Monday, July 21, 2008


Main Entry: com·mu·ni·ca·tion
Pronunciation: \kə-ˌmyü-nə-ˈkā-shən\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1: an act or instance of transmitting
2 a: information communicated b: a verbal or written message
3 a: a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior ; also : exchange of information b: personal rapport
4plural a: a system (as of telephones) for communicating b: a system of routes for moving troops, supplies, and vehicles c: personnel engaged in communicating
5plural but sing or plural in constr a: a technique for expressing ideas effectively (as in speech) b: the technology of the transmission of information (as by print or telecommunication)
— com·mu·ni·ca·tion·al \-shnəl, -shə-nəl\ adjective

So I think the definition is fairly simple. I also think that many people communicate fairly well. I find most people talk, and generally its even frequent but I wonder how so many times even amongst talkers there is rarely any real communication. This morning I asked my sister if she would clean the bathroom today and she questioned me "why?". Generally since she usues the bathroom regularly like everyone else I didnt think such a quesiton was necessary, but I answered with more than one reason why. That was an interesting conversation but it turned out to be good communication in the end because the bathroom did get cleaned and I wasnt the one who did it so that was nice. Her boyfriend did the work.
There is a lot going on within my family right now. My dad was hospitalized over the weekend and his cardiologist is saying she does not want him released from the hospital until he has his heart surgery that he has been needing for awhile. But I don't know if that information has been passed on to the cardio-thoracic surgeon yet. We still need to see if he is willing to perform the operation yet or not, and to see if we can even get it scheduled. But since it was the weekend that may be the cause for lack of communication. But in the meanwhile other resident doctors are telling my Dad he may be released soon.... where is the communication between his cardiologist and them???

So continuing my thoughts, my Moms car has a water leak. Not good since that causes cars to overheat. Aside from just the leak my Dad had begun to take it apart to get to the leaking hose, but had not finished so even if the leak was minimal the car is still in-operational. So she has been having to borrow a car to go to the hospital to see my dad (its been 3 days since he was admitted) and since the hospital is about 35-40 miles away (he goes to the veterans hospital)the first day she borrowed my sisters car to take him in. Since than she has been taking mine. So I figured that tomorrow wouldn't be too different and she would probably do so again, but then also my other sister returns to work tomorrow, and my mom is her daycare provider. So I also figured I would be babysitting. I love my family (and I have the most adorable nephews) so I am pretty willing to make both sacrifices, but I was never asked about the car or the babysitting. So I asked my mom tonight whether she was planning on going to the hospital tomorrow or not? She said she didn't know if she would have a car because she didn't know if I had plans to know if she could borrow my car again.... and she brought up the childcare issue as well. So I told her I had already figured she would need to borrow my car again and that I would be left watching my nephews. But it surprised me how she was wanting to go because she wants to talk to (or rather- "communicate") with the doctors herself because my Dad doesn't always remember what they said or who he talked to etc. but even though she wants to go and knew there was childcare needed she did not take the time to ask! It's a little frustrating to me sometimes. How will we learn an answer to a question if we don't ask?

SO then after I mentioned I had already figured I would be baysitting and be loaning my car again I mentioned that I may take the boys swimming so my mom automatically starts talking to me as if I am not capable of watching kids in a pool. She began to tell me how my nephew Isaiah (3 months old) doesnt like the water and how ELijah (23 months old) loves it and how they both need sunscreen and how it only takes the time of a breath before either one could choke and drown. I reminded her that I am aware of this all and I wasnt planning on taking them and putting either on in the water and ignoring them from then on out. I was also saying how a few wees ago at my uncles house my nephew wouldnt go past the first step into the water of the pool (maybe because it was cold, I don't really know) So she tells me a story about my cousin walking around the pool when he was little and how he wasnt doing anything but walking suddenly fell in the deep end and how even though she is not a swimmer she dove in the shallow end and came up with him in the deep end. I told her again that IF we go swimming I am not going to ignore my nephews. That I am well aware of the dangers and reminede her that I am an EMT and she looked at me as if I meant that this means they are safe if they drown. I told her that I wasnt saying it as if I was braggin they are safe but to show that I am aware of the dangers and I think because of my job experience that I am sometimes more cautious and aware than most people and pay a lot more attention. So anyways that proved to be a frustrating communication!

