Well the time has come, it has been a long time coming and it is finally here. My Dad will be having open heart surgery on Monday! It is a very scary situation. This is something he has needed for over a year now (almost 2 years for the bypass part of it) It is very scary. He has a rare heart condition called Pericardial Calcification with constrictive pericarditis..... anyways basically what it means is that the pericardial sac that surrounds the heart and protects it... is becoming calcified (hardened) and so it is constricting the heart and decreasing it's ability to pump properly. Apparantly most cardiologists will only see this condition ina patient approximatelyy once every 5 years or so. Its not like cogestive heart failure (which my dad also has) or like when a patient has a blockage needing a stent or bypass. It's a lot more serious. If the calcification is not surgically removed eventually it will completely suffocate the heart and my dad will pass on. But at the same time because of the seriousness of the condition to remove it they have to put him on a heart and lung bypass machine for the operation and go in and chip away or remove the pericardial sac. It is kinda like peeling a hard boiled egg.... they have to remove the shell. Then while they already have him on the table they will take care of the bypass as well. So even the operation is life threatning! It doesn't help that he is overweight, and diabetic and has the CHF. They all increase the risks of any major operation.... so we don't even know any percentages of survival versus the alternative for this operation! We are hoping for survival with a full recovery! On the plus side today my Bishop and the missionaries came over to give him a Priesthood blessing. It was incredible!! Afterwards my Dad said that when they laid their hands on his head he felt a tingling sensation throughout his body! He felt the Holy Ghost! I had been praying that he would! That he would recognize the power of the Priesthood on the earth and he did!! It was amazing!! I just hope he remembers that and has more interest in church after the operation! ANyways its super late (almost 3 am) and we are doing a family breakfast around 8am before they leave to check into the hospital! So I should hit the hay! But I wanted to post a poem that I wrote last summer after we had first learned of his having this condition..... because we had just learned of it than and now its time for the surgery and so it applies:
It’s Hard
It’s hard
The pains we have to bear
It’s hard
With so much tribulation everywhere
It hurts
To overcome the pain
It hurts
Time and time again
It hungers
My soul to find peace
It hungers
To feel some relief
It helps
When we have a friend
It helps
To find a blessing in the end
It’s hard
To get on our knees and pray
It’s hard
When there’s never the words to say
It hurts
When you have to say goodbye
It hurts
To not understand the reason why
It hungers
To find answers day by day
It hungers
To trust God’s will everyday
It helps
To put my faith in God
It helps
Having my feet planted in Gospel sod
Renee L Conaway 7-17-2007
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
My Shadow
So normally when I think of a shadow I think of the image portrayed of my body when I am standing in the sun or in a room with a light only in one spot. In the dictionary it has several definitions listed.... my favorites for my idea of a shadow are numbers 2, 4a & 5.... "2: a reflected image 4 a: an imperfect and faint representation b: an imitation of something : copy 5: the dark figure cast upon a surface by a body intercepting the rays from a source of light" ... (full definition found on merriam-webster.com)
Anyways I have found that I need to appreciate also definition 4b... the part about the imitation. My shadow comes whether I am inside the house or outside. When it is dark or light, when I am at home or the store... he (yes he) can be found anywhere, anytime and at anyplace! He is about 2 1/2 feet tall and is learning to talk. More commonly he goes by the name Elijah but I decided I am going to nickname my nephew Shadow! He just turned 2 in Aug. He is learning a lot and growing up fast! He is way cute but also in the "terrible twos" stage of life. For several months now (since as far back as March that I can recall specific events) he has gotten into mocking and copying people in the house. But in my own personal observation he has taken it a lot further with me. Maybe its because since all my knee stuff I have been home more so he sees me a lot, but he sees my parents more.... most of the time I don't mind, in fact it is frequently very cute. But at the same time it can be frustrating too!
Like I said I can remember an incidence as far back as March, which was when I had my knee operation. Well a day or two after surgery I was going to the kitchen for something. I was allowed to do minor weight bearing as tolerated and I really hated the crutches so since I was only going to the kitchen I went crutch free. But this also meant I was weak and wobbling and basically limped or hobbled to the kitchen. I got to the sink and leaned on it to take the pressure off a little and when I kinda turned around I noticed my little shadow limping and pulling his leg along like I had done! He also had to sit and ice his knee everytime I did. He had to have it elevated and everything! Just like me.... (hence the picture) That was such a cute thing that I cannot remember any specific copying before that! But it mostly started around than! Anyways lately in the past few weeks he has increased in his shadowing of Aunt Renee! With all my watching of Smallville on several occasions he has come into my room, walked out and came back with his blanket, put it on my bed and wanted "up". He would then sit next to me in whatever position I was in. If I was leaning on the wall with a pillow thats what he wanted to do. If I sat up more and scoot over so would he. If I had a bowl of popcorn so did he. ETC ETC! You get the idea.... well then even the other night I was on my stomach laying on my bed with a pillow and while watching Smallville I was writing a letter. I had my phone and my remotes and stuff like normal with me and my lap-desk and my pens and stationary. HE came in an saw me and left. He came back with a notebook and an inkpen and wanted up. I brought him up and he laid down next to me on his stomach and looked at me and smiled. Then he had to get a pillow to lay on like me. If I changed pens so did he! He was even trying to hold the pen like I was. If I stopped to think, he stopped to.
He watches my every move! Like I said it is frequently cute and very touching... but can get frustrating at other times like the other day when I was trying to clean the kitchen (which he loves to help do dishes with whomever) but I was getting sore and knew I couldn't stand in the kitchen much longer, but he really wanted to help. I had to break his heart and he cried when I wouldn't let him help... :( I wanted to cry too!
Well tonight I was making some popcorn. I was in the kitchen and he was watching me from the dining room. I don't remember why but I was laughing. I don't know if I started just to play with him or what but he copied me laughing. So I laughed differently and he imitated it. I would snort and he tried to snort. In fact that no matter how I tried to laugh he would copy it. A witches cackle a hissing or anything, if it was a hahaha or a hehehe or a hohoho. If I did it deep like Santa or high pitched like Barbie he was doing what I was. Even if I would do something fuinny and change it up... he would too! Which of course made me laugh even more! It went on for several minutes. SO then I went in the other room and he did it some more in front of my parents and my sister, than again in front of my other sister! So for about 10 or 15 min my shadow and I laughed together! That was a moment where my shadow was fun!
