The Hot Pink Pearl

Ok so way back when I wrote a blog about my wheelchair. I had gotten a great deal on a really nice wheelchair. Then I gave it some personalization and upgrades. (see that blog HERE if you'd like.) I also added after that posting a Pirate flag to the front of the seat as well as my mom and I made a bag that would hang on the back of the chair so I could put stuff in it. I also created a cup holder above the bag so that I would have something to hold my drink as well as the drink of any person who might be with and/or pushing me. Here are the pictures of the additions. Also I didn't update that blog but as it turns out the color of the wheels match the color that they painted the gates outside CA Adventure when they re-did it. At the time that I painted my chair the entrance to CA Adv. was blocked off so I had no idea what they were doing or what color they were using. Pretty cool! I also later eventually got some footrests for that chair. So it was perfect. I had a fun colored wheelchair with a nice bag, drink holders and finally footrests. I hate that I cannot stand to walk that long, but if I am going to sit in a chair I would prefer to do so in style. Thus I "pimped my wheelchair" I really miss the days when I could walk around Disneyland or anywhere else for more than a few hours without pain! I miss hiking and all kinds of other activities I cannot handle now. I miss being at the park and talking with whoever I am with because I have learned that when you're with more than one other person and you're in a chair you tend to get ignored a little because they're both standing making eye contact and talking while you're below them and in front of them so you're forgotten a little. I really wish I had never messed up my knee! But I know I have grown thru this trial especially after 3 knee surgeries!

 Flash forward to the past few weeks. I am on a group on Facebook that is called Simi Goods Exchange. It is similar to Craigslist where people are buying and selling items. But it is primarily people who live in Simi valley and since it's through people who know each other on FB it's not open to as many people so it's slightly safer. The group was started by my neighbor. Now of course I have spent more than I have sold, but I have gotten some cool stuff at really good prices. So I cannot complain too much (except for the fact that i am spending money) Anyway someone awhile back had posted a wheelchair. It's a simple model was all black and not as fancy as my chair. But it is a little bit bigger. Now obviously I fit in my chair but it is a little snug as it isn't a typical standard size chair. I checked how much she wanted for it, thinking that if I bought it I could tranfer my wheels and flag and then sell my other one on Craigslist or somewhere and get my money back maybe plus some profit (since my wheelchair is fancier and worth more) but she wanted $75. I didn't really want to pay that much and I didn't want to low-ball her an offer knowing that I would most likely sell mine for more than that. Well then at least a few weeks go by. My sister Denise gave us her old couches as she was getting some newer ones from her in-laws. Now my mom didn't really need the recliner she was using anymore. It was electric and I bought it prob close to a year ago from craigslist for like $40. I posted it on Simi Goods for $25. As it turns out the girl who wanted to buy it was the one who had been selling the wheelchair. She hadn't really gotten any other interest in it and asked me if I would be willing to trade the recliner for the WC. I said sure. So we traded.

So now I have 2 WC's. The second WC does have a bigger seat and although it's not as fancy as my first one I didn't really need all the fancy features on the other chair anyway. I put the 2nd chair in the garage knowing that I didn't really have time to do much to it, plus Deann still had my other chair in her trunk anyway. ... well last week I got my chair from D's trunk and decided to start transferring stuff. I took off my Pirate flag and had put it onto the back of the new chair. It didn't really fit the way it did on the first chair. :-( So then I took off one wheel from each chair to exchange them. The wheels were the same size, everything looked good so I started to switch them..... I ran into a problem.... UGH

As it turned out although the wheels are the same size, the bolts holding the wheels onto the frame as well as the bearing in the wheel itself were different sizes. So I thought about getting new bolts in the alternating sizes so that I could still exchange the wheels but realized that may not work right. One needed longer fatter bolts, and the other needed shorter skinnier bolts. So although I knew I could probably get new bolts in the same sizes with the alternating lengths from what I needed they may not work right. Because now the chair that initially had the larger bolts, the bolt would sit loose in the frame (although it would fit right in the bearing) and that may cause problems while going. Then the one with the larger bearings with the smaller bolt to fit the frame, the bolt would be loose in the chair/bearing....again possibly causing problems.  (If this paragraph doesn't make sense I am sorry, ignore it and move on...basically I couldn't change the wheels because of the bolts)

So now I knew I needed to leave things the way they were, my pirate flag didn't fit and the wheels were not switchable. I knew I wanted to go ahead and keep the larger sized chair but now it was going to be boring. I knew it wasn't too hard to paint the wheels and that It was only like $10 for the paint so I figured I would pimp my new chair now instead. I could still sell the initial chair I would just have to post it with the green wheels. I liked my green wheels especially since I unknowingly painted them the same color as the entrance gates. But I thought if I was going to do a new chair maybe I should change it up a bit. I started thinking about things and thought maybe Hot Pink was the way to go. .... I know they do a lot of "party" type stuff in the parks (especially CA Adv) involving black lights and so with Flourescent Colors my wheels would "glow" :-) That decision was made! I went to Lowe's and bought some spray paint! Woohoo!

I thought about adding some fabric around my pirate flag so that it would fit properly on the seat back. I was also thinking I needed to try and tie in the color of my bag (I have more of that fabric) along with some new fabric so that the wheels would coordinate with the seat and the bag somehow. I found a fabric in the garage (in our stockpile) that I liked and would work. I laid it on the seat and seat back and left it there a bit. After awhile I decided it was too busy of a print and wouldn't work to my liking. I thought maybe I could find something else pirate-y to coordinate with my flag so that i could still use the flag somehow. I got online and looked up Joanns. I searched fabric for "pirate" and found a fabric called "hair bow pirate"

Hair Bow Pirate is a repeating pattern of the skull & crossbones and periodically a skull has a pink hair bow on it's head! I loved it the moment I saw it! I knew the pirates would work and the pink would match the wheels! So on Mon during my lunch break I went and bought 2 yards! Monday night I created a seat cover for the chair. It is removable with a zipper in the back. (part of why I needed to do a seat cover was the seat fabric was slightly faded) Then last night I did a cover for the seat back. The seat back is done differently and basically slips over the top and the handlbars so it comes down just a little on the top of the seat back. Then it drops down behind the seat and I brought up the bottom just a little and it wraps around the bottom of the seat back. So it too is removable for washing etc if needed.