Anyways if you have read this far I appreciate it! I don't know if to you it seems like calid communication but as I was lying in bed it all made me a little frustrated. I just hate that my family qeustions my motives, my capability and my sincerity. That they expect or want things from me but then don't make those things clear to me. I know that I am not the only one with this problem and I know that this isnt the only time it has happened or the last time it will happen. But it has opened my eyes a bit to the things that we are sometimes oblivious to. I think that even I have been afraid to ask questions of people in the past but I generally make sure to do so if it is an important matter. I tend to think that its better to ask early when it comes to things like borrowing cars and childcare than to just assume it wont happen or to wait until the last minute and decide or ask than. I think a lot of things could have been dealt with much more smoothly if my family (and myself) had better commmunication skills. I am sure its like this in most families and most of the time our communcation is in fighting and I hate that. I have tried to be better about it. I have tried to walk away instead of argueing or yelling at my siblings when things get tense or heated. But I wish others would do the same. I wish that we would all talk more and argue less. I think its interesting too how my family is so different "behind the scenes" than when others are around. Its interesting the show that my family portrays sometimes of all bliss and joy (like the brady bunch) but we are all struggling and behind the scenes there is the real drama! The reality TV! I want to be the positive influence in my family and try to change that! I know it isnt going to be easy but somehow I know we can be better talkers and communicators and it can be done without the tension and fighting.

In writing this blog I realized I think often its the same way with our Heavenly Father. He knows what we want or need but he is waiting to be asked. I was waiting all night for my mom to ask about my car and about watching my nephews but she didnt. SHe instead of asking if I had plans and if that could happen, just figured she would have to stay home and not go. It was the same way the other day, she needed a car but didnt ask. I don't know why things have to be so complicated, I asked her if she was taking my car or my sisters and she was like "I don't know, I just need a car but dont want to leave you or your sister without transportation" .... this was AFTER I had already told her I had a friend who told me she would take me to run my errands and could drive because we were already planning on hanging out and would be in one car together anyway... so I think that more often than not Heavenly Father is waiting and waiting for us to ask and instead we beat around the bush and make things more complicated. We try and wait for another solution to come around when the most obvious one is a prayer away! Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be happy. He wants us to have the things we need and desire and I hope that we can keep the lines of communication free and clear with him. I hope that we are often talking with him and in tune with the Spirt to receive his responses! I also hope that we are communicating with our family and friends. Telling them the things they need to know, and asking the questions we need to ask! I hope we never assume or make judgements. In the long run it just leads to heartache and confusion! Its easier to ask and talk.... my new motto is going to be "Why wait? Communicate!"


  1. That's a really good motto. I think every family/relationship deals with those same issues. It's takes work, but it can improve.

    When I was little I would get frustrated because of something my mom hadn't mentioned to me. When I asked, "Why didn't you tell me?" she would say, "You never asked."

    I really hated it at the time, but now I'm grateful she always said that so much. It's absolutely true: if you don't ask, you don't receive. And sometimes you don't receive when you do ask, but if you don't ask at all, there's not even a chance (in most cases).

  2. Betty, I say the same thing to my sister now. She sometimes feels out of the loop, "Why didn't so and so tell me about her new job?" I point out that you kind of have to call the person to find out the news. People just don't start a calling tree.

    Perhaps the weekend is the most difficult time of the week to communicate. I mean, maybe it's the time when communication gets more easily lost. I know that when my mom was placed in a rest home / recovery center that turned out to be particularly horrible, we couldn't get her freed from it, until after the weekend. Someone had to okay something and whatnot.

    I'm thinking that maybe I don't communicate so well with family / friends on the weekends. I think maybe I just have a mental list of things I want to do, and everything else feels like an interruption. (Selfish, I know.)

    Elegyrl, hang in there. Sometimes life just gets crazy busy and crazy impossible.

    I hope that you have some bright spots that will cheer your week.


  3. Yeah, well, you haven't really hanged out with me and my family. And my family also has times where there are arguements. All families have their problems. So, I understand what you mean. And yes, it does make sense that Heavenly Father does wait until we ask specifically and then he will answer our prayers. But we must remember to ask much like we must remember to ask family, friends and leaders so we can receive better answers.