Anyways I would recommend if you do not have a very active shadow like mine you should look into it! He is much more exciting than "a dark figure cast upon a surface by a body intercepting the rays from a source of light" he is active and loud and even plays in the dark! Except he can be a little demanding at times... he needs diaper changes and food and drinks and stuff! He has to be bathed and put in a carseat in the car and stuff and sometimes wants to be carried! But if you are willing to sacrifice to comply with the demands this is the shadow for you! Mine especially likes my animal crackers I bought at Costco. He frequently comes in my room and carries the bucket out to someone who can open the lid for him. The other day I was on the computer and heard a noise, I turned and he was in the doorway with my bucket.... I looked at him and him at me... then he smiled and said "haha" and was gone with the crackers! hmmpfh!! Oh goodness... how I love my shadow! I know someday he willgrow out of it and become more of a brat than he already is... but for now he is a lot of fun!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Smallville
OK so you can call me a nerd if you want but I enjoy watching Smallville. A friend of mine got me into it a few years back. But in all reality I wasn't watching it regularly. I tried to but I ended up getting pretty far behind so I sorta stopped watching it. Oh and incase you don't know what it's about..... its about Clark Kent (AKA Superman) but its about his earlier days. When he was growing up and learning about his powers and stuff. Most of the first seasons were his high school years. (the back of the season one box says this: "Between the boy Clark Kent thought he was and the man he is destined to become lie the compelling stories of Smallville, the popular action series that reimagines the Superman saga from its roots...") SO to me the funny thing is I have never seen a Superman movie in my life! If I have I don't remember it! I haven't ever watched Batman or Star Wars either! So I find it odd that I have gotten into watching Smallville. Anyways at least a year or so ago I ended up buying seasons 1-3 at some point in time or another. Last year during the time I was working on a rotating 24 hour shift I often brought Smallville and my portable Dvd player with me to work and during the time I was at the station if I wasn't reading scriptures or writing in my journal I was watching back to back episodes of Smallville. I stopped somewhere in season 2. Thats where I left off.
Well than lately I got back onto my Smallville kick! I have been watching at least one disk each night (usually 4 episodes) and trying to get caught up on the story of Smallville adn CLark Kent. I started somewhere in Season 2 where I thought I had left off when working some of the episodes seemed familiar but I continued. Because I didn't know where I had left off plus I had seen some on TV and didnt know which seasons or episodes those were! Well tonight I finished Season 3 and started season 4! Yup I watched 2 disks tonight! :) It seems to be the only thing lately that keeps me off my legs! Which with my knee I am supposed to be doing a lot of sitting around but I find it hard to sit still! Except lately while watching Smallville. But I seem to start kinda late in the night so I end up staying up until like 2 or 3 am watching it. Than sleeping in late! Its not good because eventually I will be going back to work and have to be on a normal schedule again, but for the time being I guess its ok! :) So I was thinking since I am back on track and trying to get caught up with all I've missed that since I am still out of work I can maybe watch all the seasons and be ready for the new season when it starts this month! But I don't know when it restarts and I found out that I am pretty far behind! Especially since this week or next ( I don't remember the exact date) season 7 was being released on DVD! I guess I have more catching up to do than I thought! But I'm trying! Each season averages like 22-23 episodes each! Each time I finish a disk even at like 2 or 3am I am tempted to start the next!
Maybe I enjoy the show because I like that in every episode good usually triumphs over evil. It is usally Clark who overcomes and wins in the end. Even if his powers are make-believe and fictional, but than again so are the things he is having to overcome in the others he is fighting. Maybe I like that there is always some sort of moral to be learned by Clark. Or maybe I just enjoy the show because Tom Welling (who plays Clark) and Michael Rosenbaum (who plays Lex Luthor) are both pretty good looking guys!! I am a sucker for light colored eyes which they both have! And Tom Welling has the most adorable smile! It may be a little crazy but I love that Michael Rosenbaum has no hair! I don't know why for sure but I think bald heads on some guys are really sexy! I mean on younger guys anyways! I am not checking out old bald men! But I have known some good looking bald guys my age and I am pretty sure he isn't "old" by any means... although its kinda like my celebrity crush on Devon Sawa I probably will never meet Tom Welling or Michael Rosenbaum.... but I can watch them on Smallville and enjoy the "eye candy"
It's kind of weird too, I find myself relating to the character of Chloe Sullivan. She is one of Clarks best friends, but secretly she loves him. Well I think he kind of knows she likes him, but she knows he doesn't have the same feelings and so they remain as friends. But its hard on her sometimes. Especially since he likes Lana. ANyways so she watches him and Lana struggle with their relationship! I kinda feel the same way about a friend of mine and even though I am sure it would never work out between this friend and myself I find it so hard to get over it! He will always hold a special place in my heart! I don't remeber the specifics but something happened at the end of an episode I watched recently where Chloe really got hurt by the situation and it made me cry thinking of all the similarities in my own case! Maybe that is partly why I like the show so much! I think somehow eventually Chloe and Clark will wind up together and it gives me hope... even though I am pretty sure there is no hope in my case....
So anyways also a few nights ago on one of the episodes one of the characters said something that I really liked. I was tempted to write it down but I didn't! But now since I have been watching so many episodes and stuff I don't know which one I would have to re-watch to find it again. But tonight in episode 20 of season 3, Clark's dad Jonathan Kent said something that I really liked. SO I did actually pause it and write it down. He told Clark " You can be the worlds greatest hero, or it's most mild mannered citizen, but the only person who can write your story is you" I thought that was a pretty cool thought! Even though we don't have any super powers like Clark does, I think we all have the power to be heroic. We also have the power to be a standard citizen and fall in the ranks of life along with everyone else, but we do have our free agency and we can make our own decisions and that gives us the opportunity to write our own story! We can be guided by the Holy Ghost and taught to walk the straight and narrow path, but all in all even then we are writing our own story! Anyways thats my little thought for tonight! Nerdy and lame as it may be! It's me! :)
Well than lately I got back onto my Smallville kick! I have been watching at least one disk each night (usually 4 episodes) and trying to get caught up on the story of Smallville adn CLark Kent. I started somewhere in Season 2 where I thought I had left off when working some of the episodes seemed familiar but I continued. Because I didn't know where I had left off plus I had seen some on TV and didnt know which seasons or episodes those were! Well tonight I finished Season 3 and started season 4! Yup I watched 2 disks tonight! :) It seems to be the only thing lately that keeps me off my legs! Which with my knee I am supposed to be doing a lot of sitting around but I find it hard to sit still! Except lately while watching Smallville. But I seem to start kinda late in the night so I end up staying up until like 2 or 3 am watching it. Than sleeping in late! Its not good because eventually I will be going back to work and have to be on a normal schedule again, but for the time being I guess its ok! :) So I was thinking since I am back on track and trying to get caught up with all I've missed that since I am still out of work I can maybe watch all the seasons and be ready for the new season when it starts this month! But I don't know when it restarts and I found out that I am pretty far behind! Especially since this week or next ( I don't remember the exact date) season 7 was being released on DVD! I guess I have more catching up to do than I thought! But I'm trying! Each season averages like 22-23 episodes each! Each time I finish a disk even at like 2 or 3am I am tempted to start the next!