I may take the pirate flag and some of the leftover hair bow fabric and wrap part of the bag for the back of the chair. I am not sure yet. I don't want to make it too busy... But I do want it to coordinate. So we will see. Or I may take just the hair bow fabric and cover just the top of the bag. ... I haven't done anything yet. I think I like the idea of just the top of the bag because it is kind of a lot. Prior to beginning any work on my chair I was on FB chatting with my friend Jen who is currently living in FL. I told her about my ideas with painting the wheels hot pink  and she said she was going to name my chair Hot Pink Pearl. I am not one who usually names my cars etc. but once I found the hair bow pirate fabric and worked on my chair expecially once I got the wheels on and saw just how Hot Pink they are... I decided it really FITS! So my new chair is the Hot Pink Pearl! I cannot wait for my next Disneyland trip and it's maiden voyage!

Dreaming, wishing and hoping

Wishing, hoping, dreaming. I think that we all have our expectations in life. We grow up with fairy tales (especially the girls) about “wishing on a star” or other things. We all think of ourselves as a Princess and wait for our Prince Charming. Maybe we are expecting a knight in shining armor or some other form of perfect man… But today I kind of have felt as if maybe I need to let some of my dreams take a back burner. Maybe some of my hopes are not what they should be. Am I wishing for something that isn’t really there? I don’t want to go into too many details but I just have begun to realize one dream that is maybe a little too far-fetched, or it seems like it right now. I guess I have held onto a hope that I am beginning to wonder if it’s worth holding onto.

There are many Disney songs (again with the Princess’) they tell us “When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are. When you wish upon a star your dreams come true” Or there is Snow White who sings

“I'm wishing (I'm wishing)
For the one I love
To find me (to find me)
Today (today)
I'm hoping (I'm hoping)
And I'm dreaming of
The nice things (the nice things)
He'll say”

Princess Aurora in Sleeping Beauty sings:

“I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream.
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
Yes, I know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
the way you did once upon a dream”

 during this song she meets Prince Phillip walking in the forest and they sing together

I think of Jasmine and Aladdin singing  “A Whole New World. Shining shimmering splendid” and I love when in Beauty and the Beast as they start to really see who each other are inside and begin to fall in love and Mrs Potts starts to sing “There may be something there that wasn’t there before” and little Chip just doesn’t understand “what’s there mama?” Or Belle as she singsNew, and a bit alarming, Who'd have ever thought that this could be. True that he's no Prince Charming, but there's something in him that I simply didn't see. " or in the street as she sings about her book “Oh, isn't this amazing?

                It's my fav'rite part because you'll see

                Here's where she meets Prince Charming

                But she won't discover that it's him 'til chapter three 

(Belle is really my favorite Princess)

I think they are great messages. Messages of love and hope and of great things to come. But then there are people who aren’t meant to find “true love” who maybe won’t meet their “Prince Charming” in this life. What if I am one of those people? Maybe I am not meant to get married and have a family? What if I am destined just to be the favorite Aunt? I don’t think that is the case, but from time to time (days like today) I start to wonder.

I begin to think of all my faults, and I look at my life and wonder when things are going to change? What will I be doing when my life changes in the Love department? Will I be reading a book in the “town square” Days like today I begin to think less of the dreams of love and I start feeling like I am with the Goonies at the bottom of the well, when Mouth says “Yeah, but you know what? [holds up a coin] This one, this one right here... this was my dream, my wish. And it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back”

I know I shouldn’t let things get to me, afterall just over a week ago I was feeling like a celebrity because the In N Out guy gave me extra fries. But then today I am starting to feel as if I will never get another date or get married. I am not sure why my emotions go to such extremes. I guess what they say is somewhat true. That Disney can give us “Princesses” too high of an expectation, and the truth is I don’t even see myself as a Princess.  I am not expecting to be walking through the forest singing and have some Prince come up behind me singing as well. I don’t think I will find my fairy Godmother who will rescue me and send me to the ball. But I would like a guy to surprise me and “sweep me off my feet”—figuratively. I guess I was just expecting it to happen by now and so today has become one of those days where I doubt myself.

I guess today I am feeling a lot like Sally in the Nightmare Before Christmas (although she isn’t considered a Disney Princess), her song is one of my favorites:

I sense there's something in the wind
That seems like tragedy's at hand
And though I'd like to stand by him
Can't shake this feeling that I have
The worst is just around the bend

I can realate especially to this part:
And does he notice my feelings for him?
And will he see how much he means to me?
I think it's not to be

What will become of my dear friend?
Where will his actions lead us then?
Although I'd like to join the crowd
In their enthusiastic cloud
Try as I may, it doesn't last

And in the final chorus:
And will we ever end up together?
no, I think not, it's never to become
For I am not the one

Today I guess I started to feel as if “I am not the one”

Maybe I need to keep thinking of Cinderella… I need to remember to keep believing, afterall:

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

My Twin Comes to Town

Ok so I often get funny looks when I speak of my close friend Renee. After-all Renee is not a super common name. I can really only remember going to school with one other Renee. My older sister has a friend named Renee and other than that I haven't known too many that I can recall. Well as it turns out I do have a super close friend named Renee. We met through church and over the years we have become so close we call each other our twin! I mean we do share the same name so why shouldn't we?

We have also been known to be called Renee Squared, and depending on who we're with we switch between being Renee 1 or Renee 2. Obviously if we're at my house or in a situation where most of the people know me first I am Renee 1. But when with her family or situation she is Renee 1 and I am #2. It somehow works itself out. Except there is the occasional time when someone says "Renee" and we both say what. That usually causes a good laugh.

