Saturday, September 27, 2008


For my birthday I went to Disneyland. It was a lot of fun, except that they raised the price of the wheelchair rentals and the price of the pickles!!!! UGH.... it was kind of frustrating too because I brought my crutches with me and when I was off the wheelchair I used the crutches! I had spoke to the physicians assistant at my orthopaedics office the night before about my increased pain and decreased level of tolerance with my knee. I told him that I am only able to do a very little before I am hurting and that when it is hurting it is worse than before my first surgery! It is so frustrating. He told me that even though I probably don't like to I need to be using a cane or crutches when I am up and about but more so to try and stay off it as much as possible. I told him I am doing the best I can so far and that I have been getting wheelchairs when shopping and stuff. Anyways like I said I am following his orders and using the crutches.... except not regularly when at home... but anywhere else they are there :( So all but one of my pictures yesterday when I was with the characters I had my crutches there with me... *sigh* the worst thing about it is I hate using them for church and church related stuff because I hate explaining about my knee getting worse and stuff to everyone! I really don't like drawing attention to myself and crutches is a sure attention getter! I am stubborn about that kind of thing. But I really want to get better so I guess I will do it anyway! In the meanwhile he did give me a prescription for an anti-inflammatory and more pain medication. He also put in a request for authorization for another MRI so that we can compare it to my first one before the last surgery and see if something is going on! (I am pretty sure there is considering the amount of pain and stuff, but Adam said that could just be from the injections also, but it was like this before the injections so who knows) So enough about that. Onto MONTANA!!!

Ok so I am would imagine most people who read my blog are familiar with movies and stuff on TV or even other places that when you see something to represent the desert there is usually the skull of a bull, with the horns and stuff and that is what you see. Well I like to collect the pressed pennies and stuff and always get at least one when I go to DIsneyland (or anywhere else I see them) and while at CA Adventure they had a machine for the pressed quarters. The design was brother Bear related. They were really cute and I had lots of quarters with me so I took 4 quarters out of my coin pouch (which has Mickey Mouse on it incase you wanted to know) and I put the quarters in the machine and pushed it to go. My quarter came out and was flattened. As I was looking at it and flipped it over I noticed on the back an image that reminded me of the skull thing I was mentioning! It was the weirdest thing. Or so I thought.... I showed it to Lisa who was with me and was telling her that it was weird that it had that image on it and I was really confused and amazed at how it happened! It was really a mystery to me. Then by chance while continually looking at it I tilted the quarter just right where I could barely make out the word "Montana" it than occured to me that I must have used a Montana state quarter in the machine and that is the quarter that got pressed! It was the most random thing and was completely done unintentionally but ended up becoming a pretty funny story in the end. After I realized it Lisa thought I might have been playing but it was legit. I really did not know I used that particular quarter! It was a funny moment of the day!! :) Since than I have looked at another Montana quarter that was not flattened and it's true, it does have the skull image on it!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


I am so blessed and so lucky to have what I have in life! I have the gospel! I have a wonderful family (most of the time) I have shelter and food and employment (minus the whole disability issue) I have transportation.... and I have amazing friends!~ Ones who really know me and send me stuff like coin albums for all my Disneyland and other various pressed pennies! And a gift card that happens to be just the right amount for a snow globe I really want! And birthday cards that make me smile!!! Who could ask for anything more?? I know some of that is worldy possessions that I cannot take when I go but the people whom I am so blessed to know have also taught me a lot about who I am, who I want to be and who I am becoming! I am greatful for the knowledge I have and that opportunity I have on a regular basis to learn and to grow!

Life is good. This is something I have come to realize lately, it doesn't matter that my knee is messed up, that my Dad is in the hospital. All that matters is that I know the truth and I am doing all that I can to reach the celestial kingdom someday! I know that I can return to live with my Heavenly FAther someday! I know that when the time is right I will meet my Prince Charming and that we will be sealed for time and all eternity in the Temple! That is an amazing blessing in my life that I am looking forward to someday! I know all the other stuff will work itself out. I know that my dad is recovering and will get to come home sometime soon, I know that whether or not I have another knee surgery I will be able to work again. I know that I can make a difference! I know who I am and that is all I need to remember, as a Daughter of God I am a princess! I am entitled to peace and happiness and I can attain so many blessings beyond my wildest dreams. It doesn't take much and I am glad that I have the road map to get me there!


Ok so every now and than I take a stab at writing some poetry.... awhile ago I started this (but I didn't date it) and I forgot I had even done it... but I came across it again recently.... so here it is....

I thought I knew everything...
I thought I knew what life would bring....
I wish I knew something.....
I wish I knew anything....
I used to know a lot of things....
I now realize I know, next to nothing.....