Maybe I enjoy the show because I like that in every episode good usually triumphs over evil. It is usally Clark who overcomes and wins in the end. Even if his powers are make-believe and fictional, but than again so are the things he is having to overcome in the others he is fighting. Maybe I like that there is always some sort of moral to be learned by Clark. Or maybe I just enjoy the show because Tom Welling (who plays Clark) and Michael Rosenbaum (who plays Lex Luthor) are both pretty good looking guys!! I am a sucker for light colored eyes which they both have! And Tom Welling has the most adorable smile! It may be a little crazy but I love that Michael Rosenbaum has no hair! I don't know why for sure but I think bald heads on some guys are really sexy! I mean on younger guys anyways! I am not checking out old bald men! But I have known some good looking bald guys my age and I am pretty sure he isn't "old" by any means... although its kinda like my celebrity crush on Devon Sawa I probably will never meet Tom Welling or Michael Rosenbaum.... but I can watch them on Smallville and enjoy the "eye candy"
It's kind of weird too, I find myself relating to the character of Chloe Sullivan. She is one of Clarks best friends, but secretly she loves him. Well I think he kind of knows she likes him, but she knows he doesn't have the same feelings and so they remain as friends. But its hard on her sometimes. Especially since he likes Lana. ANyways so she watches him and Lana struggle with their relationship! I kinda feel the same way about a friend of mine and even though I am sure it would never work out between this friend and myself I find it so hard to get over it! He will always hold a special place in my heart! I don't remeber the specifics but something happened at the end of an episode I watched recently where Chloe really got hurt by the situation and it made me cry thinking of all the similarities in my own case! Maybe that is partly why I like the show so much! I think somehow eventually Chloe and Clark will wind up together and it gives me hope... even though I am pretty sure there is no hope in my case....
So anyways also a few nights ago on one of the episodes one of the characters said something that I really liked. I was tempted to write it down but I didn't! But now since I have been watching so many episodes and stuff I don't know which one I would have to re-watch to find it again. But tonight in episode 20 of season 3, Clark's dad Jonathan Kent said something that I really liked. SO I did actually pause it and write it down. He told Clark " You can be the worlds greatest hero, or it's most mild mannered citizen, but the only person who can write your story is you" I thought that was a pretty cool thought! Even though we don't have any super powers like Clark does, I think we all have the power to be heroic. We also have the power to be a standard citizen and fall in the ranks of life along with everyone else, but we do have our free agency and we can make our own decisions and that gives us the opportunity to write our own story! We can be guided by the Holy Ghost and taught to walk the straight and narrow path, but all in all even then we are writing our own story! Anyways thats my little thought for tonight! Nerdy and lame as it may be! It's me! :)
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Magical Sayings
OK so when I went on the grunion run awhile back I made a comment that I think I tried to repeat in my blog about it and Iwas told I should write down some of my sayings.... Well I don't think I am that humerous or witty or whatever but since then I was at some friends house for their birthday party (it was a set of twins) and their mom was asking me about our Disney Musical Review we did last month (the same night as the grunion run) and if I was involved in it. I was telling her that I was one of the eels during Ursula's "Poor Unfortunate Souls" number, that I was singing off stage during the Newsies "Sieze the Day" number, and that during Mary Poppins "Spoonful of Sugar" I was "the magic behind the toybox" thats how I worded it. I told her I was the magic behind the toybox. We had 3 toyboxes set up on stage for that number with toys scattered onstage. THey were all attached to strings and druing the song when Mary and the kids would snap the toys would go into the toybox. ... SO I was the magic behind the toybox. Anyways they liked that statement so I have remembered it.....
Well than last week when I went fishing as I mentioned I was in a little nowhere-ville town called Denair. Its small and kinda hidden in the limelight of Turlock. Well while I was there I wanted to send some postcards to a few friends. I asked my cousin if there was somewhere I could go but a few postcards to send them out. He said probably nothing for Denair that i could probably find something for Turlock and most likely for teh UNiversity of Stanislaus (in Turlock) but nothing for Denair. Now just to give you a little more info about Denair....its really only like a 5-10 min drive to be in Turlock and get to the bigger places around.... but in the actuially city of Denair there is no major grocery store chains or otherwise, you have to go to Turlock for that. THere is a little mom and pop type place and stuff but nothing like Ralphs or Albertsons or etc. Well we decided that instead of going to buy postcards we would print my fishing pictures from my digital camera to send instead.... so we found a picture that I really liked and finally got it printed and I wrote on tehm like postcards, stamped them and needed to go to the postoffice. NOw I didn't know my way around too well even in a small town like Denair I had driven to my cousins house and that was about it. My cousin drove to the lake (which was the other direction anyway) and so I asked for directions to the post office so I could mail my cards. If it wasn't for my knee being messed up they said we could tkae a walk and go there.... but I needed to drive so they said that Cody could go with me. COdy is 10 years old and he was my little navigator. (He is my cousin's stepson) He was going to get me to the post office and back again. We were off. Now during the drive we got to an area where we needed to turn left, but due to traffic signs and stuff we couldn't. He said that normally he is on his bike and would do it anyway because "no one cares in Denair" I thought that was the funniest thing I had heard all day. I told him I cared and that I was goign to drive the right way and we went around and got where we needed to be. Well than we got back to the house and we were getting ready to make dinner (our fish) and my cousin remembered they didn't have any oil left fromt he last time. Deneen his wife had already picked up the otehr stuff we needed for dinner (extra salad and such) so I volunteered to go to the store and get the oil. So my little navigator Cody and I were off to the mom and pop shop! When we got to the parking lot I was like where do we park and he said "anywhere, because no one cares in Denair" he said it again!!! I thought it was so great that I have still remembered it but I may someday forget so I am blogging it for all the world to see!
Well now you know that I am the magic behind the toybox and that no one cares in Denair. But I must say I did follow all teh laws in Denair and Turlock and everywhere I went (except a little speeding on the drive to/from on the freeway) because even if in Cody's eyes no one cares in Denair, Im sure if their sherriff or someone saw me he would care!
Well than last week when I went fishing as I mentioned I was in a little nowhere-ville town called Denair. Its small and kinda hidden in the limelight of Turlock. Well while I was there I wanted to send some postcards to a few friends. I asked my cousin if there was somewhere I could go but a few postcards to send them out. He said probably nothing for Denair that i could probably find something for Turlock and most likely for teh UNiversity of Stanislaus (in Turlock) but nothing for Denair. Now just to give you a little more info about Denair....its really only like a 5-10 min drive to be in Turlock and get to the bigger places around.... but in the actuially city of Denair there is no major grocery store chains or otherwise, you have to go to Turlock for that. THere is a little mom and pop type place and stuff but nothing like Ralphs or Albertsons or etc. Well we decided that instead of going to buy postcards we would print my fishing pictures from my digital camera to send instead.... so we found a picture that I really liked and finally got it printed and I wrote on tehm like postcards, stamped them and needed to go to the postoffice. NOw I didn't know my way around too well even in a small town like Denair I had driven to my cousins house and that was about it. My cousin drove to the lake (which was the other direction anyway) and so I asked for directions to the post office so I could mail my cards. If it wasn't for my knee being messed up they said we could tkae a walk and go there.... but I needed to drive so they said that Cody could go with me. COdy is 10 years old and he was my little navigator. (He is my cousin's stepson) He was going to get me to the post office and back again. We were off. Now during the drive we got to an area where we needed to turn left, but due to traffic signs and stuff we couldn't. He said that normally he is on his bike and would do it anyway because "no one cares in Denair" I thought that was the funniest thing I had heard all day. I told him I cared and that I was goign to drive the right way and we went around and got where we needed to be. Well than we got back to the house and we were getting ready to make dinner (our fish) and my cousin remembered they didn't have any oil left fromt he last time. Deneen his wife had already picked up the otehr stuff we needed for dinner (extra salad and such) so I volunteered to go to the store and get the oil. So my little navigator Cody and I were off to the mom and pop shop! When we got to the parking lot I was like where do we park and he said "anywhere, because no one cares in Denair" he said it again!!! I thought it was so great that I have still remembered it but I may someday forget so I am blogging it for all the world to see!
