Top 20... for now

Ok so recently Khay 100.7 (country station) was announcing a contest, last year they did this same contest and decided to do it again. It is a contest where they together with Dr Billy Helmuth of Ventura (he goes by Dr Billy) do a contest for a free lap-band procedure, plus one year of follow-up appointments (since that is an important part of the procedure). So at first I didn't think much of it. I had always kinda been weary of surgery. It feels like the "lazy" way out. I think a lot of people use it but don't change their habits and so in the long run it doesn't end up being beneficial. I've always wanted to be the person who loses weight "the right way" slowly and on my own. They said its the best way and that its the best way to be able to keep it off etc etc. I've done that a little in the past. I've lost some weight and done fairly well keeping it off and slowly working on losing more.

Then I messed up my knee. Right before i messed it up I had lost about 30 pounds. I was riding my bike between 3 and 5 nights a week after work. I would ride for a minimum of an hour or so. I would basically ride from one end of town to the other and home again. It averaged about 15 miles for the ride. I loved it. After my day at work I was outside getting the fresh air and it gave me a chance to relax and just think. Then it all went downhill. I've since gained that weight back and then some. I continue to have knee problems and not only do I miss my old job as an EMT which I can't do because of the knee pain but I especially miss my bike rides.

So recently I've been trying to watch my portion sizes again. I've been trying not to go back for seconds. I've been trying to buy "healthier" snacks and not junk food or fast food as often.  I have been trying to walk as much as I can since it's about all I seem to be able to manage with my knee (but even that is making it super sore now, there is no "working through the pain" either, it gets so sharp and feels like my knee is falling apart and I can barely walk) I know I need to do something and I figure every little change I can muster will make a difference. I'm doing what I can.

Well one night I guess a few weeks ago maybe a month... I honestly can't remember... I can remember the night but not when it was... it was 3 room changes ago... and with my last bed... so it's been awhile I suppose. I had gotten ready for bed and said my prayers and everything. I was in bed and ready to go to sleep. I was tired and I was getting in bed later than I had anticipated and I knew I had to get up early for work. But it hit me, I knew I needed help. I knew that I was struggling with my weight and I knew I wasn't happy. I got out of bed and with tears in my eyes I got online and signed up for the contest. I didn't think twice. I wrote my responses to the questions and hit send. After I was done I read the "terms and conditions" I know you're supposed to do that first but I didn't. I am kind of glad I didn't because it may have stopped me. It stated that the winner will be responsible for doing radio station advertising for the contest. Will be required to appear at so many events and Dr Billy seminars etc.... hmmm ok. I went to bed.

So after that I honestly didn't think again about the contest or about my entry. I think at the time I figured there are people who are worse off than I am. Who probably are in worse health than me and who need the procedure more than I do. Heck in my own family there is my Dad who would benefit more than me (if he is willing to change his habits so its long lasting. He is kinda one of those who would take it for granted and mess up afterwards anyway... as much as I hate to say that its true) So I figured they would have a lot of entries and someone else who deserves it will win the prize and be skinny before I will on my reduced portions and minimal exercises.

Than last week I got a phone call. I didn't recognize the number but it was local and I answered it. ... it was Alia from Dr Billy's office. She told me I was chosen as one of the top 20 for the lap band contest and was I still interested? YES! I am... wow I got chosen?? That's crazy! So she asked me if I was available to come in on Fri the 6th for an initial appointment. That after they have the initial appt with the top 20 they will narrow it down to the top 5. The top 5 will then have to go next week for 2 more appointments. One will be with their dietitian, and one will be a psych evaluation. She confirmed my email address and said she would email me some paperwork to fill out and bring on Fri. I got that email... its 20 pages of medical history, dieting history and other questions that are pertinent to the procedure I suppose.

So here I am getting ready to go in and potentially get a weight loss surgery! It seems so surreal! I honestly never thought I would be chosen! I really felt like I didn't deserve it or that others need it more than me. Before Alia called me I really had forgotten I even entered. I never really considered surgery before but I know it will help in so many ways. I know that it will make a huge difference in my life if I am chosen as the final winner! I know that I will do everything in my power to follow the program exactly as I am supposed to and to make the best of this opportunity! I asked Alia when she called me yesterday to see if I could change my appointment time to a little later on Fri how many entries they received and she said 88. So maybe its not as many as I thought they might get, but that is still quite a bit. That still means I got chosen in the top 20 over 68 others! Who I am sure all are just as willing to undergo this procedure. Who are just as much in need as me, maybe more. I don't really know but I am thankful none the less.

This last week I was starting to feel a little down. My knee has been extra sore and I was looking at myself in the mirror and I knew I needed to step it up a bit. I know I have been making changes but I knew I needed to work harder and stay strong. I was not doubting myself and I know that although I have moments of low self-esteem I am not depressed. I am not always hating myself, but I don't care for the way I look and I was kinda in one of my ruts. I was kind of feeling like I am ugly... and then I got the call! This really will change my life! Wish me luck! I don't even know what its like to be skinny! I cannot remember it from my childhood because even in elementary school I was chunky! I spent my Jr high and high school years without dating and feeling bad about it because I was heavy! That can all change very soon!

What an incredible blessing this will be in my life if I win! I never thought I would be chosen and now I really hope I win! I don't want to be selfish because I do know there are 87 others who felt like I did, that maybe this was there one good chance at a real change! I know that it will be hard to go to all the appointments and responsibilities that come with winning. It will be interesting being on the air with the DJ's and telling my story (if I win) but it will be so wonderful too! WOW! I guess for now that is all I can really say... just WOW!