Well a few years ago Renee moved to Salt Lake City. So unfortunately we don't get to hang out as often as before.... It is really sad because we tend to have a lot of fun together. When we road-trip we read books out loud together. We joke and have a good time, and at one point she even had a Disneyland Annual Pass as well! It was great (although I am beginning to think she enjoyed it more for the churros than my company) Just kidding!

Well in  June was her birthday and I being lame-o totally forgot! Which is not like me at all.. I typically am well prepared for birthdays and have cards mailed on just the right day for the card to arrive on the birthday etc. But I slacked this year. I am going to blame it on a mix of the vacation I took at the time, the new job and I am not really sure what else may have played a part in it! But I decided I would make it up to her. Knowing she was coming out this month I had decided to take her to see the Cirque Du Soleil show Iris that is now permanent at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood. I told her I wanted to do something for her while she would be here visiting and she re-assured me she would have some nights free so we could work it out.

We decided to go on Weds night and I ordered the tickets. We were not in the most expensive seats but they were in a really nice location. We drove down in the evening and it happened to me the Expendables 2 premiere at the same time so we got to experience a little bit of a crowd scene but it wasn't too bad. We started out in the "Boutique" (aka gift shop) for the show and as we looked around I knew for sure I wanted to get a program. I looked at the music and such as well  but not having seen the show yet wasn't sure if I would buy anything.

Finally I picked up a few items and asked about the program at the register. She told me they did have them, they were $20 each and that the cd/soundtrack is $15 but they were offering a "combo pack" and so if you bought both together it was only $29 (tax included) ... she then told me that the music was composed and produced by Danny Elfman and asked me if I knew who that was? Of course I know! He did the Nightmare Before Christmas! Plus several others that I LOVE!! She asked me if I wanted to purchase the combo pack and I said "YES, you had me at Danny Elfman!" She told me he even recorded some stuff for the opening scene! AMAZING! Renee also purchase the combo!

We went in and found our seats, It wasn't long before the performers started making their way through the crowd. We were looking at our programs and waiting for the show. It was cool. I was so excited, this was my second Cirque show. I had seen the travelling show Kooza a few years ago with Renee and her family when they took me along with them! That show we were in the front row for! (Sorry Renee I can't afford that!) So far in my 2 Cirque shows I have seen I am hooked! I want to see more! There is another travelling show coming later this year and will be in Long Beach called Dralion that I want to see as well. Maybe I will buy less expensive tickets and take my nephews along! I think they'd enjoy it!

The show was incredible! I really enjoyed it! I wish that we could take pictures but you can't. I guess I could've been like some people and tried to sneak a few shots without using my flash but most of those people still got caught and were told not to take any pictures! I did feel occasionally there were a few spots where too much was going on at one time on stage (or in the air acrobatically) and so it was hard to know where to watch! But awesome none-the-less!

I had asked for Thurs off knowing that I would be getting home late from the show and since Renee was to leave Thurs evening we had also planned a Disney related activity for Thurs. At the Reagan library in July they started a new exhibit, it will be there until April 2013 and we went.... It is a DIsney Treasures/Archive exhibit. Renee had reserved and purchased the tickets online in advance for us (Thanks Renee since I never did pay you back) we went through the Reagan Library and Air Force one as well (all included in one ticket price) which was nice because although I have been to the library a few times and seen some stuff I hadn't actually been thru the library. I love libraries and museums and such! There is actually a Cleopatra exhibit coming upo at the California Science Center I want to go to as well! I went to the King Tut one a few years back! The King Tut one I had received tickets for my birthday for it, maybe I will ask for that again..only Cleopatra this time!

While walking thru the exhibits my knee was starting to hurt of course and while mostly standing still waiting for the line in front of me to move on Air Force One my knee kind of buckled under me! Renee was behind me and noticed and I told her I was ok. But it started getting worse after that! She of course noticed a little later that I was limping more and slowing down. When she asked me if I "kinked" my knee on AF-1 I said "no it kinked itself" it is so frustrating. But I am trying to walk as much as I can since any more physical activity is too much and makes it even worse. I am also trying to  get back on track with watching what I am eating and doing what I can to lose weight. I know that will help but unfortunately I don't think it will completely get rid of the pain. I am pretty sure I did something to it again! After 3 knee surgeries I think I can tell.

The Disney exhibit was awesome and i definitely want to go back again (maybe a few times) before it leaves if I can! I took a ton of pictures! I loved the original artwork and costumes. I loved the scale models they had on display and all the many neat treasures! I am sure there was stuff I missed because I would get distracted and focus on one thing and go to it. I loved that they had the original statues of the 3 hitchhiking ghosts from the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland and what I didn't know they had that I was so excited to see was the original Bride from the ride too with her beating heart! I have told people recently that I missed her on the ride because the holographic one they have now just isn't the same! I probably squealed when I saw her there! I know I did internally! Renee even bought me the "program" booklet thing for there when she ordered our tickets! (Thanks again) so I got that one too! I love getting those and having them as souvenirs because they last and people can see the many shows and places I have gone! It's fun and sometimes they contain stuff that you can't take with you (like pictures from the Iris show)

So that was fun.   I enjoyed getting to spend some time with my Twin! Whenever we can get together I enjoy it. There had been a little bit of talk of us getting to do a road trip this month to Utah but it fell through. I was super bummed! I love road-trips and with my twin it doesn't get any better!

The Celebrity Life

So celebrities occassionally known to say that they neither want nor appreciate being treated differently because they're a celebrity. .. But at the same time we know that is not often the case. They are treated differently. They are given things we "normal folk" are not given. They are in fact treated with "celebrity" status.

Well I am someone who is not normally feeling as if I am the "most beautiful girl in the room" and I definitely don't feel as if I am ever being treated special because of who I am or how I look. But once in awhile you meet someone who does give you a little feel of that celebrity like status.

This may seem like a silly story to some, and maybe I am over-thinking it or over-reacting but it certainly made my night. ... Last week on Mon after work I had a few things to do and also had my weekly church activity. My mom had not gotten any dinner made and so I decided to grab something on the go. After the activity I was running some errands picking up a few things and decided to grab a burger from In N Out for dinner.