Well now you know that I am the magic behind the toybox and that no one cares in Denair. But I must say I did follow all teh laws in Denair and Turlock and everywhere I went (except a little speeding on the drive to/from on the freeway) because even if in Cody's eyes no one cares in Denair, Im sure if their sherriff or someone saw me he would care!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Room to Breathe
** Ok so in case you don't know... DL stands for Disneyland.
So awhile ago I had won 4 tickets from the radio for DL. I had some friends I knew wanted to go so I promised them a ticket.So I had 4 tickets. Of my tickets one was promised to Justin, one I ended up using one when Sharon came out and one for my Mom at the same time. Then after we went my mom won 4 tickets. SO I still had two (the one for Justin and one extra) then at church one day while talking to some friends one of the girls was saying she wanted to go to DL but unlike the others in the conversation she didn't have an annual pass. So I gave her a ticket. We went in a group of 4 girls and had fun before Renee moved to Utah. I still had Justin's ticket and back in July he was coming out for a visit. We set a date to go and everything. Well on his drive here from Idaho his car broke down. He didn't make it to CA that week. In the meanwhile shortly after we had gone with Sharon and stuff my Mom won tickets of her own so she had 4 tickets. so for awhile now she has been considering who to take and when to go etc. Finally she decided she wanted to go with us. My little sister and myself both have a pass so her and Rhonda and Denise would need tickets and she had one more. She invited her sister (my aunt Linda) to join. But the problem was picking a date to go. My nephews would both be free because they are under 3 years old. If we went on a weekday because school just started Denise wouldn't be able to go, and Rhonda would need the day off from a job she just started. The only day my aunt could go would be a fri or sat because of her work schedule but if we went on Fri she would be super tired and not have gotten any sleep since shes on the night shift. So we were aiming for a Sat. Deann had her gallbladder removed on the 14th. SO a few weeks ago I told my mom "why don't we go on your birthday on the 30th, its a Sat so Rhonda, Denise and Aunt Linda all are already available, its 2 weeks after Deann's surgery so she should be moving around better to tolerate it and its before I am scheduled to return to work." SO that became the plan. But then as it turns out because its the holiday weekend Deann and I both had blackout days on our passes.
Well the tickets my Mom and I both had were to expire on the 15th of Sept. SO we needed to use them. I got ahold of Justin to see if he knew when he would be rescheduling his trip yet, but he said unfortunately with work, and just starting school he didn't think he would be able to make it to CA. But he let me know Matt was coming. Well last year I had promised Matt and another friend Peter both tickets when I had won them before. But neither had made it in time either. So I talked to Matt and he was coming to CA but didn't think he had time in his visit for DL. SO I ended up using my ticket and Deann got a blackout day ticket for the park. It all worked out and we all went to DL yesterday! Woohoo................
My knee was hurting before we even left in the morning. I had already planned on renting a wheelchair, but now I knew for sure I would need one. We got out of the house later than planned and so the disagreements began. Rhonda and I had been fighting last weekend. But then I left and went fishing. I was thinking the fact that we didn't see each other for 4 days would be a good way for us both to chill out and settle down a bit. Well from the time I got back she was still giving me an attitude. She would walk across the room and ask my mom to hold my nephew when she went to make a bottle, when I was sitting right next to her and stuff like that. She barely said two words to me once I was home. Anything she did say or do was done with attitude! It was frustrating! I thought we were older and wiser. But apparently only one of us has grown up in life. So I prayed for strength and comfort and to be able to keep my temper under control. I prayed that we would be able to go to DL and have fun and be loving and less contentious. Well I did pretty well but my sister continued to give me an attitude and stuff. It really upset me. Nobody would listen to what I had to say about which rides we should go to or how we got in line and stuff when they would ask me the questions nobody seemed to care about the responses. So I was in pain, trying to keep my temper in check, and felt like I was being ignored. It was hard and I was getting more and more frustrated as the day went on. It was really hard. Then it seemed like they were being kind of hypocritical. I wanted to go into my favorite store since we were right there and look around and my mom said something about we could come back after going to CA adventure. But then when I was done and we were going to CA Adv. they all stopped in a different store! UGH!! Then they stopped to get pineapple ice cream. SO I was getting pretty upset. But instead of saying anything or arguing I bit my tongue and was crying. So that was that. It pretty much continued like this for most of the day.
Another thing that kinda upset me was my aunt made a comment while we were waiting in the wheelchair line for Splash mountain about "cheating" because I said I was trying to get into the line before the other wheelchairs. I questioned her about how is that cheating trying to get in front of other in line and she said something about using a wheelchair! It felt like to me she was accusing me of not needing the wheelchair at all! Luckily for me Denise heard the conversation and stood up for me before I even had the chance to retaliate. She told my aunt that I couldn't walk the park that I was crying in pain before we had even left the house. This was especially upsetting because this week while I was up north I went to visit with my aunt Barbara a little while and she commented to me about how my knee must not be hurting much because I walked down the stairs too easily at her house. I had gone down her front steps a little too fast because they were smaller steps so I wasn't thinking and I actually did irritate my knee when I went down them but I didn't express it outwardly. Then because she asked me to I went with her to the store and while we were there she was lecturing me about how I should stay off my knee and stuff and I told her that I could sit at home on the couch just as easily as on the fishing boat and she said "what about now?" I wanted to say "you are the one who brought me to the store, otherwise I would be off of it!" but I didn't say it!
So twice this week by my own family I felt like I was being judged and as if I was faking it! Its really hard for me to think they think that of me! I am not that kind of person! I want my knee to be better and at to be working more than anything else in the world right now and it scares me to death that I cannot be there! I get my first injection on Weds afternoon and I am supposed to be returning to work next week and unfortunatly I am going to have to tell them that its getting worse and that I won't be able to return yet so I need another note. Unless the injection is a mircale drug and I am better in 5 days from the first shot! But I have a feeling it isn't going to work that way!
