I haven't shared much about my experience with work from the Borderline shooting and fires. Please be patient with me as I do so now. A month ago after the shooting, I took a call at work from an un-informed civilian. It was a negative call, filled with hurtful & untrue statements. The kind of call that stirred a lot of emotions and made it hard to remain professional. It was unnecessary and hard to take.
Yesterday, after learning the news that would be released in today's press conference, I was saddened. I am sad for my coworker and friend, I am sad for everyone involved and I also became very worried. I feared more negative calls, I didn't know what to anticipate as the news was shared today. I did some crying, and a lot of praying between yesterday afternoon and this morning. I cried as I watched the press conference and heard them share it with the media and general public.
I waited, I was still working and I also got online and saw comments, I knew I shouldn't look, but I did. I saw some filled with kind words of love and support for sergeant Helus' family, the VCSD and for my officer. I also saw some of the negativity and comments that come from ignorance and misunderstandings. I wasn't sure what to expect still. Meanwhile our office phones stayed quiet regarding the incident, and news. Then I got a call...
I got a call from a gentleman, who said he felt he really needed to call, he wanted my office and CHP family to know that we are loved and supported. He wanted us to know that we don't always get the credit we deserve, that the officers don't always get the recognition they deserve for their daily actions. He wanted my office to know he and his family are praying for us, as well as the VCSD and their families. He wanted to say thank you to my officer for his heroic efforts, he said he hoped my office and CHP family are rallying around the officer involved. That he supports us and him. He sent well wishes and blessings for the holidays. He said so many kind things and it was so elegantly spoken I wish our calls were recorded. It was incredibly uplifting and after thanking him for the call and all his kind words I got off the phone in tears.
I am thankful for that call. I am thankful everyday for the blessings in my life and i am thankful for the things I have learned and for my CHP family. I love my job and people I work with. I have known the officer involved for almost my entire CHP career. I am glad he is okay and so proud of him for his actions that night. I am sorry for the lives that were lost, and for those who were there and had to be subjected to such tragic circumstances, but I am thankful for the everyday heroes like my officer and Sergeant Helus who are so often overlooked, who run in when others run out. I am thankful to my family and friends who have stood by me and helped me overcome some of the emotions I have faced with all the events and how it had affected me at work and personally. You know who you are. I am thankful to those of you who read this far and I want you to know I appreciate you and your friendship.
Let us all take the time not just because it is Christmas, but everyday. To look for those in need, to serve others and to show love. When we see a tragic event or news article can we please take a moment to consider the full situation before making negative comments, please consider those involved or those who know the ones involved and how our words or actions will be taken.
Merry Christmas everyone!
Friday, December 7, 2018
Monday, October 1, 2018
Birthday poem
TODAY’S YOUR BIRTHDAY
IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU
BUT YOU’RE SO FAR AWAY
SO I’M SENDING AN IOU
I PLAN TO TREAT YOU
SHOW YOU THAT I CARE
IT’S SOMETHING I WANT TO DO
FOR YOU ONCE YOU’RE NEAR
FOR NOW AS A START
I WROTE THIS POEM JUST FOR YOU
SOME WORDS FROM THE HEART
THE LEAST I COULD DO
I LOVE OUR CONVERSATION
THAT I CAN BE MYSELF
NOT WANTING IT TO END
WON’T PUT MY LOVE UPON A SHELF
I HOPE TO TAKE THIS FURTHER
SEE WHERE THIS MAY LEAD
WANTING TO GROW OLD TOGETHER
AND RAISE A FAMILY
YOU’VE BECOME SPECIAL TO ME
PUTTING A SMILE UPON MY FACE
I’M EXCITED TO SEE
WHERE IN LIFE WE FIND OUR PLACE