As I was pulling into the parking lot I noticed the drive-thru line was a little long (typical really for In N Out) and I needed to use the bathroom so I parked and went in. I ordered my food and asked the cashier if I could leave my cup on the counter and grab it after the bathroom. He told me no problem and that when I came out to just put out my hand with my hand shaped like a "C" and he would provide me with a cup.

After I was done in the restroom I came out and the cashier Justin had a little bit of a line formed, he was also in the middle of taking someone else's order. I stepped to the side and was waiting to get my cup not wanting to interrupt. When he was done taking the order he looked up from the register and noticed me waiting. He handed me a cup and said "you didn't put your hand out" I told him I didn't want to interrupt and I thanked him then I proceeded to get my drink.

After getting my drink I was waiting for my food and sitting off to the side. There was another guy working the fries and finishing the orders. I was waiting and then I saw Justin tell the Fries guy to put extra fries into a bag and he put in the burger than came and called my number 71. I got up and he offered me ketchup for my food I told him no thanks. He smiled and told me to have a great night. I told him thank you and left with my food.

Now like I said it may seem like a silly story or really not that significant to some, but a little part of me thinks maybe he thought I was cute and so he made sure to get me those extra fries and be the one to give me my order at the counter. After-all he was the cashier not the guy who had been filling the bags...

And I am not going to lie he was cute and has beautiful blue eyes. I do love a pair of beautiful eyes and a nice smile. Which he had both! :-) Ahh... as of yet I have not been back to see him again, or to see if I get the celebrity treatment again... but if it happens again I certainly won't be complaining! ... oh and I fully intend to call In N Out and give him a compliment (not for the possible "flirting") but the good customer service with the cup etc. in the first place! I think people need to reward good works more often and complain less!

Simba: The Lion Head Floppy Ear Bunny

Ok so I know many people know Simba as the Lion King. Disney made him the coolest lion to be known. But as we all know the Circle of Life continues and sometimes bunnies are bred with other bunnies and we end up with Lion Head Bunnies! They are called so because of their lion-like mane.

So when you are having changes take place at work and you are now working clerical in another office and that office has a Sargeant with baby bunnies to give away sometimes you see a picture and you're hooked. You spend your weekend buying supplies and building a hutch so then Mon you come home with an 8-week old bunny! Simba is a mix of a Lion head rabbit and a floppy eared. So he will be kinda mid-sized.

Medic is pretty mellow around Simba. 

So meet Simba! I have now had him a few weeks and we are getting to know each other better. I take him out of the hutch almost nightly and we "hang out" he sits on my chest and I pet him. I want him to be used to human contact. The first week or so he slept in a bin with a piece of cage wire over the top in my room. Lately he has been in his hutch even overnight. He seems to like it. He is even starting to "take care of business" in his litter box! (Yes you can litter-box train a rabbit) It's awesome. He is getting bigger and I love him!

If I can get it to attach I will also include some videos, apparently he likes to "burrow" in my chest when I am holding him. Its funny! Oh and sometimes he is "sniffing" and will go up near your ear so it tickles!

His "hutch" is 4'x2'x2' ... it is now sitting on bricks to bring it off the ground.

He tends to sit kind of curled up in a ball but he does have some "length" and in this picture not only do you see his mane a little but also his fluffy tail

Washington DC - The Finale

Ok so it has taken me a little while to get to this last post. I guess partly because of adding all the pictures and partly because of a lot of crazy changes in life and my schedule lately. But here is my final post about my trip... it is for Fri and Sat and sadly my trip home... 


So on Fri morning we had decided to go to Arlington National Cemetery. Arlington was one of the places I for sure wanted to visit while there. I had hoped to go to the Temple as well but unfortunately it didn't work out this trip. So on Fri morning we again walked to the metro and started our day at Arlington. It is amazing how much you can be affected by a cemetery. I knew I would likely get emotional there and I did. When we got there we decided to take their tour instead of walking the entire time. The tour takes you first to the Eternal Flame and drops you off. Then you can take the "tram" to the next stop which is the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and changing of the guards, then the final stop is the Robert Lee home. 


I remember having gone as a child to Washington DC and I know that I saw the WHite House and the memorials and the monuments and so many places that I saw again during this trip, but it's completely different when you're an adult and know the history, knowing the sacrifices and the events behind the places. It was emotional but I loved being at the cemetery. While there I kind of had a strange set of emotions, I was touched by the experience and knowing what I know now, but while there it really made me think a lot about my Dad. Knowing that my Dad is a Vet and that he will be buried in a national cemertery like Arlington really hit me. I was looking at the headstones and suddenly I felt as if I was in Los ANgeles at the National Cemetery there near the VA hospital where he goes. I was suddenly remembering how many times we have come close to losing him. It's bringing tears to my eyes writing about it and thinking of it now. I also seemed to notice a lot of birds on the headstones. For some reason this stood out to me as well. I thought about these birds and how they stood so tall and proud as if they knew the significance of everything as well. Maybe that is a weird thought but it really did seem that way to me.




So we started out at the Eternal Flame. I loved that most of the memorials and places we went in DC had quotes carved in the walls, concrete etc. Especially when they were from former presidents. It was really cool. I think I learned a little more in DC than I did in previous history classes. Or maybe it was just re-freshened in my mind. I have to admit I don't remember as much as I wish I did! I really enjoyed all the "history" parts of my trip. I loved getting to see COllin and Sharon and the kids, but I really do enjoy going to museums and historical landmarks and just exploring/learning! It's incredible how much there is all around us that we can enjoy and learn about on a daily basis! 


