Sunday, June 29, 2008


Ok so Fri after going to drop off stuff at the doctors and getting a loaner phone at Tmobile I packed and my parents and I were on the road with my nephew for Turlock CA (north of Fresno, about 5-6 hours from Simi) My sisters and my other nephew and my bro in law were leaving later in the day.... so we headed out.... so we got up north and stayed with my Uncle (i ended up going to my cousin Chris' house that night) so then Sat we did a little swimming at my uncles It seemed like my family didnt care what I had to say or wanted to do so I was getting frustrated but whatver, mostly all was well then we were helping with the party set-up and then in the evening was the surprise party for my cousin Robbie's 40th bday!!
The party was fun except for the fact that mostly everyone was drinking.... expecially the bday boy and of course with that part of my family the gifts got a little crazy and so I was getting pretty uncomfortable. I couldnt really leave because it was like a 3 mi walk back to my uncles, it was dark and with my knee injury I knew I wouldnt make it without pain. That and I didnt really know the way and I dont know that it was a safe area.... so I just kinda sat there instant messaging with my friend Anthony on my phone.... I was so thankful for him being online and chatting with me bacause it gave me a good distraction from all that was going on. After awhile all the drinkers were inside so I went outside and it really got me thinking. I have always been used to this part of my family being big drinkers and getting a little out of line, and so I figured it was no different than always. but I havent really been with them all in that environment since before I joined the church. It really made me realize the difference the gospel has made in my life. Im "used" to it to some degree because they are my family and have always been that way, it as like that at all their weddings and stuff, and I deal with drunks frequently at work and so forth. Besides I knew I wasnt and wouldnt be drinking. But being there and knowing the spirit wasnt really there made me appreciate what knowledge I have. Even before I joined the church I had always made the decision not to drink. So the word of wisdom was easy for me to accept. So as I was sitting outside wanting to leave but being unable to I said a little prayer. I thought a lot about my testimony at that point. I thought about how it was going to be that much more important for me to be in sacrament and to know I was doing the right things. I was thinking about how things are going to be when I get married. I plan on marrying in the Temple and so my future spouse will be like me and I wont have to deal with it alone anymore but I was thinking how accepting my future spouse is going to have to be with my family. My cousins (Robbie Chris and Dale) are all older and it has always kinda been that with any of us they are the ones we all joke about how our spouses are going to have to survive them. They grew up basically as hicks and drinking and getting into trouble and being party anumals but now being a member Im that much more scared of what my spouse may think. I know my cousins will be accepting and I just hope they dont scare him off...but anyways I am thankful for the gospel, and for the truth I have and I am thankful that this morning I know what I did and said last night. I know where I was and I know I was safe! It was hard to be there but I was glad to be able to talk to Anthony and feel a little bit like I was somewhere else. But then there was more drama....
SO I was going to go home with my cousin Chris and drive one of his cars for him and his wife and then because Darla got mad at her brother she left in the car I needed to drive (the other 2 were manual transmissions and I dont like driving manual and so I havent in years so I wouldnt have been able to) but because my cousin had been drinking quite a bit I didnt know that I should ride with him, and I was going to stay with him again and he was going to let me take his car to church today and said the building was right by his house. So I ended up at my uncles again and had no idea when or where church was..... so Anthony helped me out again. He looked up online the church times for me so I would know and be able to go this morning to sacrament. (I couldnt get online at my uncles because he had just moved into his new house on thurs and so his computer wasnt set up yet) Anyways I found out when church would be and my sis dropped me off so I could go and picked me up after sacrament. It was a great meeting.....
Then we did a little more visiting and it was time to hit the road.... my Dad decided he wanted to sit in the back seat but was being annoying ad so we got into a little arguement so then my mom was all ticked off because we were arguing so I put on my headphones and watched the Joseph Smith video called Praise to the Man..... it was nice, it got me thinking about the gosple again and helped me to feel the spirit again. Bt all day long my Dad was complaining of knee pain adn was getting really bothersome to both me and my mom in the car and nothing seemed to help him to quit complaining! UGH so it was a REALLY long drive home with him complaining the whole time! We tried pain pills, pain patches, ice packs etc! You name it we tried it and yet he still complained! Anyways when we got home tonight I was thankful to be out of the car and away from my family! So it was a really long weekend!
But I have one question...why is it the people I love the most in life (my family) seem to bother me the most? Why is it they are the ones who make me the most frustrated and annoyed? I dont know the answer (renee says maybe its because we expect more of them) I think for me its frustrating because I know that they need the gospel and they dont seem interested and that is hard for me to deal with! Its hard to have this knowledge and not to know how to share it with those closest to me! To have them reject it time and time again.... I dont know but I hope it all works out and as much as I love them I hope we dont do another family vacation for awhile! This weekend seemed to last forever! Which was forever too long!