Sunday, September 21, 2008

It's Not About Ego

I have always told people that I love my job! It is completely true that I do! I have also been known to tell people that I am not like many of my co-workers who are either burned out in the field of work (it happens fast for some people) and I am not like many who just have a negative attitude over-all which can affect every aspect of the job we are there to perform! A long while ago I was looking at a magazine related to my field of work... in it I found a really interesting "article" or story or whatever you may want to call it! Anyways I photo-copied it because I liked it so much! I am thinking eventually when I go back to work and then start training new employees again I would like to give my newbies copies of it because I think it is true in so many ways! Now sometimes I kinda feel like I am being egotistical when I am talking about how I have a different perspective of my job than my coworkers and stuff but I really am not trying to be. Anyways this is the article/story thing I was talking about, I think a lot of it can be applied in our own lives for so many different areas we are individually involved with.....

EMS: It's Not About Ego
By: Chief Tim L. Holman
(P.S. EMS stands for Emergency Medical Services)

Stop and reflect for a minute. Are you ego driven or are you values driven?If you are driven by ego, your focus is mainly on yourself. If you are values driven you are focused more on others.
People who are values driven tend to be humble. Humility is an important element for the EMS provider, since it keeps things in perspective. Norman Vincent Peale once said, "People with humility don't think less of themselves... they just think of themselves less."
EMS is not about ego, it's about caring for the organization for which you work. It's about helping make that organization better today than it was yesterday.
Ego is about a flight nurse or paramedic making three attempts to intubate a critical patient instead of passing the task off for someone else to try. Ego is about being afraid to admit that you were wrong at the expense of the patient or coworker.
EMS is not about ego; it's about maintaining and promoting a positive attitude not a negative one. EMS is about looking for the good things in the organization. It's about being part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Ego is about "me" instead of "we". EMS is about being a team player. It's about building trust with teh patient and with your team members. It's about supporting the team and cooperating with other team members. It's about searching for a win win situation instead of a win lose.
Ego is about putting yourself before the patient. It's about putting on a show instead of caring for the injured. Ego is about talking more than performing. It's about telling people how much you know instead of mentoring and guiding the new EMT.
EMS is not about ego, it's about being authentic. It's about being a real person who doesn't play games. It's about being honest and straightforward. EMS is about standing firm on your value system and speaking out when those values are compromised by others.
EMS is about a commitment to the job and what the job stands for. It's about being willing to do what others are unwilling to do. It's about dedication. EMS is about doing your very best for the critically ill and the not so critically ill.
EMS is not about ego and its not about being special because of the position you hold. EMS providers are special because they choose to care for those who cannot care for themselves. They embrace the fragile elements of life.
EMS is about making a strong comeback when you fail. It's more about how you respond when you lose than how you respond when you win.
Ego is about the conflicts you have back at the station when you are trying to get your own way. It's when you lose your focus and forget why you're here. It's about never saying you're sorry when you hurt someone.
EMS is not about ego; it's about maintaining a high level of customer service. It's about understanding both the internal and external customer. It's about knowing the needs of the customer and then exceeding those needs.
EMS is about listening to the elderly man who just lost his wife. It's about giving your time to the boy scout troop that wants to tour your station. It's about the little girl who is not only injured but frightened.
EMS is about being a good neighbor both on and off duty. It's about being involved. It's about respecting life and understanding how fragile it is. It's about being a good citizen.
EMS is not about ego and it's not about saving every life. It's about making a bad situation better than before you arrived. It's about the love for mankind and leaving everything you touch just a little better.

Well as I said, I would like to hope that I am not being egotistical when I am talking about my attitude towards work versus others I work with. But I try to live my life the way he talked about. I try to do the best I can in every situation, on every call. Even if it is a patient that is notorious for being unclean or needy or who really doesn't need an ambulance. I try to be positive even if I have to take a certain patient freqeuently and most don't like taking them. I try to help and I hope that I can. I hope that when I am working I am maintaining a sense of humility, that I am not thinking of myself as superior to others. I really hope that I am involved in a positive way and not standing by watching others do what I should be doing. I love my job! I love the company I work for and that is what it is all about. That is the reason I stay where I am and not go to other companies who offer better pay or a schedule I would rather have or that is closer to my own home. I love being able to try and make a difference on a daily basis! This is why I love my job! This is why I want to get my knee healed so that I may return to work. This is why I don't want to be a dispatcher or a mail carrier! This is why I am an EMT!!!!!!!!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Rollercoaster of life