As we went to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier I remembered watching a documentary about the guards. It is incredible the sacrifice they're making. I thought a lot about how our Heavenly Father knows the identity of that soldier and all the "unknowns" I wondered if somehow people who may be related or connected to that particular soldier if they can feel his spirit there? If they somehow know they're directly connected to him? I remember seeing the guards and thinking "they're so young" but yet they are incredible servants! What a tremendous experience they're having and what an example they are to so many others. What a great lesson they will be able to teach their families someday. As we finished and were leaving I noticed someone left an empty water bottle with some trash in it on the steps. I was kind of shocked by the lack of reverence of that person. To have witnessed something so touching and yet leave trash there. I am not trying to brag or boast of myself or anything but I picked it up and carried it until I found a trash can. It really made me feel for whoever dropped it, maybe that was me as a kid during my first visit, it was obviously someone who doesn't understand. It seems like such a small thing but it really left me feeling disappointed in humanity a little. I know I haven't always been the best person and I have a lot to learn but I hope that in circumstances like that I am not ignorant to the reality of my experiences. I was truly touched though by the changing of the guards. I almost felt as if I could've stayed there (melting in the heat) all day and been content. Just watching the guards pace and the changing regularly. Speaking of the heat though I was also impressed with the guard, in their uniforms they don't even seem to notice the temperature. I didn't even notice a bead of sweat! And to think rain or shine they're there! Again it is an incredible experience to be there and witness! 




After the Tomb we saw nearby a few other monuments for the space shuttles and other crews that lost their lives in service. It really is an incredible place with so much to see. I am thankful for our service members, past present and future. Even those who don't necessarily see war they have all made a tremendous sacrifice and should be thanked! I don't think that many people really know the significance of military. Unless directly  connected to our service members I wonder if people really understand. 



Then we went up the the Lee house, it is currently under renovation and restoration projects but there was still a good amount to see. There was also some slave quarters and showed their living conditions. I feel bad for the tall slaves because I am not even sure I could fit on their beds. Which didn't even have mattresses so they probably were not super comfortable to begin with! It was all so interesting to see. As we were on the tram back to the "entrance" area with the gift shop etc. I overheard something that made me smile, there was a family sitting behind us with an elderly female and she said something along the lines of "all I really want is a hot dog, we should've eaten lunch by now" Maybe that isn't funny to you but for me it made me laugh a little inside because you wouldn't expect an elderly person to want a hot dog! At least I wasn't expecting it! I mean if it had been a kid it would've seemed more appropriate! I am not sure what I would expect her to ask about for lunch but I guess it wasn't hot dog! 


Speaking of lunch it was already after 2 I think by this time so we were ready for lunch as well. I was feeling a little bit of heat exhaustion I think because I was kinda nauseated, and with the heat I didn't really have much of an appetite, but we went back to the metro and got off at some mall (i think it was a mall) and got sandwiches at a place that I think was called "Pot Belly" or something like that (memory is slipping a little now) but i think that's it because I remember there being a pot belly style stove thing along one wall behind us where we were in line to order our sandwiches. I got a sandwich, some chips, a glass of water and soda. I drank the water before Collin had even paid for his sandwich. We sat and ate. For how I felt I did pretty well eating my sandwich, but saved the chips. Towards the end I kinda pulled some of the bread off so it wasn't so thick. It was tasty. 



We walked from there a few blocks to go to the Thomas Jefferson memorial. I am not sure if I saw that one as a kid or not. But it was really beautiful. It is along the tidal basin and eventually during the trip we walked completely around the basin. We walked around there a bit and then walked from there around the basin to the Franklin D Roosevelt Memorial. Which I think was one of my favorites. Partly because I really enjoyed the quotes they shared of his and it was a bunch of waterfalls. It was really peaceful and inspiring. From FDR we walked to the fairly new (Collin said about 6 months) Martin Luther King Memorial. Walking there we heard a little thunder and got a few rain driplets. I was hoping it would start pouring! It was another hot gross muggy day and the few droplets actually felt nice! It didn't start raining at that time though :-(  Darn it! I was glad we were done after that and heading back to get ready for dinner because my knee was getting really sore by the time we had even hit the FDR Memorial. I felt like I was starting to limp a little.. (and it was a no-cane day... I know I brought it and should've been using it, but it's hard. I am right handed so I like having my camera ready in my right hand, and use the cane on the right side since I have a bad left knee)

That night Collin had made some plans for us to have dinner with some of his friends. So after the memorials we headed back so we could meet them for dinner. As it turned out we had to kinda push back the time a little since we were out longer than anticipated. We walked back to the metro, and back to the condo. I showered and then I used the oven door as a mirror to do my hair and make-up so Collin could shower. We got ready and were only a couple minutes late for dinner. As it turned out James and Andrea were a couple minutes late as well. So it worked out nicely. While we were at dinner it rained! It was a lot of fun meeting them and the 4 of us had a fun time at Chili's. We had shared some BBQ and Buffalo wings appetizers, and had our meals. The guys had beer, I had a virgin strawberry margarita and Andrea only had water. We all ordered our meals and we talked and laughed. James was kind of picking on the waitress a little but I don't think she minded because she dished it right back at him. (plus she hung around our table probably longer than she should've) It wasn't too busy in there though so I don't think she was ignoring other patrons. I hope not anyway. After dinner we headed back.


We sat on the floor and I was showing Collin pictures from my trip to Sacramento for the CHP academy and the museums I visited while there. I was also showing him my blog and some of my poetry. I am fairly certain I had included him in my email telling people when I started my blog, but I think it was when he was on the ship so he may not have really known. So a lot of my writing was new to him. We had a good time talking about things and it was nice sharing with him some of my writings. I still don't feel as if I am very eloquent or talented when it comes to my occasional poetry but he seemed impressed. 

Sat morning he was showing me his pictures from his recent Europe trip while we had breakfast. Then after getting ready we headed out. We stopped at the marine corp base again and got discounted tickets for the aquarium in Baltimore. We drove to Baltimore and had lunch on the harbor "next door" to the aquarium. It was already getting later and by the time we went to the aquarium we barely had an hour or so before we were going to need to leave for the airport. So we kind of rushed through a little and didn't see all the exhibits but it was an incredible aquarium! If I am ever back in that area I want to plan a trip again and really get to experience it. I want to see more of the exhibits and maybe the videos they offer. I loved it! We ended up being there a little longer then we should've but it was worth it. 

