LIFE

LIFE

I never imagined I’d have all this doubt

Who said that this is what life is all about?

Many people are living their wildest dreams,

Some days, I just want to scream

I really feel I’m doing by best

But I have to wonder, will I pass “the test”

I give it my all

Winter, summer, spring and fall

When all is said and done

Will I be here, or want to run?

Sometimes in times of strife,

Traveling gravel on the road of life

I get to the fork, and turn to the right

And I wonder, is this the path of light?

I live everyday for having fun

Looking for the good in everyone

I know that this is my eternal role

But am I reaching my potential goal?

I plan to keep traveling

I’ll never stop trying

I know I’ll cross the finish line

Then eternity will be mine

I’ll live with my loved ones

In celestial glory, bright as the sun

So when I’m stuck on a bad road

I’ll do what I can to lighten my load

Reach out to my Father, up in heaven

A blessing I’ll get along with a lesson

He gives me the strength

When I put forth my hand he extends the length

I grow close to my Savior, it’s easy to do

In studying scriptures and praying too

So on my road of gravel and doubt

He shows me what life is really about

Sure there are trials and lessons to learn

Ill ignite my fire and feel the burn

It’s not up to me to do all alone

He’s leading me back to His glorious throne.

So with a smile I’ll start each new day

Head out the door and be on my way.

Looking far beyond the doubt

Discovering this IS what life is about!

Renee L Conaway

1/17/2013

Untouchable

I check your desk, when you may be there

You make me smile when you’re near

You’ve made me feel better about myself

Reminding me I’m not lost on the shelf

We’ve hugged and it makes me smile

So close, yet separated by a mile

You have such a big heart it’s unbelievable

You have a girlfriend so you’re untouchable

I don’t know what I’d do

If you were available too

I’d probably still wish and wonder

About the spell I’m under

When you told me I looked beautiful

The joy I felt was wonderful

You continue to surprise me

By reminding me who I can be

I yearn to be a better person

One who can be certain

The guy she loves will love her too

Too bad it’s not untouchable you

You give me compliments I don’t know how to take

I say thanks, and pinch myself to see if I’m awake

The little things you notice and mention,

It’s hard, because I’m not used to the attention

Someday I hope to find a guy like you

Someone who’s cute and full of kindness too

Someone who makes me see how life can be

Someone who notices the beauty hidden inside of me

I would never cross an untouchable line

Instead I will wait until my time

When someone like me, finds someone like you

Then he and I will be untouchable too

Renee L Conaway

1/3/2013

Christmas Letter 2012

Merry Christmas!                                                                                    December 2012

            Well another year has come and gone! It’s incredible how much can change in just one year! Last year at this time I was waiting on some news that didn’t come until Jan so I slacked on sending out Christmas wishes! Sorry for that! This year I am trying to get back on track (although a little late)

            I want to try and keep this year’s update a little shorter so I think I am going to do it a little different and break it down by month:

JAN: I received word that I passed my backgrounds and medical evaluations and was going to be hired by the Ca Highway Patrol as a Public Safety Dispatcher. I was scheduled to start in March.

FEB: I spent my last few weeks working for the County of Ventura, in the end of 2011 there had been a lot of changes made to the maintenance department where I was working and I was glad to be leaving. I quit giving myself a little more than 2 weeks off and spent some time with family and made a trip to Northern Ca and went fishing with my cousin in my time off. It was great. I also got to spend 24 hours straight at Disneyland for Leap Day! What a once in a lifetime experience. (they’d never allowed that before and I don’t know if they’ll do it again)

MAR: I started with CHP on the 14^th, I did all my new hire paperwork, a couple days of ride-alongs with officers then traveled to Sacramento for a 3 week training course. In Sacramento I stayed at the academy where the officers are trained. It was a unique experience and taught me a lot. It was “dorm-style” living and I enjoyed the break away from home.