I am doing alright. I got my third and final injection on Weds. This one has made my knee swollen and naturally it is sore as well. They said it could be up to 6 weeks after that third injection before noticing any changes.... so we shall see! The first injection went ok, I was a little uncomfortable for a day or two and then was the way it was before the injections, where if I did any walking for more than like 15 min I would get sore, or if I was sitting with it bent for extended periods of time etc. So then the 2nd injection was last week and after it I was constantly sore for like 4 or 5 days (I had the injection on Weds and was sore until the weekend) so then this one I am sore but not as bad as last week, but this one made my knee swell whereas the others didn't so much. (the first two I got a little swollen around the inection site, this one my whole knee looks swollen) and I am sore if I do too much like always. SO we shall see.... as much as I hate to say it, I have a feeling I will end up having a second surgery because in the past month or so I have been getting more sore than I did before my first surgery even! The cortisone injection didn't help and so far this one doesnt seem to be either.... but there is still a chance because I have told them all that had happened with the first two injections and stuff and they said it may not be until after the third to notice anything.... I am trying to be optimistic but as some of you can probably relate...I know my body and can just kind of tell.... I want the injections to have helped, and if they do I am hoping it doesnt end up being kinda like a bandaid where they only help short-term and I end up going through all this crap again later on down the road! It scares me because with my field of work it wont take much to re-aggravate it, if it hasn't fully healed/helped!

My dad is doing alright. It's kinda been a long week so far. On Mon of course was the operation and that night they said his heart was already looking better on the moniters with its output and so forth. Than on Tues I stayed home, but my Mom, and two of my sisters visited him and my mom said he was doing pretty well. They had taken out the breathing tube and stuff and they were starting to give him some water and stuff. Then on Weds my mom and I went in the morning, and a couple of my sisters went in the afternoon and he was super sore and really grouchy! He was also complaining of some leg pain and it was a little swollen. They had made him get out of bed to walk and he went a little further than they had expected. Then yesterday my Mom went down and he was in bed, they had re-entered the urine catheter, had him on an oxygen mask (Because his oxygen levels were dropping) and she said he wasn't feeling well at all and mostly kinda slept all day. Then in the afternoon the nurse said he was going in and out of A-Fib (which is an irregular heartbeat) and so they were going to give him medication for that! Today my Mom went down and she said he had no energy at all, they were re-establishing a picc line (like an iv but goes to the heart for meds and stuff) and they were giving him 2 pints of blood. but he was off of the O2 mask and back on a low flow oxygen. His leg was swollen even more and he was hurting and his leg was hurting as well. They said the leg is from his gout and the doctor wanted to change his med he takes for that, but the surgeon said no, so they increased his med dose he is already on for the gout. Oh and all week long since the surgery they have been having trouble equalizing his blood sugar level with his diabetes. SO they are adjusting his insulin medications as well. So thats where we stand there.... it's kinda of hard to know if he is doing as can be expected or better or worse or what! Because my mom said they were talking about taking him from ICU and putting him into the telemetry rooms (a step down from ICU but they would still be doing cardiac monitering) so if he wasnt doing ok they wouldnt take him from icu, but with all thats been happening it seems like to me that they would keep him where he is at.... so who knows... again we shall see!

