Saturday, February 6, 2010


Well I usually try to title my blog something fun and catchy and this time I am not feeling that creative. Maybe it's because I am feeling a bit blah lately. I am really struggling and even though I am doing my best to "hang in there" it's still hard. I didn't really want my blog title to reflect my saddened emotional state so thus it is the non-catchy-blog-title today.

So I guess they didn't like my entry to "get on the bus" for Extreme Makeover Home Edition. :( I really wanted to go and help too! It really makes me sad that I didn't get called or picked up or however it works! Although when I applied and submitted my application online I didn't get any kind of confirmation that it was sent. So even though it said to only apply once I re-did the complete application and worded everything exactly the same (I had it written down because of the space limits I needed to word it well) and when I submitted it again it went to the same mostly blank page on the computer. So maybe I would've been called but they never saw my app? I really don't know but either way I am really sad! That would've been an experience of a lifetime!

I am still not working and it is getting to be more and more difficult to deal with. My bills are all late and my mom just really doesn't have the funds to help me still. She is doing the best she can but it's hard. I really don't want to go to the church for help but I may have to unless something comes up really soon! My only other option is to maybe cash out my 401K but it is finally vested and so I would prefer to roll it over into a new account when I get a new job. Especially since there is over $6000 in it and if I cash it out I would only get like $2700 of it! I have been applying for all kinds of jobs in all kinds of locations. So hopefully soon something will come up! The only thing is I am still having knee problems and now my wrist is acting up too! So no matter what I am probably going to be aggravated with one limb or the other once I am working, maybe both. But right now financially I cannot worry about that! I need an income. That and I am going stir crazy being home so much! I really need out of this house and cannot afford to leave and do stuff!

So I have been "sick" but not really sick since the beginning of the year. Well part of the time I really was sick with the nasty cough and stuff. But mostly I've felt congested and unfortunately with that my ears have been plugged! I would say since the beginning of the year there has maybe been between 5-8 days where I really felt I could hear "normally". I've been to the free clinic a few times and they have said each time that there is no sign of an ear infection. They've put me on a nose spray because my sinus passages are swollen and so with that it reduces drainage and thus will lead to ear problems. They keep telling me to keep taking the over the counter sudafed etc. But I hate taking more medicine than I should and even though the doctors are telling me it's ok I hate that I have taken some for more than a week at a time because I know you're not supposed to! I switched from the Tylenol one I bought originally to a Wal-mart brand sudafed one that has even more Pseudo ephedrine in it! Today was really bad but then tonight just about an hour ago they finally kinda cleared! So hopefully with another dose of the meds in the morning I will be ok for church... it will be nice to be able to sit through church and be able to hear the teachers and understand what they're saying. It's really hard to keep focused when you can't hear it. I know it's affected me. Aside from that last week not only could I barely hear anything my knee was hurting so badly that I almost left early. I was crying in sacrament! I hate feeling that badly! Even though it was hard I am glad I stayed though because what I was able to listen to of the talks were really good! Well the latest is now they want me to double up on my nose spray medication (I hate nose sprays to begin with) and to do a nasal drain before I spray (YUCK!! Even worse than the spray) but hopefully it will all help in the end. I guess it doesn't help that I have deviated R septum and so I am prone to sinusitis. Also that my Eustachian tubes are too small so when there is swelling and stuff it affects them that much more. So I guess with all the swelling the plugged ears make sense. But I don't know why I have so much swelling? They said there is NO infection! So what the heck is causing me to deal with all this? I take allergy pills, I am taking sudafed, I am on a nose spray.. there shouldn't be any allergy type symptoms going on! I really wish I had my insurance still because I would've requested a referral by now to go see my ENT (Ear Nose and Throat) specialist! Dr Wareham who I have seen since a kid is pretty cool. I didn't like him as a kid because he looked up my nose. Even though I still don't like that, I have accepted it now and realized he is a darn good Dr! Anyway I am hoping I start feeling better soon!

Lets see what else is going on?? There seems to be more I wanted to share but now that I am here and typing my mind is drawing a blank. Maybe it's just because I am really tired and so I will write again later!

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