I NEVER DREAMT IT COULD BE THIS GOOD
I’D FIND SOMEONE LIKE YOU
A GENUINE SOMEONE WHO WOULD
INSPIRE ME THE WAY YOU DO
LEARNING ABOUT YOUR PAST
AND ALL THAT YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH
OUR CONNECTION HAPPENED SO FAST
I LOVE THE MAN I SEE IN YOU
SHARING IN A LOVE OF GOD
READING, STUDYING, PRAYING TOO
PLANTING OUR FEET ON GOSPEL SOD
I CAN’T WAIT TO GO TO CHURCH WITH YOU
THIS POEM IS ALL WRONG
IMPERFECT JUST LIKE ME
IT WOULDN’T MAKE A PERFECT SONG
BUT I’M LOOKING FOR ETERNITY
I DON’T KNOW WHERE WE’RE GOING
I HOPE THAT YOU CAN SEE
THERE IS NO WAY OF KNOWING
HOW GREAT WE TWO CAN BE
I HOPE YOU WILL GIVE ME CHANCE
TO SHOW YOU THAT I’M ALL IN
THIS COULD BE THE ONE ROMANCE
EVERYONE WANTS TO “WIN”
TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY
I HOPE IT’S WONDERFUL AS YOU
I WANT YOU TO KNOW I AM HERE TO STAY
I HOPE YOU’LL LET ME SHOW YOU
Happy birthday, C! 😚🎂🎁🎈
IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU
BUT YOU’RE SO FAR AWAY
SO I’M SENDING AN IOU
I PLAN TO TREAT YOU
SHOW YOU THAT I CARE
IT’S SOMETHING I WANT TO DO
FOR YOU ONCE YOU’RE NEAR
FOR NOW AS A START
I WROTE THIS POEM JUST FOR YOU
SOME WORDS FROM THE HEART
THE LEAST I COULD DO
I LOVE OUR CONVERSATION
THAT I CAN BE MYSELF
NOT WANTING IT TO END
WON’T PUT MY LOVE UPON A SHELF
I HOPE TO TAKE THIS FURTHER
SEE WHERE THIS MAY LEAD
WANTING TO GROW OLD TOGETHER
AND RAISE A FAMILY
YOU’VE BECOME SPECIAL TO ME
PUTTING A SMILE UPON MY FACE
I’M EXCITED TO SEE
WHERE IN LIFE WE FIND OUR PLACE
I NEVER DREAMT IT COULD BE THIS GOOD
I’D FIND SOMEONE LIKE YOU
A GENUINE SOMEONE WHO WOULD
INSPIRE ME THE WAY YOU DO
LEARNING ABOUT YOUR PAST
AND ALL THAT YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH
OUR CONNECTION HAPPENED SO FAST
I LOVE THE MAN I SEE IN YOU
SHARING IN A LOVE OF GOD
READING, STUDYING, PRAYING TOO
PLANTING OUR FEET ON GOSPEL SOD
I CAN’T WAIT TO GO TO CHURCH WITH YOU
THIS POEM IS ALL WRONG
IMPERFECT JUST LIKE ME
IT WOULDN’T MAKE A PERFECT SONG
BUT I’M LOOKING FOR ETERNITY
I DON’T KNOW WHERE WE’RE GOING
I HOPE THAT YOU CAN SEE
THERE IS NO WAY OF KNOWING
HOW GREAT WE TWO CAN BE
I HOPE YOU WILL GIVE ME CHANCE
TO SHOW YOU THAT I’M ALL IN
THIS COULD BE THE ONE ROMANCE
EVERYONE WANTS TO “WIN”
TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY
I HOPE IT’S WONDERFUL AS YOU
I WANT YOU TO KNOW I AM HERE TO STAY
I HOPE YOU’LL LET ME SHOW YOU
Happy birthday, C! 😚🎂🎁🎈
Wednesday, April 11, 2018
Waiting
Sitting Here i wait
With full uncertainty
Here i wonder and debate
Will i hear from thee
I'm not sure how i feel
It all came on so quick
Could this be truly be real
Or some sort of heart trick
It's been so different
From things I've felt before
If everything said was meant
Then how could i ignore
I cried when you said
You had to go away
A moment of dread
I didn't know what to say
My heart can't take it
I don't know how to feel
Hoping you won't break it
My feelings are so real
I want to meet you
To hold you in my arms
Can it all be true
I was won by your charms
Curious to know if you're okay
Waiting to hear how you are
I have so much to say
Hating that you're so far
You've made me feel unique
Like i'm the only special one
Giving me a peek
Of a life of love and fun
You shared your dreams with me
I want to know more of you
I dream that this could be
My wish for love come true
Sitting Here i wait
With full uncertainty
Here i wonder and debate
Will i hear from thee
4/3/18
With full uncertainty
Here i wonder and debate
Will i hear from thee
I'm not sure how i feel
It all came on so quick
Could this be truly be real
Or some sort of heart trick
It's been so different
From things I've felt before
If everything said was meant
Then how could i ignore
I cried when you said
You had to go away
A moment of dread
I didn't know what to say
My heart can't take it
I don't know how to feel
Hoping you won't break it
My feelings are so real
I want to meet you
To hold you in my arms
Can it all be true
I was won by your charms
Curious to know if you're okay
Waiting to hear how you are
I have so much to say
Hating that you're so far
You've made me feel unique
Like i'm the only special one
Giving me a peek
Of a life of love and fun