So on Thurs a sister of mine and I were left home when my mom went to the hospital for babysitting. My mom told this sister that because of my injection on Weds that my knee was sore adn that she would have to help a little more with the childcare of our nephews. So we were here. She wanted to go get food so she left and came back. All was well. I took a late shower and things were bueno! She was on the computer, I was in the chair, my shadow was playing around and watching a little TV. The little one Isaiah was in his swing... swinging (go figure huh!) things were going alright. Well we had a lot of leftovers of the previous nights dinner so I called the elders to see if they were interested in it for lunch and they were. So I heated it up. I told my sister that I was going to take it to the elders at the church building and then go to the post office because I had a package to mail to a friend. She was on the computer still but said ok when I left. While I was gone, my gas light came on in my car, so I sent her a text message and said that I was also going to get gas before coming home. so after getting my gas I got a text from her asking me when I would be home because the baby was hungry and she couldn't pause her computer game! I was on my way home already and was driving so I didn't respond, I just set my phone down. Very soon after it was ringing and it was her asking me the same thing. I told her I was on my way home and that my knee was hurting. When I did get home she was still playing teh game on her laptop but was at least in the kitchen making him a bottle. SO I changed his diaper and his clothes and ended up feeding him while she continued on the computer. Meanwhile we tried to get my shadow to lay down and take a nap, he laid for awhile then wanted to continue to play! So after feeding the baby I put him on the floor with some toys for tummy time. Elijah was still watching tv and she was on computer. I dosed off in the recliner. All was well. Than the baby started crying.... I hadn't been asleep long so I stayed there.... he was still crying.... and still crying..... and still crying.... I never looked at my watch or a clock or anything, I don't think it was an incredibly long time, but long enough to know he wasn't happy.... finally I sat up, I said "let me go to the bathroom and then I will get you". I went to the bathroom and when I came back out she had picked him up, kinda set him on her lap and was still playing her game! I was thinking "finally she is going to do something!"(well she said elijah had a poopy diaper when I had been gone that she had changed, but she never changed Isaiah who had soaked not only his diaper but his clothes by the time I had changed him when getting home from errands) Since she had finally picked him up I went and got the mail and then figured I could go back to napping. I got back in the chair, she brought him and put him in my lap.... and went back to the computer~! So then of course because I had him, my shadow had to be in my lap. Not a problem except he wouldn't sit still and was doing a lot of bumping of my knee and sitting on it and stuff! I was hurting and getting frustrated and all she was doing was yelling at him from across the room while I was trying to protect my knee, not drop the baby and getting elbowed in the face from Elijah! So I texted my mom and told her that my sis had been on the computer all day and i was stuck with the kid duty and that my sis had even texted and called me to see when I would be home because he was hungry!!! She was like "what do you want me to do about it?" I told her I wasn't expecting anything it was just frustrating to basically be doing it alone when my sis knew I was in pain and I had even mentioned earlier that my knee was swollen and that I should be elevating and icing it (but I couldnt with kids all over me) anyways my mom texted her...she got ticked off, she took Elijah and gave him a bottle and got him to lay down in my moms room with the tv (which of course finally got him napping) and by this time the baby had fallen asleep on my lap so she put him in his crib and was like "you can go nap or do whatver now if you want" so I got my ice pack and elevated my knee and laid down in my bad crying because I was hurting and was frustrated and all! She in the meanwhile went and did the few dishes in the sink (it was like 5-10 min worth of dishes...not really much at all) then went back to her game on the computer! By the time the boys woke up their mom was home! So then this morning I was talking with my mom and she said something about that if both me and my sis needed to do stuff today that we could call a friend to watch the boys.... she said that because my sis had mentioned that she had wanted to try and clean her room today because she couldn't yesterday because she had to watch the boys!! I was like "excuse me?" and my mom was like "i know you dont have to say it" because my sis DIDNT watch the boys yesterday! She barely did anything but watch me struggle to care for them while I was in pain!! UGH!!! So then supposively even though she said she wanted to clean her room she left to go hang out with a friend today... but at least she took elijah with her so I only had the baby! but then she came home and was back to the computer again! Whatever! She easily could've cleaned her room yesterday instead of being on the computer all day... or this morning instead of being with her friend! I am tired of people making up excuses for not soing things they should! I did the dishes today after taking out the trash and the recycling(which my sister did neither yesterday so they were super full) and so after the little bit of cleaning I did I was so sore!!! Even though i was probably only working for like 20 min it felt like forever for my knee!

I must say I normally enjoy rollercoasters! I even like the corkscrews, and the loops! Occasionally I get a little nauseated while riding them but they are normally short trips and then you get off take a little break and move on to the next coaster ride!! But this rollercoaster we call life.... is continuing a little too rough lately, it doesn't seem to be finishing! I am ready for it to slow down and be the relaxing ride like It's a Small World, where you just slowly cruise along and can easily take a power nap to be ready for the rest of the rides you have ahead to ride!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Phone Calls

SO on Sun morning my Dad checked into the hospital and at about 6:45am they took him from his room for surgery. They did what they needed to do and finally after 2pm we were told that they were done with the operation, that he was off of the heart/lung bypass machine adn that his heart was beating on its own!!! But we were told he was still on the operating table he needed to be closed and such and that it would be at least another 40 min or so before we would hear anything more. Finally close to 4pm we were told he would soon be coming back to his ICU room, where he arrived about 4:30. We saw him briefly as they wheeled him past and into the ICU and they said it would be an hour or so for them to get him transferred into bed and connected to all his tubes and drainage tubes, blood transfusion and the moniters and such. So around 6 I think it was we finally got to see him but only briefly! It was hard to see him with all the drainage tubes, he was still intubated (breathing tube in his throat) because he had been under anesthesia so long they didnt want to remove it until they were sure he would be ok on his own. They are going to remove it in the morning! But when we went into the room to see him his eyes were open. He was able to hear and understand us but he couldn't talk. He would blink his eyes to respond though so we knew he was there. I didn't really say anything. I was crying. I know the scariest part is/was over but it was hard to see him like that! I can handle it when I am working but when its my own family, especially my Dad its hard! I guess to some extent that is probably pretty common for most people in my field of work. I am sure its always easier when you have no connection to the person! I am looking forward to going back tomorrow and this week when he can communicate more and we can really see how he is doing. There is still a chance of danger and complications, with infections and recovery and such and making sure he doesn't "bust a seam" (blow the stitches/staples or whatever they used to close him) but the surgeons said his heart is already pumping better than it was before the surgery! They removed a good size piece of the calcification and they said it was completely solid, possibly more-so then they were expecting. I don't know how pliable they were expecting it to be but I was told it was completely solid!