APR: Easter Sunday was my first shift in the dispatch center and I answered a couple 911 calls. As it turned out my trainer was out sick that day with her son in the ER so I mostly sat around. My first month of training went well and I learned a lot and enjoyed it.

MAY: I got a new trainer, she seemed a lot more intense and I began to struggle some while training but I was hanging in there, studying a lot and working on improving where she felt I had issues.

JUN: I got a 3^rd trainer (they do that so that you get different perspectives and can learn to develop your own style while understanding different styles) With this trainer I felt I was really improving. I was starting to get perfect training scores and was really learning a lot. I was handling most of the calls on my own and my trainer taught me a lot. I continued studying in down time and was really gaining some level of comfort in what I was doing as a dispatcher.

During June I also got to spend a week in the Washington DC area visiting my friend Collin. It was great to get away and see the sites. I also got to visit with Sharon and her family while there! It was a great trip! I love the history in that area and only wish I had more time since there was a lot more I could’ve done but didn’t have time for. Oh and I wish I wasn’t there during a heat wave…. Bleh! Overall it was great though! (you can read more about it on my blog:  elegyrl.blogspot.com

JUL: At the end of June after my trip I spent a week working with the training supervisor since my trainer was on vacation when I got back. In the beginning of July I was assigned a new trainer. During that last week in June the training supervisor felt I was not quite where I needed to be for dispatch. So I was given a new trainer and was put on “remedial training” From the very first call I took my new trainer didn’t like anything I was doing. She was making change every log I made then telling me I was taking too long on my calls. I felt very uncomfortable working with her and when I approached supervisors about it they said that they couldn’t do much because I was struggling anyway and that “not everyone is cut out for the job”. That week was hard for me and at the end of the week they told me they were going to do a “Rejection During Probation” I was given the option to accept the RDP or to resign. I chose the RDP and was assigned to work clerical in the Moorpark office until it went thru. After that happened, I began to feel a sense of relief.

JUL/AUG/SEP Most of July, all of Aug and Sep I was working in Moorpark. I really enjoyed my time there and learned a lot. I also learned while I was there, that I wasn’t meant to work in the Ventura Dispatch Center. I’ve learned since that time that Ventura is known for not keeping their trainees. It’s sad really but I guess I just wasn’t a fit. It’s been tough and I wish it would’ve worked out but I have gained comfort in knowing that for some reason I wasn’t meant to be there. I made some great friends in Moorpark and during that time I didn’t feel a sense of urgency in finding a new job so I didn’t apply for many. Toward the end of that time a position opened up for an office assistant in the West Valley CHP office and I applied, interviewed and got the position. I took a “voluntary demotion” from dispatch to the office assistant position and now have been there 2.5 months.

OCT: In October an old friend of mine from High School Krissy messaged me about possibly renting a place together. I told her it was tough because I just took a demotion (and paycut) at work and I didn’t know if I could afford it. But we looked to see if we could find something we could budget for. We planned a Sat for her to come down so we could look and when she did we found a place! We moved in at the end of Oct. It’s small but it’s been nice. I have had to get some help from my family financially but I am hoping after Christmas when things settle down a little bit I won’t have to ask for as much help. It’s been nice to be out on my “own”

NOV: With having moved out and found a new job, although funds are tight I have/had a lot to be grateful for!

DEC: So far so good!

Overall with being able to be working and going to church, making new friends and spending time with family this has been a great year! I love you all and am thankful for so much in my life! My knee is still giving me problems but I am trying to do what I can anyway. I am not letting it force me to be lazy. I still have my Disneyland pass and although with working Dispatch at the beginning of the year I missed a few months, I still try to go regularly. I love it! Such a fun and peaceful atmosphere! Well I think that was my year in a nutshell! I’ve grown a lot this year and although I have struggled I know Heavenly Father is looking out for me, so I am looking forward to what 2013 has to bring! –maybe a husband?

Love you all so much