Since we were at the aquarium longer than expected it meant we were running behind getting to the airport for my flight. Luckily we were not too far from the airport, but we hit some traffic due to road work or something. It was weird because they had part of one interesection closed off and it made me that much later. I almost didn't mind because I wasn't ready to leave anyway. I looked up my flight though and knew it was running about 15 min late so I knew that gave me a little bit of time. But I also knew that little bit of time would be taken off my layover (and plane change) which was only going to be about 40 min already! So I was nervous about that. On the way to the airport I was starting to cry and so I kept looking out the passenger window so that hopefully Collin wouldn't notice. I got most of my tears under control before we got to the airport and was feeling a little stronger and was trying not to let him see still. But as we got out and he was hugging me goodbye it was getting hard. He was telling me he had a good time and he hoped I did too, and all I could do was nod (otherwise I would've lost it) I felt bad for not really saying thanks or goodbye, but I couldn't do it! He told me to get going so I wouldn't miss my flight and so I got my suitcase and headed inside. 


This is where the story gets interesting (I don't think I told Collin about this part...) but I got inside and checked it and my suitcase was 8 pounds overweight! (sorry Collin, since you carried it for me!) I am not sure how that happened since it was under by 20 pounds on the way there (must've been all the sweat in my clothing!) and I didn't really buy any souvenirs so I had to take stuff out. So I grabbed my scriptures, my sweater and all the fliers etc. I had collected during the trip. Eventually I got enough stuff out of it and shoved into my backpack so that it was right at 50 pounds! I then went to the security checkpoint and waited in line.. I was starting to get really nervous now, since I had gotten to the airport with less than an hour prior to my flight already and had to do the suitcase stuff... finally I get up there and am going through security and they pull my backpack and ask to check it. UGH!! So she opened it up and pulled out a bottle of soda I forgot I even had in there. She ran my bag again and everything was ok. It was an unopened soda and I asked if I could have it because it wasn't opened and she said if I did I would have to drink it and then go through security again. I didn't have time to do that! So it got tossed! Go figure! I didn't know how far it would be to my terminal but luckily it wasn't too far. I quickly used the bathroom, when I got to my terminal they were already boarding. I had my cane with me I was able to get on without waiting for my boarding group. 


That flight didn't go too bad, we had a plane change in Atlanta and because there were several people who had short times between flights the attendants kept making announcements for people who had more time to please allow others to exit first. I had to wait a little but luckily several people let me go before them. I was glad that my other terminal was only like 2 away. They were boarding that flight already too. I had my cane and literally went from one plane to the next. I got my backpack etc to my seat and used the plane bathroom before the plane filled up. My flight home again went fairly well. My stop in Atlanta allowed me to see the sun starting to set a little. It was cool, but a little weird too because then as we continued to fly it got brighter again, but then I landed in the dark! So I saw the sun set, but then there was still sunlight, then darkness because I was too high to see it "set" again! 


After landing it seemed to be that I was at the far end of the airport or something because it took me forever to get to the baggage claim. Then I had to wait quite awhile for my luggage. So long that I was beginning to worry that it didn't make the plane change with me in Atlanta! It seemed like there were several luggage drops and then nothing! I think the screen was even showing a different flight! Finally though my bag came and I headed out for the flyaway. I debated about waiting for the first flyaway and seeing if it was full or not, or walking down to an earlier terminal. I decided to walk, and as I was starting to walk one came by (darn it I should've waited) so I went to 4 and waited there. I decided to take my chances and if it was super full than I would walk again. But I got lucky and it wasn't bad. My driver was way enthusuastic and talked non-stop during the drive! It was interesting! At least she has a great attitude about her job. I probably should've sent in a good comment about her. But I guess it's too late now. When I got back to the flyaway my mom was almost there with Deann to get me. I only waited a couple minutes. Then we came home. I had to work Sunday morning at 10 am so when we got home I basically got into bed. But since I didn't go in early I was able to get some sleep. Of course I got some early texts on Sunday but I didn't mind. 

Well that is my trip in a nut-shell.... or rather in 3 blog posts! I had an amazing time and even though at times it was hard on my knee and the heat sucked I really am glad I went! It was completely worth everything! Through it all I had a great time! I loved that there was no TV or anything else to distract us and we were able to just hang out in the evenings and catch up on life! It was really cool! Plus like I said I won all games for eternity! Although that's a little sad too because I love games and have quite a collection actually! The next few weeks at work didn't go well, and if nothing else the fact that I was working where I was and making more money and able to get that time off for my trip, I am thankful for it! What a tremendous trip it was and I learned a lot about myself and even a little more about Collin! I love that we are so close and he is such a great example to me! He encourages me, supports me and helps lift me up probably more than he realizes. Over the past 21 years i've grown a lot and a huge part of that growth is because of friends like him! I am so blessed! 

32 and starting anew

I have always been told I could do whatever I wanted in life. I have always been taught to follow my dreams and go for it. So that is what I have always done. In my childhood I always said I wanted to be a doctor. As I got older I even narrowed the field down and was thinking I would be a Pediatrician or go into Family Practice so that I could spend time working with kids. I loved the idea of helping people and especially to make them feel better. … Then after high school I was going to Moorpark and taking my general education courses. I was working at Albertsons and was looking into medical schools and their programs. (I was really interested in a program in Irvine)

As I continued to look into it I also began to think of other “goals” I had for my life. I began to think about someday becoming a wife and a mother. Wanting to have a family and be able to travel. I wanted to be able to go places with my family and to have good experiences. … So I started to wonder if I was really ready to go into medical school, to know that with school and internship and residency the next several years I would be surrounded by school and all that becoming a physician would require. I knew it would make the family goals a little tougher to accomplish. I also thought about the cost. I was barely making more than minimum wage, my parents did a lot for us as kids and helped us with what they could, but I didn’t have a “college fund” so although they would support me I knew I would have large loan amounts to re-pay someday.