We did have a couple moments of fun though in the waiting room today despite all that was going on. During part of the waiting I was talking with my sister Denise about something and I wanted to go tell my mom my idea, I had known she was in the hall with my cousins wife Darla, so as I went around the corner I was calling for her, "Mom" but at the same time there was a nurse walking by and she heard me call "mom" and stopped turned around as if I was talking to her and looked right at me. Then she got a little bit of a look of confusion on her face and kept going. It was kinda funny, so then we were joking around about how she would have thought something like "why would my kid be here?" or something like "I don't even have daughter why did I look?" Anyways the other thing was my other "mom" was asian! SO we had a good laugh at my moment! The whole time my mom wasn't even in the hall anymore, she had stepped outside! UGH!!!

The other moment was during a moment when we knew what was going on and we were waiting for dad to come back to the ICU. we were making phone calls and letting people know what we knew. During this time my mom was asking us to call some of the people to make it easier... she told us at one point she was to the "M"'s in her cell-phonebook list. SHe called someone and with whatever she was saying we were tryign to figure out who she had called. We werent sure if her phonebook was the M for the first or last name. We figured out she hadn't called Marie Osmund, or Tim McGraw, and it wasn't Madonna either! I said maybe it's "mama" meaning my grandma! It wasn 't her either. Anywyas after though she decided to call my grandma! When she did apparantly something happened on the phone line and both her and my gma heard a ringing type noise in the phone and they got disconnected. Well we didn't know this part of the situation and I hear my mom say on the phone "did your phone just ring?" and so being the sarcastic person I am, I was like "you just called her and she answered didnt she?" anyways Denise and I got a good lauhg out of this even though my mom didn't find it very amusing. So we told DEann about it later and we were all a little giggly and had a good laugh about it, except when we were teasing mom about it she got a little aggressive and smacked Denise and I upside the head for laughing at her! It really hurt! I didn't think that was very nice or neccessary, in fact she hit me more than once! I already had a headache! UGH! SO then a little while later when we were leaving and we were getting in the elevator I was like "did your phone just ring?" and she looked at her phone, so I was laughing, I thought she was going to hit me again but I am glas she didn't!

Well I am glad the scariest part is over, even though I know he is going to be super sore in the morning and that he will probably be grouchier than ever because they are going to make him get out of bed and stuff and he isn't going to like that! I know we still have quite the road ahead, but I am thankful he made it so far! I am thankful for my Savior and the comfor ti have had in this time, as well as my family! I am thankful for the dinners being provided this week by ward members from church! I am truely blessed!~ I am thankful too for the little moments of fun despite a long and tiresome scary day!!!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Time for every season....

Well the time has come, it has been a long time coming and it is finally here. My Dad will be having open heart surgery on Monday! It is a very scary situation. This is something he has needed for over a year now (almost 2 years for the bypass part of it) It is very scary. He has a rare heart condition called Pericardial Calcification with constrictive pericarditis..... anyways basically what it means is that the pericardial sac that surrounds the heart and protects it... is becoming calcified (hardened) and so it is constricting the heart and decreasing it's ability to pump properly. Apparantly most cardiologists will only see this condition ina patient approximatelyy once every 5 years or so. Its not like cogestive heart failure (which my dad also has) or like when a patient has a blockage needing a stent or bypass. It's a lot more serious. If the calcification is not surgically removed eventually it will completely suffocate the heart and my dad will pass on. But at the same time because of the seriousness of the condition to remove it they have to put him on a heart and lung bypass machine for the operation and go in and chip away or remove the pericardial sac. It is kinda like peeling a hard boiled egg.... they have to remove the shell. Then while they already have him on the table they will take care of the bypass as well. So even the operation is life threatning! It doesn't help that he is overweight, and diabetic and has the CHF. They all increase the risks of any major operation.... so we don't even know any percentages of survival versus the alternative for this operation! We are hoping for survival with a full recovery! On the plus side today my Bishop and the missionaries came over to give him a Priesthood blessing. It was incredible!! Afterwards my Dad said that when they laid their hands on his head he felt a tingling sensation throughout his body! He felt the Holy Ghost! I had been praying that he would! That he would recognize the power of the Priesthood on the earth and he did!! It was amazing!! I just hope he remembers that and has more interest in church after the operation! ANyways its super late (almost 3 am) and we are doing a family breakfast around 8am before they leave to check into the hospital! So I should hit the hay! But I wanted to post a poem that I wrote last summer after we had first learned of his having this condition..... because we had just learned of it than and now its time for the surgery and so it applies:

It’s Hard

It’s hard
The pains we have to bear

It’s hard
With so much tribulation everywhere

It hurts
To overcome the pain

It hurts
Time and time again

It hungers
My soul to find peace

It hungers
To feel some relief

It helps
When we have a friend

It helps
To find a blessing in the end

It’s hard
To get on our knees and pray

It’s hard
When there’s never the words to say

It hurts
When you have to say goodbye

It hurts
To not understand the reason why

It hungers
To find answers day by day

It hungers
To trust God’s will everyday

It helps
To put my faith in God

It helps
Having my feet planted in Gospel sod

Renee L Conaway 7-17-2007

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

My Shadow

So normally when I think of a shadow I think of the image portrayed of my body when I am standing in the sun or in a room with a light only in one spot. In the dictionary it has several definitions listed.... my favorites for my idea of a shadow are numbers 2, 4a & 5.... "2: a reflected image 4 a: an imperfect and faint representation b: an imitation of something : copy 5: the dark figure cast upon a surface by a body intercepting the rays from a source of light" ... (full definition found on
Anyways I have found that I need to appreciate also definition 4b... the part about the imitation. My shadow comes whether I am inside the house or outside. When it is dark or light, when I am at home or the store... he (yes he) can be found anywhere, anytime and at anyplace! He is about 2 1/2 feet tall and is learning to talk. More commonly he goes by the name Elijah but I decided I am going to nickname my nephew Shadow! He just turned 2 in Aug. He is learning a lot and growing up fast! He is way cute but also in the "terrible twos" stage of life. For several months now (since as far back as March that I can recall specific events) he has gotten into mocking and copying people in the house. But in my own personal observation he has taken it a lot further with me. Maybe its because since all my knee stuff I have been home more so he sees me a lot, but he sees my parents more.... most of the time I don't mind, in fact it is frequently very cute. But at the same time it can be frustrating too!
Like I said I can remember an incidence as far back as March, which was when I had my knee operation. Well a day or two after surgery I was going to the kitchen for something. I was allowed to do minor weight bearing as tolerated and I really hated the crutches so since I was only going to the kitchen I went crutch free. But this also meant I was weak and wobbling and basically limped or hobbled to the kitchen. I got to the sink and leaned on it to take the pressure off a little and when I kinda turned around I noticed my little shadow limping and pulling his leg along like I had done! He also had to sit and ice his knee everytime I did. He had to have it elevated and everything! Just like me.... (hence the picture) That was such a cute thing that I cannot remember any specific copying before that! But it mostly started around than! Anyways lately in the past few weeks he has increased in his shadowing of Aunt Renee! With all my watching of Smallville on several occasions he has come into my room, walked out and came back with his blanket, put it on my bed and wanted "up". He would then sit next to me in whatever position I was in. If I was leaning on the wall with a pillow thats what he wanted to do. If I sat up more and scoot over so would he. If I had a bowl of popcorn so did he. ETC ETC! You get the idea.... well then even the other night I was on my stomach laying on my bed with a pillow and while watching Smallville I was writing a letter. I had my phone and my remotes and stuff like normal with me and my lap-desk and my pens and stationary. HE came in an saw me and left. He came back with a notebook and an inkpen and wanted up. I brought him up and he laid down next to me on his stomach and looked at me and smiled. Then he had to get a pillow to lay on like me. If I changed pens so did he! He was even trying to hold the pen like I was. If I stopped to think, he stopped to.
He watches my every move! Like I said it is frequently cute and very touching... but can get frustrating at other times like the other day when I was trying to clean the kitchen (which he loves to help do dishes with whomever) but I was getting sore and knew I couldn't stand in the kitchen much longer, but he really wanted to help. I had to break his heart and he cried when I wouldn't let him help... :( I wanted to cry too!
Well tonight I was making some popcorn. I was in the kitchen and he was watching me from the dining room. I don't remember why but I was laughing. I don't know if I started just to play with him or what but he copied me laughing. So I laughed differently and he imitated it. I would snort and he tried to snort. In fact that no matter how I tried to laugh he would copy it. A witches cackle a hissing or anything, if it was a hahaha or a hehehe or a hohoho. If I did it deep like Santa or high pitched like Barbie he was doing what I was. Even if I would do something fuinny and change it up... he would too! Which of course made me laugh even more! It went on for several minutes. SO then I went in the other room and he did it some more in front of my parents and my sister, than again in front of my other sister! So for about 10 or 15 min my shadow and I laughed together! That was a moment where my shadow was fun!
Anyways I would recommend if you do not have a very active shadow like mine you should look into it! He is much more exciting than "a dark figure cast upon a surface by a body intercepting the rays from a source of light" he is active and loud and even plays in the dark! Except he can be a little demanding at times... he needs diaper changes and food and drinks and stuff! He has to be bathed and put in a carseat in the car and stuff and sometimes wants to be carried! But if you are willing to sacrifice to comply with the demands this is the shadow for you! Mine especially likes my animal crackers I bought at Costco. He frequently comes in my room and carries the bucket out to someone who can open the lid for him. The other day I was on the computer and heard a noise, I turned and he was in the doorway with my bucket.... I looked at him and him at me... then he smiled and said "haha" and was gone with the crackers! hmmpfh!! Oh goodness... how I love my shadow! I know someday he willgrow out of it and become more of a brat than he already is... but for now he is a lot of fun!

