Scared.....

OK so I've been out of work since June 19th because of having re-injured my knee. I am supposed to go back around Sept 8th.... but I am beginnning to doubt whether or not that will happen! I have been still geting sore and these past few days it seems to be increasing again! Its so frustrating and is really starting to scare me! At my last doctors appointment he basically told me that I don't have many choices that because there had been a previous injury to my acl that even though it's attached it is basically unstable and so increased activity can easily aggravate it. He told me that one of the only ways to fix that is by surgery. He said that its an option they don't usually like to consider unless absolutely neccessary because the surgery would be a complete acl repair and that the operation would be more involved than my previous one, and that it would require a more difficult and longer recovery time.... he said that because I had already tried a cortisone type injection without any major improvement that I could try some newer gel like injection that would be a series of 3 injections a week apart from each other. He asked what I wanted to do and I said I just wanted to be able to go back to work.... we decided on trying the injections.... well its been several weeks and I havent even had my first one yet because they havent recieved the medication yet from the insurance company. When I called on Mon the doctors office called the pharmacy agency that was supposed to be shipping the medication and they had no record of me as a patient in their system and so that was why they hadn't shipped the meds..... SO my dr's office gave them my info and I figured I would've heard form the doctors later in the week to schedule my first injection. Instead on Fri I recieved a phone call from the pharmacy company to verify my birthdate and so forth!! Why it took them 5 days to call and verify is beyond my imagination! Then the guys tells me after confirming my info that he has to call the dr's office before he can ship it to them!!!!! Can I say UGH?? So I asked him how long before my dr should have the meds and he said no later than Tues. Which I guess since I am out of work and all that should eb fine and dandy... except I planned to go up north and visit family this week and on Tues night I am going fishing! So I am really hoping they have the meds by Mon afternoon so that either late Mon or first thign Tues I can go get my first injection! I need to leave no later than lunchtime on Tues to go up north and wasn't planning on returning till Thurs or Fri.... but I have waited this long so I don't want to have to postpone the injection any longer than I have to! So I am hoping I can get it before going fishing! But considering my continued increased pain again I have a feeling they are going to be pretty ineffective like the cortisone! I don't really want another surgery but I have a feeling thats the road I am about to travel!~ At first I was telling my mom the other day that maybe if it came down to needing another surgery, that I could go back to work and then wait until the beginning of next year and start all over with disability and such... but I know I cannot work with it being the way it is especially if its anything like it was earlier! Its way too risky! It wouldnt be smart for me or for my partner or my patients! Plus if I do it before the end of this year I wont have to pay my $1500 insurance deductible again and since I am already out of work I can get it fixed and go back hopefully healthy as a beaver....
So I am a little scared... that I may need another operation, that I may have injured my knee way too much and it wont ever get better! That even if it does get better that in the long run I won't be able to return to working as an EMT! I love my job so much and am starting to consider other posibilities! I hate that I have to but I am starting to feel as if I have no choice! It's a scary road I am on but I know that I need to travel it with faith and with patience and that I will be guided along the way!