While I was contemplating all of this I had a co-worker who had just become an EMT. I started talking to him about that.  It seemed really exciting. I never really thought about becoming a Paramedic before and EMT was the first step (and was relatively easy too) so I looked into it. I took an EMT course. After that I was looking to work as an EMT. I was learning it was going to be difficult to get a job in Ventura County as a new EMT, and at the time I didn’t have adequate/reliable car to drive to LA County for work. So I was certified but still at Albertsons. After a couple years (and my first re-certification for my EMT) I went to AMR in LA. I was going to be working in Glendale. I was in a medical profession! Things were going well and during my time there we had even moved and were now in North Hollywood so even my commute had become easier. Then unfortunately thanks to not slamming on the brakes and red-light cameras after 8 months I lost that job L It was hard but a few months later I got picked up at Gold Coast Ambulance in Oxnard and within a few months was already trained as an EMT-D! I was now able to work 1-1 with a Paramedic and respond to 911 calls! It was amazing! I loved it! I was gaining such great experience and everyday was rewarding!

I was in my 5^th year at Gold Coast and although I wasn’t sure when or how I was going to do it I was wanting to go to Paramedic school and increase my certification and be able to do more. Then I messed up my knee… 3 surgeries (and several years) later I have never been able to return to the EMS field! It was/has been really hard on me! I still sometimes want to cry when I see an ambulance rolling code. I feel like a hunting dog sometimes, I will hear the sirens and my ears perk up and I am looking around to see where they are and where they may be heading. Knowing that I needed to get into a less physical job and being completely unemployed with no income I was searching for all kinds of jobs!

A friend of mine called me one day and asked me if I would be interested in working at CMH hospital doing admitting work on-call. I said definitely and the next day I had an interview. Within about 2 weeks I was starting that job! It was going great. Within a short amount of time I was working full time hours (even though I was still “on-call”) and I was hoping that a spot would open up so I could be picked up as a permanent employee. I got lucky too that I was working in the ER admitting for the majority of my shifts. So I felt right at home a bit. (Although it was hard to not jump in and help when it came to patient care) During that time I got a call back from the County of Ventura on a dispatching job I had applied for. I went in for the interview and was offered the position. After about a year of being on-call I now had a permanent full time job again with benefits. (I might have stayed at CMH had I been getting benefits) So I began another new job.

Working for the county was nice. I was working regular business type hours. I was getting my weekends off and I was working at another hospital. But I was in the maintenance department. Not exactly the most desirable position but I had great co-workers and we all got along really well. I was doing dispatch and I knew I was appreciated. It wasn’t always an easy job but I was successful at it. Just over a year later I got a letter from the CHP and was being offered another chance at an interview for employment. (2 years prior I had tested and interviewed but not hired) At first I was somewhat hesitant to respond because I was so happy where I was, but I knew in the long run it would be better pay and opportunities for me. I also knew it meant 911 work again (via phones) and working with officers not maintenance guys on the radio. That seemed much more exciting than clogged toilets and burned out light bulbs etc. that I was dealing with in the maintenance dept! So I went ahead and returned the letter of interest. Then things quickly started changing. At work they started making some changes and suddenly my job was becoming less secure and shakier. Things were changing in the County of Ventura Healthcare agency especially in regards to the maintenance dept. The timing couldn’t have been better. It looked promising for the CHP job and at the same time all my good friends at the county job got transferred out and I was left with a staff that didn’t like everyone I had been working with! It was really hard for me. I was miserable and couldn’t wait to get out and start with CHP.

Finally the day came that I could give my 2-week notice, I couldn’t have been happier! I was even able to take 2 ½ weeks off between my last day at county and my first day at CHP. I was ecstatic! Things went well and I got to spend 3 weeks at the CHP academy in training! It wasn’t always easy but I made some great friends and was really feeling comfortable and learning a lot! It was great knowing I was going to be answering 911 calls and helping make a difference again! I came back from training and my first month on phones went fairly well. I was learning and although I had a few struggles I was new and so it was somewhat to be expected. My second month I got a new trainer. This trainer had a completely different approach to things and it became a little more difficult at times to feel I had a “good day”. But I was still chugging along and although I had a few struggles with her I was still mostly on the right path. Then I got my 3^rd trainer. He has been there for a long time. I was nervous to be working with him, but in the long run I felt a lot more comfortable with him. It was great. I was really starting to have more confidence in myself and my call-taking capabilities! It was going well and I was improving!

My last shift with him was right before my trip to Washington DC. That last day I struggled a little bit and so my review scores had dropped a tad. But overall I still felt pretty good with how things were going. When I got home from vacation that trainer had in the meantime began his vacation so I was working with another trainer, who also happened to be the training supervisor. Most of that week went somewhat well. I wasn’t getting perfect scores but it wasn’t horrible either. I still felt I was on the right path.

Then on July 1^st I came in for my next shift. Before I began my shift they brought me in for a training meeting. They told me that they felt I was not quite where I should be so I was being put into remedial training and that I needed to have more consistent scores during the week. I was also beginning my shifts with another new trainer that day. As it turned out my newest trainer has a different style about things then my previous trainers. At the end of that shift I felt horrible! She had made me feel so stupid and I felt as if she was treating me like I was incompetent! I cried all the way home that night. It was horrible. I knew I was supposed to show them I could do it and that I was going to be consistent and capable of doing the job but it seemed like even the smallest simplest things she was finding fault in with me. She was making me change things in my logs that had been acceptable by my previous trainers. It seemed like her style of doing things was different then the others and it was a really bad shift for me because of it. After the first few times she “went off” on me for doing things differently than she would like them done it started to make me doubt myself. From there I just spiraled downward. The more she got frustrated with the way I was doing things the harder it became for me to be successful in even the simplest calls! … So then I had 3 days off! During those 3 days I was thinking about things and thought maybe I was taking it too hard and I told myself on Thurs when I went back in I wasn’t going to let her get to me negatively. I was going to “kick butt” and really show them who I was and what I could do!