Saturday, September 6, 2008


OK so you can call me a nerd if you want but I enjoy watching Smallville. A friend of mine got me into it a few years back. But in all reality I wasn't watching it regularly. I tried to but I ended up getting pretty far behind so I sorta stopped watching it. Oh and incase you don't know what it's about..... its about Clark Kent (AKA Superman) but its about his earlier days. When he was growing up and learning about his powers and stuff. Most of the first seasons were his high school years. (the back of the season one box says this: "Between the boy Clark Kent thought he was and the man he is destined to become lie the compelling stories of Smallville, the popular action series that reimagines the Superman saga from its roots...") SO to me the funny thing is I have never seen a Superman movie in my life! If I have I don't remember it! I haven't ever watched Batman or Star Wars either! So I find it odd that I have gotten into watching Smallville. Anyways at least a year or so ago I ended up buying seasons 1-3 at some point in time or another. Last year during the time I was working on a rotating 24 hour shift I often brought Smallville and my portable Dvd player with me to work and during the time I was at the station if I wasn't reading scriptures or writing in my journal I was watching back to back episodes of Smallville. I stopped somewhere in season 2. Thats where I left off.

Well than lately I got back onto my Smallville kick! I have been watching at least one disk each night (usually 4 episodes) and trying to get caught up on the story of Smallville adn CLark Kent. I started somewhere in Season 2 where I thought I had left off when working some of the episodes seemed familiar but I continued. Because I didn't know where I had left off plus I had seen some on TV and didnt know which seasons or episodes those were! Well tonight I finished Season 3 and started season 4! Yup I watched 2 disks tonight! :) It seems to be the only thing lately that keeps me off my legs! Which with my knee I am supposed to be doing a lot of sitting around but I find it hard to sit still! Except lately while watching Smallville. But I seem to start kinda late in the night so I end up staying up until like 2 or 3 am watching it. Than sleeping in late! Its not good because eventually I will be going back to work and have to be on a normal schedule again, but for the time being I guess its ok! :) So I was thinking since I am back on track and trying to get caught up with all I've missed that since I am still out of work I can maybe watch all the seasons and be ready for the new season when it starts this month! But I don't know when it restarts and I found out that I am pretty far behind! Especially since this week or next ( I don't remember the exact date) season 7 was being released on DVD! I guess I have more catching up to do than I thought! But I'm trying! Each season averages like 22-23 episodes each! Each time I finish a disk even at like 2 or 3am I am tempted to start the next!

Maybe I enjoy the show because I like that in every episode good usually triumphs over evil. It is usally Clark who overcomes and wins in the end. Even if his powers are make-believe and fictional, but than again so are the things he is having to overcome in the others he is fighting. Maybe I like that there is always some sort of moral to be learned by Clark. Or maybe I just enjoy the show because Tom Welling (who plays Clark) and Michael Rosenbaum (who plays Lex Luthor) are both pretty good looking guys!! I am a sucker for light colored eyes which they both have! And Tom Welling has the most adorable smile! It may be a little crazy but I love that Michael Rosenbaum has no hair! I don't know why for sure but I think bald heads on some guys are really sexy! I mean on younger guys anyways! I am not checking out old bald men! But I have known some good looking bald guys my age and I am pretty sure he isn't "old" by any means... although its kinda like my celebrity crush on Devon Sawa I probably will never meet Tom Welling or Michael Rosenbaum.... but I can watch them on Smallville and enjoy the "eye candy"

It's kind of weird too, I find myself relating to the character of Chloe Sullivan. She is one of Clarks best friends, but secretly she loves him. Well I think he kind of knows she likes him, but she knows he doesn't have the same feelings and so they remain as friends. But its hard on her sometimes. Especially since he likes Lana. ANyways so she watches him and Lana struggle with their relationship! I kinda feel the same way about a friend of mine and even though I am sure it would never work out between this friend and myself I find it so hard to get over it! He will always hold a special place in my heart! I don't remeber the specifics but something happened at the end of an episode I watched recently where Chloe really got hurt by the situation and it made me cry thinking of all the similarities in my own case! Maybe that is partly why I like the show so much! I think somehow eventually Chloe and Clark will wind up together and it gives me hope... even though I am pretty sure there is no hope in my case....