You shared your dreams with me
I want to know more of you
I dream that this could be
My wish for love come true
Sitting Here i wait
With full uncertainty
Here i wonder and debate
Will i hear from thee
4/3/18
Thursday, March 8, 2018
2017 Christmas Poem
2017 HAS BEEN A GREAT YEAR
FILLED WITH LOVE, LAUGHTER AND AN OCCASIONAL TEAR
PLENTY OF VISITS WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS
MAKING MEMORIES THAT WILL NEVER END
A SUMMER ROAD TRIP IN A RENTAL CAR
SEEING NEW SIGHTS NEAR AND FAR
TRAVELLED TO SEVENTEEN STATES
OVER 4000 MILES, IT WAS GREAT
THIRTY TRIPS TO DISNEYLAND
LIFE IS MY OWN ADVENTURELAND
I HAVE A NEW NIECE AND NEPHEW TOO
ADD TO MY LOVE TO THE PREVIOUS TWO
CHURCH, AND WORK AND PLENTY OF FUN
ALWAYS DOING SOMETHING, OR ON THE RUN
MADE TIME TO READ SEVENTY BOOKS (*76 by the time year had ended)
ONCE I START, I JUST GET HOOKED
WENT TO UNIVERSAL STUDIOS AND THE LAKE
HOW MANY SELFIES CAN ONE PERSON TAKE
A BRIDESMAID THREE TIMES SINCE 2004
BUT NEVER A PINK FAIRY ONE BEFORE
WHO KNOWS WHAT 2018 WILL BRING
HOPEFULLY I'LL FIND JOY IN EVERYTHING
DO SERVICE FOR OTHERS AND FIND SOME CHEER
MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND HAPPY NEW YEAR
12/2017
FILLED WITH LOVE, LAUGHTER AND AN OCCASIONAL TEAR
PLENTY OF VISITS WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS
MAKING MEMORIES THAT WILL NEVER END
A SUMMER ROAD TRIP IN A RENTAL CAR
SEEING NEW SIGHTS NEAR AND FAR
TRAVELLED TO SEVENTEEN STATES
OVER 4000 MILES, IT WAS GREAT
THIRTY TRIPS TO DISNEYLAND
LIFE IS MY OWN ADVENTURELAND
I HAVE A NEW NIECE AND NEPHEW TOO
ADD TO MY LOVE TO THE PREVIOUS TWO
CHURCH, AND WORK AND PLENTY OF FUN
ALWAYS DOING SOMETHING, OR ON THE RUN
MADE TIME TO READ SEVENTY BOOKS (*76 by the time year had ended)
ONCE I START, I JUST GET HOOKED
WENT TO UNIVERSAL STUDIOS AND THE LAKE
HOW MANY SELFIES CAN ONE PERSON TAKE
A BRIDESMAID THREE TIMES SINCE 2004
BUT NEVER A PINK FAIRY ONE BEFORE
WHO KNOWS WHAT 2018 WILL BRING
HOPEFULLY I'LL FIND JOY IN EVERYTHING
DO SERVICE FOR OTHERS AND FIND SOME CHEER
MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND HAPPY NEW YEAR
12/2017
Silence
Your silence speaks loudly
Many words to my ears
Your silence says things
I don't want to hear
I thought you were different
You even claimed to be
I thought you a friend
Then you abandoned me
I don't know what happened
Why did you change
It used to feel natural
Now you've taken away the sun
I'll keep moving forward
My life will keep going
I'll keep my perspective
No time to stop rowing
I'll remember the times
You made me feel loved
I'll remember many moments
Like an angel from above
You showed me who I am
& to be proud of me
You showed me my strength
& who I could be
Thank you for everything
The friendship once shown
Thank you for caring
Because now I have grown
You've made it too easy
To move forward now
You've made my decision
Can't look back anyhow
Remember in silence
Are words loud and clear
Remember the tears
In time will soon disappear
I've made my decision
On moving forward too
I've made my choice
To be silent to you
2/8/2017
Short or unfinished poetry
When you smile
it lights the room
When you laugh
it erases all my gloom
When you talk
it fills my soul with glee
When you smile, laugh and talk
right to me
11/2/16
We make choices all day long
Choose to be weak
Or choose to be strong
3/28/17
Forgotten:
Sometimes I feel forgotten
Like I've been left behind
Am I really forgotten
Or is it just in my mind
It used to feel so simple
Things came so easily
When did it all crumble
And become my history?
9/24/17
I feel you looking down
What do you see
When you're looking down
Are you proud of me
I'm not sure where I'm going
Or who I'm meant to be
But I'm moving forward
I miss you Daddy
2/1/18
it lights the room
When you laugh
it erases all my gloom
When you talk
it fills my soul with glee
When you smile, laugh and talk
right to me
11/2/16
We make choices all day long
Choose to be weak
Or choose to be strong
3/28/17
Forgotten:
Sometimes I feel forgotten
Like I've been left behind
Am I really forgotten
Or is it just in my mind
It used to feel so simple
Things came so easily
When did it all crumble
And become my history?
