Crying

I had a really good day at church! They pretty much all are, than tonight after hanging out at my sister's house for a little while (I really just didn't want to be at home an I had something for her so I went there with Elijah) I got online. Last week I had filled out an online application for the CHP for a dispatcher position but when I filled it out and printed it I didn't find where to send it to or turn it in. So I had decided this week I needed to make that happen! I got online back to their website and first I updated it a little. I made it sound a little better (I hope) and looked around on the site until I found more info. I found out they are accepting applications and will be testing later this month or in July, they are even looking for people for the Ventura center which is perfect because that is where I want to work.... than after doing all that and printing a newer nicer application I found and printed the other information. As I was reading it I noticed it said the final filing date was June 4th. It stated all applications must be received or postmarked by June 4th..... today is the 7th!!!!! UGH!!! At the end of last year when I was first contemplating going into dispatch I had a similar experience. I had gotten an application for Simi PD they were accepting applications on a continual basis. With it there was a requirement to get a typing certificate, but there were certain days and times when you could test. You also needed an appointment. I made an appointment and then ended up going out of town unexpectedly so I had to reschedule. When I rescheduled I had to wait until the next week because they were booked and didn't have any openings. I got my certificate and when I went to turn in the application I found out about a week or two before the city went on a hiring freeze and were no longer accepting applications!!! If on;y I hadn't gone! It's really really frustrating! It's kinda dircouraging but I know at the same time that I had some problems when i first took my EMT class with getting my certification (not with testing but with the actual card) and it was starting to discourage me and I ended up not trying to get a job until 2 years later after having to re-cert... so although I don't want to wait 2 years to do dispatch I know I need to not let this get me down! It may just be a hurdle and although I cannot jump to get over it, I am sure if I try and i can find a way around it!

I really miss being on the ambulance and have been praying about whether or not to try dispatch for awhile before going back as an EMT. Plus with my knee not being fully healed it will still be some time anyway. There are a lot of pros/cons to both. But I had felt last week that I had gotten a confirmation in the positive to try this out. I was actually getting pretty excited about it too! But now I am starting to get discouraged! I really don't know what to think say or do. My mom told me to mail the app anyway and see what happens. So I am going to do that but it's 4 days late so they may not even accept it! Simi PD is still not looking for dispatchers according to their website, neither is Ventura County Sheriff, Ventura PD, I don't qualify for everything that Oxnard PD wants, LA PD isn't looking and neither is LA or Ventura county fire depts. CHP might have been my only hope right now and I think I blew it.... UGH....

The other thing on my mind is I have been out of work since June 19th! So guess what?...on June 19th I lose my disability benefits!!! I will no longer have any income, which means I won't be able to make my car payments, pay my cell phone bill, have gas in my car, or be able to make my debt management payment either!!! I was told because I lost my job due to being on disability I can apply and get unemployment now, but for the past 2 weeks every time I have attempted to call them to see if it's true and if I apply normally or it is connected directly to my disability I haven't been able to speak to a representative due to the "number of callers already on hold"!!! Tonight I emailed them so I can hopefully get a response, but generally with unemployment you are supposed to be in good health and actively looking for work, but as of right now with my knee I am not even released back to work anyway so I technically can't . I figured I could maybe get away with a dispatch desk job. Plus I knew with the hiring process and testing and background checks I could be released to work by the time I would be starting anyway... so I don't know what is going to happen to me!

Than I went onto facebook. I came across some of my old coworkers! I added them as friends and got to talk to a couple tonight! It makes me miss work even more. SO I was crying while chatting with them on facebook (only because it's the internet they don't know I was crying) and even though I was hearing about the changes and people who have left or are leaving etc it still makes me miss it! I loved my job! I want to go back!! I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, and I know it will all be ok! I just wish it wasn't so darn hard in the meanwhile!! Well I have to watch my nephews tomorrow and it's almost 2:30 am so I should probably get some sleep! Keep me in your prayers I am going to need a miracle I think!