So anyways also a few nights ago on one of the episodes one of the characters said something that I really liked. I was tempted to write it down but I didn't! But now since I have been watching so many episodes and stuff I don't know which one I would have to re-watch to find it again. But tonight in episode 20 of season 3, Clark's dad Jonathan Kent said something that I really liked. SO I did actually pause it and write it down. He told Clark " You can be the worlds greatest hero, or it's most mild mannered citizen, but the only person who can write your story is you" I thought that was a pretty cool thought! Even though we don't have any super powers like Clark does, I think we all have the power to be heroic. We also have the power to be a standard citizen and fall in the ranks of life along with everyone else, but we do have our free agency and we can make our own decisions and that gives us the opportunity to write our own story! We can be guided by the Holy Ghost and taught to walk the straight and narrow path, but all in all even then we are writing our own story! Anyways thats my little thought for tonight! Nerdy and lame as it may be! It's me! :)

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Magical Sayings

OK so when I went on the grunion run awhile back I made a comment that I think I tried to repeat in my blog about it and Iwas told I should write down some of my sayings.... Well I don't think I am that humerous or witty or whatever but since then I was at some friends house for their birthday party (it was a set of twins) and their mom was asking me about our Disney Musical Review we did last month (the same night as the grunion run) and if I was involved in it. I was telling her that I was one of the eels during Ursula's "Poor Unfortunate Souls" number, that I was singing off stage during the Newsies "Sieze the Day" number, and that during Mary Poppins "Spoonful of Sugar" I was "the magic behind the toybox" thats how I worded it. I told her I was the magic behind the toybox. We had 3 toyboxes set up on stage for that number with toys scattered onstage. THey were all attached to strings and druing the song when Mary and the kids would snap the toys would go into the toybox. ... SO I was the magic behind the toybox. Anyways they liked that statement so I have remembered it.....

Well than last week when I went fishing as I mentioned I was in a little nowhere-ville town called Denair. Its small and kinda hidden in the limelight of Turlock. Well while I was there I wanted to send some postcards to a few friends. I asked my cousin if there was somewhere I could go but a few postcards to send them out. He said probably nothing for Denair that i could probably find something for Turlock and most likely for teh UNiversity of Stanislaus (in Turlock) but nothing for Denair. Now just to give you a little more info about Denair....its really only like a 5-10 min drive to be in Turlock and get to the bigger places around.... but in the actuially city of Denair there is no major grocery store chains or otherwise, you have to go to Turlock for that. THere is a little mom and pop type place and stuff but nothing like Ralphs or Albertsons or etc. Well we decided that instead of going to buy postcards we would print my fishing pictures from my digital camera to send instead.... so we found a picture that I really liked and finally got it printed and I wrote on tehm like postcards, stamped them and needed to go to the postoffice. NOw I didn't know my way around too well even in a small town like Denair I had driven to my cousins house and that was about it. My cousin drove to the lake (which was the other direction anyway) and so I asked for directions to the post office so I could mail my cards. If it wasn't for my knee being messed up they said we could tkae a walk and go there.... but I needed to drive so they said that Cody could go with me. COdy is 10 years old and he was my little navigator. (He is my cousin's stepson) He was going to get me to the post office and back again. We were off. Now during the drive we got to an area where we needed to turn left, but due to traffic signs and stuff we couldn't. He said that normally he is on his bike and would do it anyway because "no one cares in Denair" I thought that was the funniest thing I had heard all day. I told him I cared and that I was goign to drive the right way and we went around and got where we needed to be. Well than we got back to the house and we were getting ready to make dinner (our fish) and my cousin remembered they didn't have any oil left fromt he last time. Deneen his wife had already picked up the otehr stuff we needed for dinner (extra salad and such) so I volunteered to go to the store and get the oil. So my little navigator Cody and I were off to the mom and pop shop! When we got to the parking lot I was like where do we park and he said "anywhere, because no one cares in Denair" he said it again!!! I thought it was so great that I have still remembered it but I may someday forget so I am blogging it for all the world to see!

Well now you know that I am the magic behind the toybox and that no one cares in Denair. But I must say I did follow all teh laws in Denair and Turlock and everywhere I went (except a little speeding on the drive to/from on the freeway) because even if in Cody's eyes no one cares in Denair, Im sure if their sherriff or someone saw me he would care!