Medievil Disneyland

So Thurs was so much fun!!! Renee and I went to Disneyland and had a lot of fun. We rented me an electric wheelchair (since dr's orders are minimal walking) and just had some fun. Because her birthday was on Sat I made her wear a Happy Birthday pin and so most of the employees were wishing her a happy b-day. We went to CA Adventure first so that we could go to the Aladdin show and as we were walking through the Hollywood Backlot as we passed playhouse Disney they gave us these cardboard fans for when it gets hotter outside. Then we decided since we had time before the Aladdin show that we would go see Turtle Talk with Crush. We were going in there and an employee gave us both "Dream Fastpasses" it was fastpasses for all the major rides at both parks valid for Thurs only! It was awesome!!!! So then we enjoyed the show and went to the Tower of Terror and then to Aladdin. Where we got to sit in the handicap area because of the times! We went to the tortilla factory to see the video and the dog say "maseca" and to get our free tortilla and when we got our tortillas the guy also gave Renee a whole pack of them for her bday!!! That was pretty cool!!! So then because we had the fastpasses we enjoyed some more rides there before going to Disneyland, before we left we gave the last of our fastpasses for there to a couple we saw walking (renee's idea to share the fun). At Disneyland, we rode the AstroBlasters (I won of course with my highest score ever 164 thousand something!) We went on Autopia (since we had fastpasses) and two cars in front of Renee was a child driver who couldnt seem to hold the gas pedal well so it was like LA stop and go traffic.... I think I bumped Renee once because of it, Which while I am thinking of it, I dont know for sure what Renee was doing but she was all over the road too.... after that we gave the rest of our fastpasses for there to another couple since we didnt have much time left and we had the wheelchair and so we didnt need them for any other rides..... we went on Splash Mountain and got soaked and left the park for the Birthday surprise for Renee.
We drove down the road and wound up at Medievil Times for dinner. I hadnt been there in several years and Renee hadnt been there since she was a pre-teen (i guess they call them "tweens" now) So we were both pretty excited! We were in the Red and Yellow section and in the front row. We also managed to wind up right in the center of the stadium...right where our knight would stop.... it was great and he was pretty darn cute. Our waiter kinda gave us some problems with the cake and stuff but I ended up getting a partial refund because of it so it worked out ok! It ended up being a super long day but overall it was a ton of fun!!!! We have some fun pictures and souvenirs and stuff to remember that day for a long time! I am glad it all worked out well and I am glad I was able to give Renee a fun day for her birthday! She deserved it!

Monday, June 23, 2008

Piano Practice

....note for BettyEdit...this is the same as my email to you except a few changes like "you" to "my teacher" etc :)But your email came first ;-)