Well I am not sure what else I can say. I did have some fun at DL but not as much as usually when I am with friends and not being treated like a nobody. When I am not judged for my disability and when people are talking to me like a human and not treating me like a piece of dirt on their shoe! I wish things were different and I am only one person so I cannot change the world but I am sure going to try and be more positive! I am going to try and pull through. I have this song on a Reba CD that I have been listening to. its called "Room to Breathe" its geared more towards a boyfriend or significant other but I really think the chorus applies to how I feel right now.
Here is the complete song lyrics:
You ain’t done nothing wrong
But I think we need to talk
You might be the one but before we go too far
I need a little time, to figure out my heart
Who could ask for more
But I need to know for sure
I haven’t been myself from the minute that we met
I ran into your world and kinda walked out on myself
All those dreams I had I begin to second guess
For you
One too many questions
Until I know the truth
I need Room to breathe
A little time to think
To make sure I don’t lose me
I need room to breathe
I know you’re not to blame
And I swear there’s no one new
This has to do with me
And not a thing to do with you
So don’t try to understand
You don’t have a thing to prove to me
If you really love me
Just give me what I need
Room to breathe
A little time to think
To make sure I don’t lose me
I need room to breathe
Please don’t take this wrong
and please don’t turn away I just don’t
Want to look back one day and say
I need room to breathe
A little time to think
To make sure I don’t lose me
I need room to breathe
Room to breathe
So awhile ago I had won 4 tickets from the radio for DL. I had some friends I knew wanted to go so I promised them a ticket.So I had 4 tickets. Of my tickets one was promised to Justin, one I ended up using one when Sharon came out and one for my Mom at the same time. Then after we went my mom won 4 tickets. SO I still had two (the one for Justin and one extra) then at church one day while talking to some friends one of the girls was saying she wanted to go to DL but unlike the others in the conversation she didn't have an annual pass. So I gave her a ticket. We went in a group of 4 girls and had fun before Renee moved to Utah. I still had Justin's ticket and back in July he was coming out for a visit. We set a date to go and everything. Well on his drive here from Idaho his car broke down. He didn't make it to CA that week. In the meanwhile shortly after we had gone with Sharon and stuff my Mom won tickets of her own so she had 4 tickets. so for awhile now she has been considering who to take and when to go etc. Finally she decided she wanted to go with us. My little sister and myself both have a pass so her and Rhonda and Denise would need tickets and she had one more. She invited her sister (my aunt Linda) to join. But the problem was picking a date to go. My nephews would both be free because they are under 3 years old. If we went on a weekday because school just started Denise wouldn't be able to go, and Rhonda would need the day off from a job she just started. The only day my aunt could go would be a fri or sat because of her work schedule but if we went on Fri she would be super tired and not have gotten any sleep since shes on the night shift. So we were aiming for a Sat. Deann had her gallbladder removed on the 14th. SO a few weeks ago I told my mom "why don't we go on your birthday on the 30th, its a Sat so Rhonda, Denise and Aunt Linda all are already available, its 2 weeks after Deann's surgery so she should be moving around better to tolerate it and its before I am scheduled to return to work." SO that became the plan. But then as it turns out because its the holiday weekend Deann and I both had blackout days on our passes.
Well the tickets my Mom and I both had were to expire on the 15th of Sept. SO we needed to use them. I got ahold of Justin to see if he knew when he would be rescheduling his trip yet, but he said unfortunately with work, and just starting school he didn't think he would be able to make it to CA. But he let me know Matt was coming. Well last year I had promised Matt and another friend Peter both tickets when I had won them before. But neither had made it in time either. So I talked to Matt and he was coming to CA but didn't think he had time in his visit for DL. SO I ended up using my ticket and Deann got a blackout day ticket for the park. It all worked out and we all went to DL yesterday! Woohoo................
My knee was hurting before we even left in the morning. I had already planned on renting a wheelchair, but now I knew for sure I would need one. We got out of the house later than planned and so the disagreements began. Rhonda and I had been fighting last weekend. But then I left and went fishing. I was thinking the fact that we didn't see each other for 4 days would be a good way for us both to chill out and settle down a bit. Well from the time I got back she was still giving me an attitude. She would walk across the room and ask my mom to hold my nephew when she went to make a bottle, when I was sitting right next to her and stuff like that. She barely said two words to me once I was home. Anything she did say or do was done with attitude! It was frustrating! I thought we were older and wiser. But apparently only one of us has grown up in life. So I prayed for strength and comfort and to be able to keep my temper under control. I prayed that we would be able to go to DL and have fun and be loving and less contentious. Well I did pretty well but my sister continued to give me an attitude and stuff. It really upset me. Nobody would listen to what I had to say about which rides we should go to or how we got in line and stuff when they would ask me the questions nobody seemed to care about the responses. So I was in pain, trying to keep my temper in check, and felt like I was being ignored. It was hard and I was getting more and more frustrated as the day went on. It was really hard. Then it seemed like they were being kind of hypocritical. I wanted to go into my favorite store since we were right there and look around and my mom said something about we could come back after going to CA adventure. But then when I was done and we were going to CA Adv. they all stopped in a different store! UGH!! Then they stopped to get pineapple ice cream. SO I was getting pretty upset. But instead of saying anything or arguing I bit my tongue and was crying. So that was that. It pretty much continued like this for most of the day.
Another thing that kinda upset me was my aunt made a comment while we were waiting in the wheelchair line for Splash mountain about "cheating" because I said I was trying to get into the line before the other wheelchairs. I questioned her about how is that cheating trying to get in front of other in line and she said something about using a wheelchair! It felt like to me she was accusing me of not needing the wheelchair at all! Luckily for me Denise heard the conversation and stood up for me before I even had the chance to retaliate. She told my aunt that I couldn't walk the park that I was crying in pain before we had even left the house. This was especially upsetting because this week while I was up north I went to visit with my aunt Barbara a little while and she commented to me about how my knee must not be hurting much because I walked down the stairs too easily at her house. I had gone down her front steps a little too fast because they were smaller steps so I wasn't thinking and I actually did irritate my knee when I went down them but I didn't express it outwardly. Then because she asked me to I went with her to the store and while we were there she was lecturing me about how I should stay off my knee and stuff and I told her that I could sit at home on the couch just as easily as on the fishing boat and she said "what about now?" I wanted to say "you are the one who brought me to the store, otherwise I would be off of it!" but I didn't say it!
So twice this week by my own family I felt like I was being judged and as if I was faking it! Its really hard for me to think they think that of me! I am not that kind of person! I want my knee to be better and at to be working more than anything else in the world right now and it scares me to death that I cannot be there! I get my first injection on Weds afternoon and I am supposed to be returning to work next week and unfortunatly I am going to have to tell them that its getting worse and that I won't be able to return yet so I need another note. Unless the injection is a mircale drug and I am better in 5 days from the first shot! But I have a feeling it isn't going to work that way!