9/24/17
I feel you looking down
What do you see
When you're looking down
Are you proud of me
I'm not sure where I'm going
Or who I'm meant to be
But I'm moving forward
I miss you Daddy
2/1/18
Forever and a day
The title says it all!! That's how long it has been since I have been on here and written anything! There have probably been like a million times that I have thought to write about life and such. I have also written some more poetry since I have been gone too... so I need to add those ... but first a little life update I guess....
In the past two years, a few friendships have come and gone. Life continues to be full of ups and downs. there have been many a trip to Disneyland, and many more funerals unfortunately. It is interesting how life continues on and with each new day and as I grow older and older, the funerals are becoming a little more consistant. It is hard to see how much my life has changed. It has also taught me to grow. It has helped me to know that I want to be the best I can be and I want to make sure that those around me know that they are loved. That they know that I am here and always will be if they need a friend. Life is full of curveballs, but if we are ready we can be prepared for it.
So in other news, my sister Denise and bro-in-law Neal moved to S. Carolina :( it is and has been hard, but it was also a blessing for them and for our family in one way... they were able to do more fertility stuff and now have the cutest set of twins ever! I love my niece Hazel and nephew Hudson so much! They are 5 months old already and are getting so big! I saw them when they were just a couple weeks old, and again about a month or so later at Thanksgiving! I miss them!
Other than that, I cannot think of too many new things to share. I am still renting where I moved 5 years ago (this month) after an unfortunate roommate situation with a former friend. It is fabulous here! I am not judged, I can come and go as I please. I don't feel I have to hide or anything else. I can make my own meals and my situation is way happier. It is nice too because I am not too far from my mom and family so I can see them frequently if I want or need to. Lately I haven't had the time! I am still working at CHP, 6 years this month, and it has been 2 years this month since I transferred to the Moorpark office. It is nice there, way better commute, and I have a free gym in the building which I attend daily after work. It is a nice bonus. In the meantime though I have tested and am in Rank 1 for an Office Supervisor position. Just looking for a spot to open up. I did apply and interview for one, but wasn't chosen. There have been a few other openings recently but even though I am considering relocating and moving if necessary, they were not in offices I was willing to move to, mostly because of the areas being too pricey to live. I know that Heavenly Father has something perfect in mind for me though, so I am trying to be patient.
Well I think that is about it for an update. Like I said, I am sure there are a bunch of things that have happened, that I should share about, but overall not too much has changed. Life is good. After this post, I am going to share a couple others of poetry I have written but not posted yet. Good night
In the past two years, a few friendships have come and gone. Life continues to be full of ups and downs. there have been many a trip to Disneyland, and many more funerals unfortunately. It is interesting how life continues on and with each new day and as I grow older and older, the funerals are becoming a little more consistant. It is hard to see how much my life has changed. It has also taught me to grow. It has helped me to know that I want to be the best I can be and I want to make sure that those around me know that they are loved. That they know that I am here and always will be if they need a friend. Life is full of curveballs, but if we are ready we can be prepared for it.
So in other news, my sister Denise and bro-in-law Neal moved to S. Carolina :( it is and has been hard, but it was also a blessing for them and for our family in one way... they were able to do more fertility stuff and now have the cutest set of twins ever! I love my niece Hazel and nephew Hudson so much! They are 5 months old already and are getting so big! I saw them when they were just a couple weeks old, and again about a month or so later at Thanksgiving! I miss them!
Other than that, I cannot think of too many new things to share. I am still renting where I moved 5 years ago (this month) after an unfortunate roommate situation with a former friend. It is fabulous here! I am not judged, I can come and go as I please. I don't feel I have to hide or anything else. I can make my own meals and my situation is way happier. It is nice too because I am not too far from my mom and family so I can see them frequently if I want or need to. Lately I haven't had the time! I am still working at CHP, 6 years this month, and it has been 2 years this month since I transferred to the Moorpark office. It is nice there, way better commute, and I have a free gym in the building which I attend daily after work. It is a nice bonus. In the meantime though I have tested and am in Rank 1 for an Office Supervisor position. Just looking for a spot to open up. I did apply and interview for one, but wasn't chosen. There have been a few other openings recently but even though I am considering relocating and moving if necessary, they were not in offices I was willing to move to, mostly because of the areas being too pricey to live. I know that Heavenly Father has something perfect in mind for me though, so I am trying to be patient.
Well I think that is about it for an update. Like I said, I am sure there are a bunch of things that have happened, that I should share about, but overall not too much has changed. Life is good. After this post, I am going to share a couple others of poetry I have written but not posted yet. Good night
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