OK so tonight I felt like I was bombing big time in practicing! It seems like sometimes when I practice I seem to get all my notes right and it sounds great and then other times I feel like I am messing up a lot! I even tried to go back to some of the other songs my teacher already signed off and I was messing up on those too! So than I began thinking that maybe the only reason I am getting songs signed off is more because I have memorized that particular song well enough to play it but then when I go back to it I am not really reading the notes right.... maybe I am just a nerd and this is all part of the learning process.. I just wonder sometimes if someday I will be able to pick up some sort of music sheet and play what it says mostly ok without messing up.... I have started noticing a lot more during hymns in church that I am looking at the music as well as the lyrics and following along "reading the notes" noticing whether they are whole or 1/4 or 1/2 or 1/8 and stuff. And looking how you hold one key but not the others etc. anyways I hope I don't sound like I am whining or anything (although I kind of am) I am not getting as frustrated as before. I am learning to make notes in the music that help me to know what I need to be playing even though the notes may not make any sense to others. Its like my teacher said I can mark what I want to help me identify my trouble spots and so its good. I really appreciate her patience with me in teaching me the piano. I kinda feel sometimes like I fit in that saying "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" but than other times I am completely surprised by what I have learned so far! Its incredible! I love that I am learning this! It feels like I am learning so slow sometimes but I know that I am learning and that is all that matters! I know it takes time and I am doing my best to practice daily and for now that is all I can do. But I am looking forward to that day when I can pick up a hymn book (or get the Nightmare Before Christmas book)_ and be able to open it to any page and pretty much just play it! :) I know that day is a ways away but its coming thanks to a wonderful teacher! :) She is amazing! So then just now when I wanted to get online to email my teacher that I feel like tonight I was struggling when I had an email from this online LDS site that sends me daily scriptures and quotes and my next one was in my inbox and this is what it said:

Moroni 10:17-18
"And all these gifts come by the Spirit of Christ; and they come unto every man severally, according as he will. And I would exhort you, my beloved brethren, that ye remember that every good gift cometh of Christ."

George Albert Smith
"On every hand we can find opportunity for the use of the talents our Father has blessed us with. Let us do individual work with our brethren and sisters. If we find a man or a woman who has not succeeded in life, one who is weakening in his faith, let us not turn our backs upon him; let us make it a point to visit him, and go to him in kindness and love, and encourage him to turn from the error of his way. The opportunity to do individual work among us as a people is present everywhere; and there are few men and few women in this church who could not, if they would, reach out a little further from the circle with which they are identified, and say a kind word, or teach the truth to some of our Father's children" (The Teachings of George Albert Smith, p. 139-140).

So I thought that was kind of cool that it was talking about gifts of the spirit and talents when I was kinda doubting whether I have either! I know I do and I know that it is all in the Lords time! I knew I wouldn't be able to just pick up a hymnal after only a couple months of piano practice and play anything. I shouldn't be expecting miracles from myself but I am doing so well and that is all that matters. I am learning and growing and its awesome! Playing piano is really amazing!

Friday, June 20, 2008

For my amazing friends.....

First of all I would like to say if you are reading this than you are probably one of the amazing ones who this is about! It does apply to a few of my good friends....

Your eyes sparkle like stars at night,
The glow of your face is like a beautiful pale moonlight.
The warmth in your smile, like the sun at middy.
You light up a room in every way.

There's safety in all your hugs.
I feel im "snug as a bug"
Your friendship gives me comfort.
And helps me overcome all life's hurts.

When you are nearby, there's music everywhere.
Such a beautiful tune, Ive no need to fear.
You let me be myself, no need to pretend.
This happiness you give me shall never end.

How you've inspired me to grow,
I'm afraid you'll never know.
When doing bigger and better things.
You've shown me what love can bring,

You gve me a new start,
When you opened my heart,
You taght me to look and to see,
You made me appreciate what I can be,

My road ahead will be hard to follow.
I'll continue walking with each new tomorrow,
When I feel as if I've had enough.
I know you taught me to remain tough.

I'm never turning back.
You put me on the right track.
Im praying for eternity.
Someday it will come for both you and me,

I'm thankful for you.
For all we've been through.
When this journey ends.
Eternally we'll always be friends.


OK so since I have been home yesterday from work I have had a little lesson in humility. I kinda have had it all week long but since I have been home the things the doctor had told me to avoid on Mon have really been a factor in the pain in my knee. In fact today I got a copy of the "restrictions" he sent to my work yesterday and it seems like those are in fact the things that aggravate it the most..... it says: NO climbing, bending/stooping, squatting, kneeling and no lifting over 25 pounds. It also says frequent sitting, and only occasional walking and standing..... so of course (as we already knew that is basicallly no work for me) So anyways today as I tried to sit frequently and so forth I noticed that when we went to Costco and I was carrying in some of the stuff it was kinda hurting (and the boxes I was carrying were less than was kleenex) and when I was holding my nephew last night it was hurting. And of course I have already been avoiding the kneeling and squatting and stuff anyway... but work was aggravating it for all the same reasons (and my partner wasn't exactly trying to help do more of the lifting of patients) and so I am glad I am out for rehabilitation even though I would rather be working. I have also been icing it frequently and um yeah.... so although I already knew I had made the right decision It was re0inforced to me today. Oh and btw I did not walk around costco I used the electric cart :)