Well I am not sure what else I can say. I did have some fun at DL but not as much as usually when I am with friends and not being treated like a nobody. When I am not judged for my disability and when people are talking to me like a human and not treating me like a piece of dirt on their shoe! I wish things were different and I am only one person so I cannot change the world but I am sure going to try and be more positive! I am going to try and pull through. I have this song on a Reba CD that I have been listening to. its called "Room to Breathe" its geared more towards a boyfriend or significant other but I really think the chorus applies to how I feel right now.
Here is the complete song lyrics:
You ain’t done nothing wrong
But I think we need to talk
You might be the one but before we go too far
I need a little time, to figure out my heart
Who could ask for more
But I need to know for sure
I haven’t been myself from the minute that we met
I ran into your world and kinda walked out on myself
All those dreams I had I begin to second guess
For you
One too many questions
Until I know the truth
I need Room to breathe
A little time to think
To make sure I don’t lose me
I need room to breathe
I know you’re not to blame
And I swear there’s no one new
This has to do with me
And not a thing to do with you
So don’t try to understand
You don’t have a thing to prove to me
If you really love me
Just give me what I need
Room to breathe
A little time to think
To make sure I don’t lose me
I need room to breathe
Please don’t take this wrong
and please don’t turn away I just don’t
Want to look back one day and say
I need room to breathe
A little time to think
To make sure I don’t lose me
I need room to breathe
Room to breathe
Thursday, August 28, 2008
The one that got away....
Well it's Thurs morning. I came to Denair, CA on Tues. (right outside Turlock, CA) and Tues night we went to Lake McClure with the boat. We stopped and got some bait and hot dogs for dinner (we had a small camping stove) and we were gone. We got to the lake at about 6:30 I think.... we put the boat in the water and there was some deer by the dock....I took some pictures but I don't know how they will look.... and right about now you are probably thinking "Renee has a digital camera why wouldn't she see the pictures?" Well here's the story about that... while driving up here to Denair I had my camera out and on my passenger seat so that during the drive I could take scenery pictures etc.... and I took a few, I also took a few when I was having lunch with some friends when I stopped to eat... well I got here and we got our stuff ready to go and I forgot to put my camera back in my purse... so at the bait shop I got one of the disposable cameras. So then because I only had the one I didn't get to take many lake pictures and stuff and play around like I normally would because I only had 27 exposures to use.... so I took two pictures of the 4 deer on the mountain... but I didn't have a zoom....I don't know how they will look.... back to the fishing now! So we are in the boat and my cousin showed me a little bit how to drive the boat, just incase something happened to him where I would be stuck and need to drive it myself (I didn't actually do any driving of the boat, he just showed me the controls) then we went around the lake a little and he showed me the old train tunnel that is now sometimes covered in water when the lake levels get high enough and some houses nearby and stuff and we went around pretty quick and felt the breeze as we flew across the water at higher speeds. It was really nice. Then we went to the spot he knew was usually good for catching fish near the dam. he showed me how to bait my hook and we put our lines in the water.
Now before we left he told me that nobody ever catches any fish until he drinks some beer. I told him I wasn't drinking anything... he said just a sip, and his wife said just let it touch your lips. I didn't even want to do that. So at the bait shop I bought a root beer. I told him it has "beer" in the title and was the closest I would get. SO as we were driving around the lake getting close to where we were going to fish he was like "you'd better start drinking your beer" (he added emphasis when he said it, thus the italics) So I drank my beer. It was about 7pm when we started "fishing". a couple hours later we started bbq'ing and I don't remember if it was just before that or just after that Robbie caught a small bass. Now in this area you are not allowed to keep any bass unless they are at least 15inches long so he had to release him back. He gave me a hard time and said I was supposed to be the first one to catch anything... oh well :) we ate and we waited some more. It was such a beautiful day the temperature was nice and it wasn't windy or anything. Now of course we were "roughing" it so to speak on the boat. There are no bathrooms and so if you have to go there is a bucket, you take the bucket to the front and everyone looks away and you take care of business. After that you dump in the lake and "rinse" the bucket. I had decided that even though I have bucket pee'd before I would wait until I couldn't wait anymore to use the bucket. It was getting later and was close to ten and I was thinking I would wait until 10 tp use the bucket. But in the back of my mind I kept thinking that as soon as I was on the bucket that my line would get a bite. I kept waiting. It was after 10 now and I was still waiting. As I was getting closer to wanting the bucket I got a bite. WHen I finally saw something pull my line I was like "oh oh oh oh" and until I started to get up to get my pole Robbie thought my knee was hurting! He was making fun of my noises after the fact. Well as it turns out he was the one that got away! But he put up a mighty good fight and got most of my worm! Man you should've seen him! I didn't see him, but you should've :) So we rebaited my line and got it back in the water, I grabbed the bucket and about 5 min after the first bite (and after I was done with the bucket) I got another bite.... "oh oh oh" now we were fishing! This one didn't get away!! It was a small trout, probably close to the size of Robbies bass but maybe just a hair smaller. We got him in, I took a few pictures with my fish (I named him Timothy Trout) and we were still fishing. I caught Timothy about 10:45pm. We stayed out until about 12:15 when RObbie started cleaning up fishing stuff and we headed back. I had thought I might have had a couple more bites, but if I did they got away too! So we headed back to load the boat and we waited for someone else who didnt seem to know how to load their boat on the trailer right so we waited... finally we got ours on and we were heading home. We got home about 2am and went to sleep. Yesterday Robbie cut the filet's off my fish for me (he had told me I would have to clean my own fish, but apparantly since I only caught one he took pity on me?? I don't really know) but before he did I took some more pictures with Timothy Trout and this time it was with my digital camera! then as he cut Timothy I took pictures.... then we rinsed the filet's and put him in a ziploc and got rid of the rest. Since we only brought home one small fish and there was to be 7 of us eating they got some out of the freezer they had caught previous times and we still had fish for dinner. Robbie fried little Timothy... I got pictures of that... and a picture of my taking my first bite. My mom says its rude of me to name my fish than eat him... but this was the first time I was to eat something I caught myself not storebought or whatever and so even though its weird I think it made it easier for me. I would never think of living on a farm and naming pigs, or chickens or whatever I was planning on eating. I could never raise something as a pet and than eat it. I didn't name timothy until the morning when we were taking pictures. By then because he had been in the ice chest he was already frozen so I think its completely different. If you want to think less of me for naming a dead fish before I eat it... so what! I can't stop you! But people name their recipes and specialty meals they prepare so if its a hamburger or something isn't that the same thing??
