly with the staff. Nor did I notice the staff offer them congrats like they did me. Anyway I met with the nurse and then Dr Billy, then got an EKG. At one point the nurse told me that other than my knee stuff I am fairly healthy. Dr Billy made a comment about how nothing I had said would determine whether I made it to the top 5. He said most of the time the difference between #5 and # 6 is nothing. But they have to choose. Then the top 5 have to do radio stuff etc and the winner is chosen by the voting public. He was really nice but kinda made me feel as if I was lying about the small changes I have already been trying to make. He made it seem like I just eat all the time and don't realize it etc. He was like "I am sure if I followed yu around for a month I would see you eating for no reason and not making right choices....yadda yadda yadda" .... ok I never said I am perfect and I didn't say I always make the right choices. Obviously I didn't get to be this way because I eat carrots all the time and never have a candy bar. But when I said I am ready to make the changes I meant it.

Anyway I did not get a phone call that night. :-( I did get an email telling me I wasn't chosen for the top 5 at this time. :-( so it doesn't mean its over for me. I still intend to do all I can. I know I am not perfect but I know that I CAN do this. I can lose weight and keep it off. I have already started trying to implement small changes and I will continue to do so. I will continue to do what walking I can for exercise and to really watch my food intake. Either him or the nurse made a comment that my metabolic rate is good, and that it is possible for me to do it. So I will and I will show Dr Billy I don't need him or this contest. That it doesn't matter if he stalks me I can still lose weight! I won't give up! If he was right and that it had nothing to do with what I had to say in the "interview" portions I have determined I must just be too healthy. Maybe that is what the difference between number 5 and number 6 is. Maybe I was number 6... but number 5 has more health issues that can only be resolved with the weight loss. Maybe because as of right now (knock on wood) I don't have the hypertension (high blood pressure) or diabetes or other health/weight related issues that is why I wasn't chosen. But I do need to make the changes in my life now so that I don't get those issues! I will do my best. Not just for me but for my family and especially for my future family! Life does go on even without weight loss surgery! WEight loss still happens without it too!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Top 20... for now

Ok so recently Khay 100.7 (country station) was announcing a contest, last year they did this same contest and decided to do it again. It is a contest where they together with Dr Billy Helmuth of Ventura (he goes by Dr Billy) do a contest for a free lap-band procedure, plus one year of follow-up appointments (since that is an important part of the procedure). So at first I didn't think much of it. I had always kinda been weary of surgery. It feels like the "lazy" way out. I think a lot of people use it but don't change their habits and so in the long run it doesn't end up being beneficial. I've always wanted to be the person who loses weight "the right way" slowly and on my own. They said its the best way and that its the best way to be able to keep it off etc etc. I've done that a little in the past. I've lost some weight and done fairly well keeping it off and slowly working on losing more.

Then I messed up my knee. Right before i messed it up I had lost about 30 pounds. I was riding my bike between 3 and 5 nights a week after work. I would ride for a minimum of an hour or so. I would basically ride from one end of town to the other and home again. It averaged about 15 miles for the ride. I loved it. After my day at work I was outside getting the fresh air and it gave me a chance to relax and just think. Then it all went downhill. I've since gained that weight back and then some. I continue to have knee problems and not only do I miss my old job as an EMT which I can't do because of the knee pain but I especially miss my bike rides.

So recently I've been trying to watch my portion sizes again. I've been trying not to go back for seconds. I've been trying to buy "healthier" snacks and not junk food or fast food as often.  I have been trying to walk as much as I can since it's about all I seem to be able to manage with my knee (but even that is making it super sore now, there is no "working through the pain" either, it gets so sharp and feels like my knee is falling apart and I can barely walk) I know I need to do something and I figure every little change I can muster will make a difference. I'm doing what I can.

Well one night I guess a few weeks ago maybe a month... I honestly can't remember... I can remember the night but not when it was... it was 3 room changes ago... and with my last bed... so it's been awhile I suppose. I had gotten ready for bed and said my prayers and everything. I was in bed and ready to go to sleep. I was tired and I was getting in bed later than I had anticipated and I knew I had to get up early for work. But it hit me, I knew I needed help. I knew that I was struggling with my weight and I knew I wasn't happy. I got out of bed and with tears in my eyes I got online and signed up for the contest. I didn't think twice. I wrote my responses to the questions and hit send. After I was done I read the "terms and conditions" I know you're supposed to do that first but I didn't. I am kind of glad I didn't because it may have stopped me. It stated that the winner will be responsible for doing radio station advertising for the contest. Will be required to appear at so many events and Dr Billy seminars etc.... hmmm ok. I went to bed.

So after that I honestly didn't think again about the contest or about my entry. I think at the time I figured there are people who are worse off than I am. Who probably are in worse health than me and who need the procedure more than I do. Heck in my own family there is my Dad who would benefit more than me (if he is willing to change his habits so its long lasting. He is kinda one of those who would take it for granted and mess up afterwards anyway... as much as I hate to say that its true) So I figured they would have a lot of entries and someone else who deserves it will win the prize and be skinny before I will on my reduced portions and minimal exercises.

Than last week I got a phone call. I didn't recognize the number but it was local and I answered it. ... it was Alia from Dr Billy's office. She told me I was chosen as one of the top 20 for the lap band contest and was I still interested? YES! I am... wow I got chosen?? That's crazy! So she asked me if I was available to come in on Fri the 6th for an initial appointment. That after they have the initial appt with the top 20 they will narrow it down to the top 5. The top 5 will then have to go next week for 2 more appointments. One will be with their dietitian, and one will be a psych evaluation. She confirmed my email address and said she would email me some paperwork to fill out and bring on Fri. I got that email... its 20 pages of medical history, dieting history and other questions that are pertinent to the procedure I suppose.

So here I am getting ready to go in and potentially get a weight loss surgery! It seems so surreal! I honestly never thought I would be chosen! I really felt like I didn't deserve it or that others need it more than me. Before Alia called me I really had forgotten I even entered. I never really considered surgery before but I know it will help in so many ways. I know that it will make a huge difference in my life if I am chosen as the final winner! I know that I will do everything in my power to follow the program exactly as I am supposed to and to make the best of this opportunity! I asked Alia when she called me yesterday to see if I could change my appointment time to a little later on Fri how many entries they received and she said 88. So maybe its not as many as I thought they might get, but that is still quite a bit. That still means I got chosen in the top 20 over 68 others! Who I am sure all are just as willing to undergo this procedure. Who are just as much in need as me, maybe more. I don't really know but I am thankful none the less.

This last week I was starting to feel a little down. My knee has been extra sore and I was looking at myself in the mirror and I knew I needed to step it up a bit. I know I have been making changes but I knew I needed to work harder and stay strong. I was not doubting myself and I know that although I have moments of low self-esteem I am not depressed. I am not always hating myself, but I don't care for the way I look and I was kinda in one of my ruts. I was kind of feeling like I am ugly... and then I got the call! This really will change my life! Wish me luck! I don't even know what its like to be skinny! I cannot remember it from my childhood because even in elementary school I was chunky! I spent my Jr high and high school years without dating and feeling bad about it because I was heavy! That can all change very soon!

What an incredible blessing this will be in my life if I win! I never thought I would be chosen and now I really hope I win! I don't want to be selfish because I do know there are 87 others who felt like I did, that maybe this was there one good chance at a real change! I know that it will be hard to go to all the appointments and responsibilities that come with winning. It will be interesting being on the air with the DJ's and telling my story (if I win) but it will be so wonderful too! WOW! I guess for now that is all I can really say... just WOW!