Well on a slightlier happier note I feel I am totally improving on the piano! And like I said I have some surprises for Renee when she returns next week and I think she will be happy about them (I am not writing them at this time because she does read my blog) So I don't know exactly when but in the 3 days she will be home we will have to have a lesson! Plus she is going to want to give me more homework before she leaves for her next trip anyway (she's good at assigning homework)

Well I am going to stop here for now....but I am going to post another blog right after this one containing a new poem I wrote earlier this week....

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Facing the Truth....

OK so today I did what I didnt want to do. I spoke with Adam (the physicians assistant) at my orthopaedics office. He sent notice to my work for restrictions which because I cannot work in my job with restrictions I am again on disability! :( I don't want to be but I don't really have too much choice either. I need to give my knee the time to heal and I realized that I was putting not only myself but my patients and my partner at risk by working with the pain because should something happen while working I couldve dropped my patient or otherwise! Plus its hard to ckimb in and out of the rig and do the lifting and stuff with the sharp pains. SO you know...sometimes you have to face the truth that you just cannot be at work when you want to be! I know that this is a trial I am needing to face, although I don't know why and I am not sure what I am going to learn from it but I know that I made the right choice! Although life stinks! I don't want to be at home and I have a hard time relaxing and staying down but I am going to try to be better at it because I do want to heal properly and get back to work ASAP!~ Anyways life goes on......

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

My Knee and the Doc

OK so since I was in such pain over the weekend....and yes I did use one crutch at church even though it meant a lot of questions and attention I didn't want! This morning (technically yesterday ) first thing I did was call the doctors office to see if I could get an appointment. SO I scheduled one for 4pm with the physicians assistant. SO I went there for my appt and waited in the waiting room for like 45 min (they were super busy...) I had brought my Ensign with me and was reading it while waiting, and interestingly enough there was an article about teh Spiritual side of was really an incredible story and I underlined a bunch from it. The really cool thing is on Sun I got a blessing from my home teachers that was truely incredible. On Sat night since I was in such pain and was so scared about what was going on etc I had a lot of questions and stuff in my nightly prayers. DUring the blessing my home teacher answered a lot of those questions! It was an amazing sign of the true power of the Priesthood. It really showed me how they are guided by the Spirit and how powerful a blessing can be. (I knew before but it is always amazing to have it be reminded) It reminded me how much I am loved by my Heavenly Father and then seeing that article today re-inforced the importance of faith going hand in hand with medical care. I know that I am going to be ok. I know that no matter what happens I have people on my side! Especially my Savior and my Heavenly Father! SO getting back to my appointment.... they brought me back into a room and when the Physicians Assistant Adam came in the room he looked at me and said "oh no" I was like "I know"... and I told him what was going on. I told him about slipping a couple weeks ago and about how for the past week or so I have been stiff and then over the weekend how I was in a lot of pain and getting the sharp pains throughout. But that today was mostly ok... so he had me get on the table and he was checking it out and stuff and found my sore spots and so forth and after checking it he told me he thinks that when I slipped I may have sprained my MCL. (the ligament on the inside of the knee) He said that it wouldnt be too effective to take an MRI because being only 3months post-op there may be some abnormalities that would show up that are mostly only surgery related things that could be confused with being a new injury. SO he was telling me that since I have a crazy work schedule and cannot really do physical therapy that I shoudl try and take it easy as much as possible. Not to walk around too much on my leg when not necessary (he used shopping etc as an example) and was saying he could put me on light duty for work. I reminded him that I cannot really do light duty at work and he asked if I could work in the office or something and I told him not really. HE said he would just put a few restrictions like "o climbing" and I told him since I am short I have to climb just to get into the ambulance usually, but that I have been cautious since being back at work. He said he could take me out again totally from work and I told him I really didnt want to do that if it could be avoided. SO he gave me an anti-inflamatory medication to take and he told me whenever possible to stay off my leg. But he also said in the same sense to try and exercise it on a stationary bike so that I can get it moving with a simple motion but no resistance.... so I am still going to try and work and hopefully this will all pass. I have a follow-up appointment in 2 weeks to see if it settles down a bit to where it may just be related to the slip or if it is continuing to hurt and/or get worse. I am hoping its good! Well thats my update! Its late and I should be in bed!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Pain Pain Go AWAY!!!!