Anyways it was good eating! RObbie says I can come back to go fishing anytime I want. He even said if I come closer to the winter like late Oct early Nov before it gets too cold that he would take me to the Delta where we can catch the BIG fish. Huge sturgeons and such! THat would be fun! I would have the potential to catch a fish as big/tall as me and stuff! So depending on what happens with my knee and such I plan to do that! I think it would be great! But this time I am not leaving my camera in the car :)
Well the doctors office finally called me yesterday that they got my medication in for my injections. SO I called to set up an appointment to get it.... Fri they are all booked up, so I asked about afternoon today and they were booked. Mon is the holiday and Tues they are bookd. SO I don't even get my 1st injection until Weds afternoon!! All the trouble I went to and as long as I have waited already and its more waiting for me now! Oh well. It means I get to stay another night here and tonight we are going to my UNcles house and having a BBQ/ pool party. My other cousin is coming as well with his wife and two girls and RObbie and Deneen and the other kids are coming. SO it will be fun. Tomorrow I drive home and Sat we are all going to Disneyland for my Mom's birthday! Lotsa fun! For now I gotta shower and go shopping. I am making the macaroni salad for tonight and picking up the beef for RObbie to make burgers (apparantly he has some delicious recipe for burgers)....
So incase you were wondering, even though we spent like 6 hours fishing and only brought one fish home to eat, I am not sad because you should've seen the one that got away!!!!!
Now before we left he told me that nobody ever catches any fish until he drinks some beer. I told him I wasn't drinking anything... he said just a sip, and his wife said just let it touch your lips. I didn't even want to do that. So at the bait shop I bought a root beer. I told him it has "beer" in the title and was the closest I would get. SO as we were driving around the lake getting close to where we were going to fish he was like "you'd better start drinking your beer" (he added emphasis when he said it, thus the italics) So I drank my beer. It was about 7pm when we started "fishing". a couple hours later we started bbq'ing and I don't remember if it was just before that or just after that Robbie caught a small bass. Now in this area you are not allowed to keep any bass unless they are at least 15inches long so he had to release him back. He gave me a hard time and said I was supposed to be the first one to catch anything... oh well :) we ate and we waited some more. It was such a beautiful day the temperature was nice and it wasn't windy or anything. Now of course we were "roughing" it so to speak on the boat. There are no bathrooms and so if you have to go there is a bucket, you take the bucket to the front and everyone looks away and you take care of business. After that you dump in the lake and "rinse" the bucket. I had decided that even though I have bucket pee'd before I would wait until I couldn't wait anymore to use the bucket. It was getting later and was close to ten and I was thinking I would wait until 10 tp use the bucket. But in the back of my mind I kept thinking that as soon as I was on the bucket that my line would get a bite. I kept waiting. It was after 10 now and I was still waiting. As I was getting closer to wanting the bucket I got a bite. WHen I finally saw something pull my line I was like "oh oh oh oh" and until I started to get up to get my pole Robbie thought my knee was hurting! He was making fun of my noises after the fact. Well as it turns out he was the one that got away! But he put up a mighty good fight and got most of my worm! Man you should've seen him! I didn't see him, but you should've :) So we rebaited my line and got it back in the water, I grabbed the bucket and about 5 min after the first bite (and after I was done with the bucket) I got another bite.... "oh oh oh" now we were fishing! This one didn't get away!! It was a small trout, probably close to the size of Robbies bass but maybe just a hair smaller. We got him in, I took a few pictures with my fish (I named him Timothy Trout) and we were still fishing. I caught Timothy about 10:45pm. We stayed out until about 12:15 when RObbie started cleaning up fishing stuff and we headed back. I had thought I might have had a couple more bites, but if I did they got away too! So we headed back to load the boat and we waited for someone else who didnt seem to know how to load their boat on the trailer right so we waited... finally we got ours on and we were heading home. We got home about 2am and went to sleep. Yesterday Robbie cut the filet's off my fish for me (he had told me I would have to clean my own fish, but apparantly since I only caught one he took pity on me?? I don't really know) but before he did I took some more pictures with Timothy Trout and this time it was with my digital camera! then as he cut Timothy I took pictures.... then we rinsed the filet's and put him in a ziploc and got rid of the rest. Since we only brought home one small fish and there was to be 7 of us eating they got some out of the freezer they had caught previous times and we still had fish for dinner. Robbie fried little Timothy... I got pictures of that... and a picture of my taking my first bite. My mom says its rude of me to name my fish than eat him... but this was the first time I was to eat something I caught myself not storebought or whatever and so even though its weird I think it made it easier for me. I would never think of living on a farm and naming pigs, or chickens or whatever I was planning on eating. I could never raise something as a pet and than eat it. I didn't name timothy until the morning when we were taking pictures. By then because he had been in the ice chest he was already frozen so I think its completely different. If you want to think less of me for naming a dead fish before I eat it... so what! I can't stop you! But people name their recipes and specialty meals they prepare so if its a hamburger or something isn't that the same thing??
Anyways it was good eating! RObbie says I can come back to go fishing anytime I want. He even said if I come closer to the winter like late Oct early Nov before it gets too cold that he would take me to the Delta where we can catch the BIG fish. Huge sturgeons and such! THat would be fun! I would have the potential to catch a fish as big/tall as me and stuff! So depending on what happens with my knee and such I plan to do that! I think it would be great! But this time I am not leaving my camera in the car :)
Well the doctors office finally called me yesterday that they got my medication in for my injections. SO I called to set up an appointment to get it.... Fri they are all booked up, so I asked about afternoon today and they were booked. Mon is the holiday and Tues they are bookd. SO I don't even get my 1st injection until Weds afternoon!! All the trouble I went to and as long as I have waited already and its more waiting for me now! Oh well. It means I get to stay another night here and tonight we are going to my UNcles house and having a BBQ/ pool party. My other cousin is coming as well with his wife and two girls and RObbie and Deneen and the other kids are coming. SO it will be fun. Tomorrow I drive home and Sat we are all going to Disneyland for my Mom's birthday! Lotsa fun! For now I gotta shower and go shopping. I am making the macaroni salad for tonight and picking up the beef for RObbie to make burgers (apparantly he has some delicious recipe for burgers)....
So incase you were wondering, even though we spent like 6 hours fishing and only brought one fish home to eat, I am not sad because you should've seen the one that got away!!!!!
Monday, August 25, 2008
Going Fishing
I am so glad I am leaving tomorrow to go fishing! In fact I wish I would've left today like I had originally planned because I just got into another fight with my sister! I am so stressed out right now and cannot wait to get away from her! I feel so bad for my nephew because she treats him so badly.. it seems like all she does is yell at him and since he has gotten home today (he was gone with my parents most of the day) he has been playing with me when she wasn't yelling at him! We were singing and dancing to Disney music earlier and all she did was give me dirty looks while he was laughing and playing and having fun! Then he was in my room with me while I was folding and putting away my laundry and then tonight after getting into another fight with her he came in my room and was having fun with me so she came and took him out (because he likes being with me more than her..... gee I wonder why miss yell-a-mom!) I hate that I was fighting with her because it makes me think things I shouldnt be thinking like keying her car and such! I wanted to say things to her that shouldn't be said (and that I normally wouldnt say...but she would) but I held my tongue. I have tried to do that to just walk away and come into my room so she came after me and kicked my door and knocked my mirror off.... so then my nephew came and was kicking my door as well before he came in and was playing in here..... I wish I could get out of here! But I wont be leaving anytime soon! Especially if my thoughts are right that I might be having surgery again! I miss working and being away from all the crap at home! My mom was trying to convince me today that I shouldnt go fishing because my knee has been sore and stuff but I really need to get out of the house. She even suggested that I should ask my other sister to go with me. I asked but she has a doctors appointment which I was kinda glad about because I really wanted to get away on my own and be able to have fun and relax! It will be nice to see my family there and be away from the house for a couple days! I really want to stay until Fri but I will probably come home Thurs so that I can get my knee injection on Fri.... we shall see! I just know I can't wait!!!
