Or something like that! It's only been 8 days so far but I am not sure I am enjoying 2009 yet. The first few days were good. I'm still out of work so I have just been at home, nothing too exciting or anything. I never really planned any resolutions, I already started trying to lose weight (and succeeding so far, a little more than 10 pounds but because of the knee it's all been diet changes only, no exercise) I wanted to start before the new year because I really need to lose weight (lots of it) and then I was losing during the holidays instead of gaining. It actually felt nice to weigh in after both Thanksgiving and Christmas and have the number on the scale be down. Plus most people forget about their new years stuff by like FEb or Mar and this way I am already forming the new habits (again...) and am not planning on giving up.... ever! But generally since I am always thinking about losing weight I don't normally tell people I am trying to do it when I am (except some close family and friends) so when asked about any goals for 09 I just have told people my goal is to get rid of the crutches and return to work. Which are also things that weigh heavily on my mind especially lately!
On that note I already kinda get to do one of those things, but only if I choose to and only briefly than I have to go back... I was at the doctor on Mon. He did a test called the KT test. I am not sure what the KT stand for but he told me it was to check the stability in my knee. It said there are not any magic numbers he was looking for but that what he would do was check the R (good) leg against my L (bad) leg. To see how it was. He didn't tell me any numbers he got for either leg, but he did tell me that there was a significant difference and so it shows that my L leg is definately unstable. He actually told me he is surprised that I don't have moments where it feels unstable or gives out on me or otherwise. When I went to that appointment I was expecting him to suggest another operation. I was thinking he was going to say that he would like to go in arthoscopically again and look around and check the MCL and everything else and then fix anything he could find wrong. Instead what he told me is kinda my only option (since I've already done the injections and stayed off it etc) is ACL reconstructive surgery. He had mentioned that last summer when I originally re-injured it that if there was another surgery it would likely be an ACL repair. But most of this time they have been treating the MCL and so thats why I was thinking the arthoscopy. Anyway he said that normally they won't go in for an ACL repair on a complaint of pain (which is my biggest issue) and that normally it is for the complaint of instability (which I have but am not complaining of) But he said he feels that there is a good chance that even though it isn't my complaint that if we fix the instability it may decrease the pain. He thinks it may be a deferred pain or something. He did say that there is a chance that fixing the ACL may not resolve my problems and I may still be in pain down the road. I told him I am willing to try because I really want to fix it and return to work. He said either way in the long run having it more stable will be beneficial. So it was set. He is ordering me a knee brace that I will wear after the surgery and was going to request insurance authorization. Once it is authorized and I have the brace I can set the surgery date.
So it goes.... I am going to have a second knee operation in a year. I am not fully excited about it I mean who would be glad to be having an operation. But I am hoping that it makes a difference. I know that the recovery is going to be long and hard. I was reading online and some sites I looked at said 4-6 months recovery some said 6-9 and one even said it could be up to a year. It says normally the rehab and exercises start the day after the operation to regain motion and stuff. So I have a long road ahead of me.... This got me thinking a lot. Tues morning in the shower I thought.... I am going to need help to shower again.... I was thinking how difficult it was for me to get up and go to the bathroom during the night after my last knee surgery (which I seemed to have to do more often than normal for some reason) and this one is a lot more involved. I am really going to have to humble myself and be willing to accept some help. I may even have to carpool to church and stuff because with the last surgery I had trouble getting into the drivers side of my car so I may not be able to this time as soon as before. It is really going to change some things for me. So even though I have been through several surgeries before (tubes in my ears when I was 6, wrist surgery 4x, wisdom teeth extraction and 1 previous knee operation) and I remember all of them, I am suddenly feeling a lot more scared about this one than any of the others. Which is abnormal for me! I have always been nervous about my operations ( I remember all of them) but this is the first time I have felt worried about it. Last night, not only did I go to bed early but I cried myself to sleep....So it's a little intimidating for me! Although as I was saying my goal is to get rid of the crutches and return to work.... my doctor told me I can switch from the crutches to a cane until I have the surgery if I want. But then I know I will have them back after the operation unfortunately! So if I can find one I like I may do that... but if I do I am thinking I also want to make a fabric cover for it so it isn't like an old person cane. I want it to be cool. So people know I am not an old lady :) So the past 3 days have been a little hard for me... freaking out and stuff! But since I am the one who helps around the house the most I have been trying extra hard to do what I can now. SInce I know after the surgery I will just add to my mom's burden. I feel bad for her and all she does and I know that adding me to the problems won't be easy and I won't be able to help as much (if at all) after the surgery so I want to help more now! I mostly just don't want to be another burden to my mom!
But I recently started to re-read the Harry Potter books. I had wanted to back in like AUg-Sep I was thinking about it because I knew the newest movie was supposed to come out around Nov. But then they decided to delay the release date until the summer to get more people to the theater to watch it. (it's all about money to some folks) anyways I hadn't started my reading them again yet. But then on the way to Ut with R after thanksgiving we were reading the first one in the car together. (We took turns reading while the other drove) and so we together got a good start on them. After I came home I got mine out and finished it. Well then she went on to number 2 and I kept delaying still. But then because she told me she got to number 3 I knew I had to catch up. So then when I got around to reading number 2 she told me she is in number 4. So in the past few days I have read number 2 and 3. And later I plan to start 4. It's kinda fun that it's sorta an unmentioned competition (well we've sorta texted about it) Anyways because I have been reading so much again my family is questioning my motives for reading them again. Because apparantly just liking to read and then re-read books is not ok?? I can't afford to go buy new books constantly like I usually do and when I like a book I read fast so I would constantly be at the library if I was borrowing them! Anyways I need to figure out what I would like to read post-op because aside from movies and TV I will be bedridden and need something to do while I am down! SO if you have any good book suggestions let me know! Maybe I will re-read the Lord of the Rings, those took me about 3 weeks before so that would be a good one! If I can remember where I put them of course!
Well thats about it for my not so happy (YET) new year! Hope all of yours are better!