OK so I think most people know I had knee surgery 3 months ago! (almost to the day, it was March 13th) Anyways I was out of work for 9 weeks and have been back at work for 4 weeks. Well things have been progressively getting better, until this week.... On Sun night I was getting a little sore, which was no big deal at first, but then I was again sore on Mon when we went to Disneyland (to the point I was contemplating a wheelchair and/or handicap pass before we decided to leave early) so then I was like ok this is odd. But I knew being at Disneyland with all the extended walking and being on my feet was probably partly to do with it. I was mostly ok on Tues, but all week it has been stiff while I have been at work and with it being stiff its been a little bit sore. Again it was more of a nuisance than anything because it was just tight. But today for some reason more than just being tight and stiff it started hurting again. I also had one moment today where it felt like it locked up on me. I was at work and trying to do my job than this afternoon with it still hurting I had to take a patient home from the hospital. We had to carry the patient up 4 steps into the house around the corner and into the bedroom where we put him into the bed. Usually no big deal but it was hurting. After that call when we got back to the station I asked if I could leave because I didn't to risk making my knee worse or dropping a patient or something because it hasn't been hurting like this until today. Now I am a little scared! I don't want to but it looks like I am going to have to call the doctor on Mon morning. My mom told me earlier because I had come home from work and stuff that I should probably use my crutches for a few days. I really don't want to have to do that, and especially didn't want to use them at church tomorrow, but just now walking into my sisters house I was getting really sharp pains in my knee (which was completely different than what was going on before my surgery) and I could barely even walk. I basically came into the nearest room and sat down (which luckily because I am at my sisters house was the office and so now I am online and blogging) Anyways this really sucks! I am really scared about it because I was so glad it was getting better. I am so happy to be back at work and things have been going really well! I love it and I have even been really cautious and stuff too. For instance most of the rigs don't have a side-step and so because I am short I have always basically just jumped out of the rigs, but since I have been back I have been really careful to go slowly and to step down regularly. Same with the back of the rig.... So now even though I have been taking extra pre-cautions I am hurting!!! It scares me a lot because I don't want to be regressing! I want to be getting more and more able, and was even looking forward to slowly start riding my bike again but now it looks as if once again that isnt going to be happening! UGH!! Well its time to go home now! I will be getting a blessing tomorrow at church and I hope it helps!

Friday, June 13, 2008

Still kicking

Ok so I know I haven't posted in a few days... mostly because my computers at home are not working and so I cannot really get online! Anyways I am not really "stuck in the middle" anymore. I did talk to the association vice president and he agreed and said that if I did write a letter (which I told him i wasn't going to say what my partner wanted me to but only the truth as I could say) it wasn't really going to help my partner any so not to worry about it. They spoke to my partner and I didn't have to write anything. Although my partner is still pretty grumpy about the whole situation and his being punished so thats kind of annoying working with someone in a bad mood! But on the plus side, he is talking about switching his shift so than I wouldn't have to deal with the drama anymore...I just hope if he does that I get a decent partner afterwards.

So on Mon Renee and I went to Disneyland, we spent most of the day at Ca Adventure though because I had won a "sneak peek" for the new Toy Story mania ride. They told us as long as the lines stayed short we could continue to ride as often as we would like during our time slot (10a-3p) so we decided to take advantage of that and we rode 5 times. It is a 3-D game/ride and my best description would be that its like being in a huge video game! It was SO MUCH FUN!!! Renee pretty much kicked my trash almost every time (she won 3/5 and I won the other 2/5) but I really enjoyed it! SHe is so awesome! I am sad that she is going to be out of town for basically the next month and a half though :( but during the 2 1/2 days she will be here in-between the two trips she is taking we are going back to Disneyland and then somewhere after that same evening for her birthday! Its going to be fun fun fun! I have a few surprises up my sleeve for her birthday! I am pretty excited about it and I love teasing her because of it! I love making people suspicious and keep them in suspense. I think I may even blindfold her when we leave D-land that day so she doesn't know where we are going... or not because that might be a long drive and I don't want other cars to think I kidnapped her.... hmm.... none-the less it is going to be A LOT of fun! Later that night (we left D-land early because of it, and because my knee was getting pretty sore anyway) we went to our branch Presidents house to play Mario Kart on the Nintendo Wii. Renee kicked both mine and presidents butt on that one too! But I could usually stay above President in the races (he was usually in 12th place and most of mine were 10th or 11th, although I did get an occasional 5th or so) President and I already decided we are going to rematch with her after her travels, I told him we need a few practice sessions in the meanwhile... theres some other members in the branch we might do it with.