Scared.....
OK so I've been out of work since June 19th because of having re-injured my knee. I am supposed to go back around Sept 8th.... but I am beginnning to doubt whether or not that will happen! I have been still geting sore and these past few days it seems to be increasing again! Its so frustrating and is really starting to scare me! At my last doctors appointment he basically told me that I don't have many choices that because there had been a previous injury to my acl that even though it's attached it is basically unstable and so increased activity can easily aggravate it. He told me that one of the only ways to fix that is by surgery. He said that its an option they don't usually like to consider unless absolutely neccessary because the surgery would be a complete acl repair and that the operation would be more involved than my previous one, and that it would require a more difficult and longer recovery time.... he said that because I had already tried a cortisone type injection without any major improvement that I could try some newer gel like injection that would be a series of 3 injections a week apart from each other. He asked what I wanted to do and I said I just wanted to be able to go back to work.... we decided on trying the injections.... well its been several weeks and I havent even had my first one yet because they havent recieved the medication yet from the insurance company. When I called on Mon the doctors office called the pharmacy agency that was supposed to be shipping the medication and they had no record of me as a patient in their system and so that was why they hadn't shipped the meds..... SO my dr's office gave them my info and I figured I would've heard form the doctors later in the week to schedule my first injection. Instead on Fri I recieved a phone call from the pharmacy company to verify my birthdate and so forth!! Why it took them 5 days to call and verify is beyond my imagination! Then the guys tells me after confirming my info that he has to call the dr's office before he can ship it to them!!!!! Can I say UGH?? So I asked him how long before my dr should have the meds and he said no later than Tues. Which I guess since I am out of work and all that should eb fine and dandy... except I planned to go up north and visit family this week and on Tues night I am going fishing! So I am really hoping they have the meds by Mon afternoon so that either late Mon or first thign Tues I can go get my first injection! I need to leave no later than lunchtime on Tues to go up north and wasn't planning on returning till Thurs or Fri.... but I have waited this long so I don't want to have to postpone the injection any longer than I have to! So I am hoping I can get it before going fishing! But considering my continued increased pain again I have a feeling they are going to be pretty ineffective like the cortisone! I don't really want another surgery but I have a feeling thats the road I am about to travel!~ At first I was telling my mom the other day that maybe if it came down to needing another surgery, that I could go back to work and then wait until the beginning of next year and start all over with disability and such... but I know I cannot work with it being the way it is especially if its anything like it was earlier! Its way too risky! It wouldnt be smart for me or for my partner or my patients! Plus if I do it before the end of this year I wont have to pay my $1500 insurance deductible again and since I am already out of work I can get it fixed and go back hopefully healthy as a beaver....
So I am a little scared... that I may need another operation, that I may have injured my knee way too much and it wont ever get better! That even if it does get better that in the long run I won't be able to return to working as an EMT! I love my job so much and am starting to consider other posibilities! I hate that I have to but I am starting to feel as if I have no choice! It's a scary road I am on but I know that I need to travel it with faith and with patience and that I will be guided along the way!
So I am a little scared... that I may need another operation, that I may have injured my knee way too much and it wont ever get better! That even if it does get better that in the long run I won't be able to return to working as an EMT! I love my job so much and am starting to consider other posibilities! I hate that I have to but I am starting to feel as if I have no choice! It's a scary road I am on but I know that I need to travel it with faith and with patience and that I will be guided along the way!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
UGH
I cannot stand it when people are disrespectful! Even more so when on top of that they are constantly unappreciative! My sister is completely oblivious to all that is done in her behalf and rarely ever says thank you and never shows any respect towards others! I can't stand it anymore! My mom does so much for her and I do a lot too regarding my nephews and such and she doesn't even say thanks! Like for instance my mom made a comment the other day that my sister said my parents can take my nephew for a haircut whenever they want because she can't afford to! Well neither can my parents really and they are providing free board and childcare and so forth for my sister and my nephews to begin with and she doesn't even help with household chores! SO I decided even though I couldn't really afford it either my nephew needed a haircut so I took him on his bday and got him one... did I get a thank you?? NO WAY!! Than this morning we got into an argument because she doesn't even take care of her dog (who is basically suffering a slow death and she doesn't seem to care) and she was saying that my dog is stupid acting as if hers is perfect but she doesn't even take care of her dog. Its so frustrating, basically she said my dog hadn't been out all night and I said before you make a comment like that you should verify the facts because I took my dog out at 3 am before I went to sleep! She rarely goes out and feeds or gives water to her dog it's usually my mom who does so (and me on occasion like the other day) her dog is 14 years old, is going deaf (if not already completely so) has a tumor on her breast that seems to be getting bigger and my sister doesn't do anything about it! Its really sad and I feel bad for her dog! Mine may not always listen and he barks a lot when people walk by outside or whatever but thats what he is supposed to do! Anyways she is always like this and I am tired of it! I can't stand that she disrespects me constantly and never says thank you for anything that people do for her! Maybe one day she will move out and really learn how much is done on her behalf!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Distances....
I forgot to put in my last blog the distances for the river tubing..... I clocked the mileage the next day in my car when I had to drive back to the shell station across the street from the park to buy ice and water..... I know its slightly different for the road than the river based on how each turns and such but its just an approximate anyway:
From the campsite to the park 5.5 miles
from the campsite to where I got out of the river 4.5 miles
where I got out of the water to where I hiked to the road .2 miles (hiking)
Walking on the road to where I got picked up .5 (1/2) mile (walking)
Where I got picked up to the park .3 miles (driven in a car)
So basically I spent about 4.5 miles on the river and about 3/4 miles hiking/walking from there and got picked up about a quarter mile from the park.....
Fun times!!! :)
From the campsite to the park 5.5 miles
from the campsite to where I got out of the river 4.5 miles
where I got out of the water to where I hiked to the road .2 miles (hiking)
Walking on the road to where I got picked up .5 (1/2) mile (walking)
Where I got picked up to the park .3 miles (driven in a car)
So basically I spent about 4.5 miles on the river and about 3/4 miles hiking/walking from there and got picked up about a quarter mile from the park.....
Fun times!!! :)
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