Well otherwise not too much is going on! Lots of drama at home as always but I don't want to get into that here, but I am tired of being stuck in all that nonsense too! As soon as I get better control of my finances I am gone!!! I don't know yet where I will be going, but once I can get out, I am going there!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Stuck in the middle.....

So there is some "drama" at work right now. It involves my partner and some recent decisions he has made. but unfortunately because it happened at work while I was present in the ambulance I am kinda stuck in the middle. There is now some disciplinary action going on and he is in trouble for what he did. Management questioned me about the incident and I answered their questions. Now he is expecting me to write a letter about the incident and was kind of telling me what he wanted me to say in that letter because he is fighting his punishment stuff. I kind of feel as if he wants my involvement to rely upon my credibility and I am kinda worried about that because I don't want it to affect me in the long run. I want to do whats right, I already answered the questions (and did not lie) and I feel bad for my partner. I do feel that they are kind of over-reacting but I don't really know with confidence what is right and wrong in this situation. My partner made a comment to me about it when it happened (before someone contacted work about it) and now he is saying he was joking but I dont really know if he was.... so its a little frustrating for me! Anyways I don't want to say much more than that, But I do know this has already affected me, and I know that due to his particular current punishment I will continue to be affected for awhile and until it is all worked out. But since he has the association involved (kinda like our version of a union representation) I think I am going to talk to them first about how I feel and see what they want me to do. I think I am going to tell them I am worried that he is using me to try and better his story and I don't want to be in that position. I dont want to hurt my partner and I dont want him to be punished but he just might have done wrong this time... but I dont know for sure! Anyways thanks for letting me vent! I think I need to go pray now!

Thursday, June 5, 2008


Ok so I am working and we get a call for a 51-50 (3day psychiatric hold) patient from a residence going to ER. Police dept and psych team onscene. So before arriving I already know that 1. The patient has probably been drinking or doing drugs or has some sort of medical problem since he is going to the ER and not straight to the psych hospital. 2. Police onscene means there is some question as to whether he is combative and/or cooperative or willing to go (most of the time they are not there when the psych team is) So we get there and the psych assistant meets us at the driveway to show us where the apartment is... he tells us our patient is depressed and has been drinking. His apartment is on the second floor but that he wants to be able to go for detox so he should be copperative and able to ambulate to gurney. So we bring the gurney to the bottom of the stairway so thats as far as he walks. Then the psych lady meets us with the hold paperwork and tells us he is copperating and the wife is going to follow us to the ER. No big deal.... so I start going upstairs I get to the top and I see the wife coming out then I notice someone else.... then I get a closer look and realize that the someone else has long blonde curly hair (wig), bright pink/red lipstick, high heels, a miniskirt, a white tank top and bra (possibly stuffed) purple toe-nail polish. Girly sunglasses and a really bad tan from a bottle! Oh and needs to shave their legs, arms chest etc! It was our patient! Nobody we saw mentioned to us ahead of time that our patient was a transvestite! A mighty UGLY one at that! Anyways it was interesting and I am glad I was the one driving and that my partner got to spend the hour drive in the back with him! When we walked in teh ER everyone was doing a double take and you could see people turning around to either laugh or not show their face or whatever! It was quite the moment. THen when we had him stand up to get off the gurney he kept asking how he looked and was trying to pull his skirt up on his waist! GROSS!! Anyways just thought I would share my interesting patient of the day! SOmetimes you just have to laugh after the fact! :)