 I went into work feeling nervous but knowing I was capable. Then within a few hours I began to get yelled at again for things that seemed like trivial things to me. Things that although they were mistakes on my part I felt like she was again blowing them out of proportion. Some of them were again style issues that were things that were acceptable to my previous trainers. So again I had a rough day because I felt like everything I did she found fault in and I spiraled down again. I cried that night too! I wondered what was wrong with me and why I couldn’t just get it right so that she wouldn’t find fault in every simple thing. I called one of the supervisors the next morning and told her I knew I was slipping backwards and that I felt it was partially because of my trainer. I knew that ultimately it was MY responsibility to handle the calls and to show them I was capable, but I felt less confident working with her than I had with other trainers. Being honest with my supervisor didn’t really make me feel much better. She basically told me that I had been put on remedial training before I was with my current trainer and so it didn’t really make much sense. I guess she couldn’t see that maybe personality wise it wasn’t working to make me feel very confident and comfortable so that I could be successful. Then she told me “not everyone is cut out for this type of work”

That afternoon before going to work my Bishop (who also happens to be my home teacher) came over and we talked for about an hour and he gave me a blessing. After that I felt much better and knew I was going to go back into work with my head held high and not let me trainer get to me. I was able to write down some of the concerns I had and my feelings about how things were going. I got to work and met with the supervisor I had talked to that morning as well as the manager. It kinda went the same as my morning phone conversation in a sense that they told me it was up to me to overcome whatever it was that was keeping me from taking control (they didn’t seem to understand that it was my trainer that was my biggest issue at the time- sometimes personalities don’t work out!  Everybody learns differently and as much as a person needs to adapt for training I think that sometimes a trainer needs to adapt for teaching) after talking with them, we also met with the trainer and had a good discussion about how I was feeling. That sometimes I felt as if my trainer instead of talking to me about something she felt I wasn’t doing well it came across to me as an “attack”. She apologized for that and said she wasn’t trying to be that way. Overall I still made a few mistakes that night but I felt it went a lot better. I also felt as if we were able to talk about things better, I left that night unsure how my review would go, but knowing in my heart I felt more confident in my work. The few times I had an issue I didn’t let her approaching me about it get me down. I drove home that night tear-free.

Then I came in on Sat afternoon for my next shift and saw my review! She still gave me bad scores! I felt crushed! Yet I still tried to not let it get me down and was working hard to overcome. But things again didn’t go as well as she felt they should and late Sat night the manager came in before the end of the shift. We went into the office and chatted. It wasn’t going well. Basically I was told I was going to be rejected during probation, unless I chose to just quit. With the RDP I would not be able to do anymore time answering dispatch phones but would be re-assigned to work in another office doing clerical work during the time it takes for everything to be processed. (A few weeks) I would still be able to get paid during that time. So that was the option I chose. I stayed strong during that meeting and didn’t cry until I was driving home again!

My mom was the first one I called. She is so supportive of me and I love her for that. She told me she was proud of me for even being able to handle it for as long as I did. She told me that she would help me out as much as possible financially or otherwise if I wanted to go back to school and get back into the medical field again. She also said she’d help if I wanted to go into something else all together. I know she was trying to help and wasn’t really sure how to comfort me and I think I may have snapped a bit at her (sorry mom) but I really didn’t (and still don’t) know where I can go from here! I still haven’t become a wife and mother, but the dream of being a physician is pretty far fetched at this point in time…. And I can’t go back into EMS because I still have lingering knee problems. Plus in Nov I let my cert lapse (even while I was out with my knee I kept it up to date, I should’ve continued with that) so even if I wanted to try and use that to my advantage at this point I would have to take a full course for that again! So I was left with a feeling of fear and hurt and just the unknowing! I cried a lot that night. By the time I finally crawled into bed it was after 3 am and I couldn’t go to sleep! I struggled for a long time! When I finally did get to sleep I woke up again at like 6:30! I stayed in bed after that until 8a but I never fell back to sleep either.

At around 8 I got up and got ready for church. I shed a lot of tears during church and basically felt helpless to some degree. It’s nice knowing that I have the gospel though and I know I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else at that time! I am thankful for the gospel and I have faith that it will all work out, I just don’t know when or how! I was able to take a nap after church and then had dinner with some good friends and got to spend some time with them after dinner. I am so blessed to be around such great people and I know that I am loved! I didn’t cry when I was with them and I think it was then that I really began to understand that in the grand scheme of things where I am working doesn’t really matter. I was able to realize the hardest part about the entire situation for me is the feeling of failure I suddenly have. For me always being told I could do anything and mostly being able to, it was hard to be told that I wasn’t capable, or that I wasn’t improving enough to be successful. It didn’t make sense to me and almost still doesn’t. I don’t fully understand how I can be on the ambulance responding to these same situations I was answering calls for and help those people directly, yet I couldn’t seem to get it right to help them on the phone. Maybe I am a hands-on kind of person. Maybe I need to see the situation in order to really do something about it. But it really did make me feel a bit like a failure. For once in my life I wasn’t able to do anything I wanted to do! WOW! It’s hard to accept!

So now I am left still wondering, what am I going to do next? What is the path I am meant to take? I really don’t know! I have always loved working on cars with my dad, so do I take auto-shop classes? I still want to learn to play piano (and my dear friend Renee started teaching me once, but then moved away so I never got to finish learning) so do I take a piano class? I still love the medical field and knowing I love being there hands-on, do I look into medical assistant? Physician assistant? Do I try surgery technician? I really don’t know. In the meantime I will get to do some clerical work. I am going to look on the state jobs website and see if I can get in somewhere else within the state while I am already in the system.

I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. It seemed like (and was) such great timing when this job came around because the county job fell apart. Things were going so well and I was looking at moving out and other options, now this has fallen apart. I know that there is a reason, but I don’t see it yet. I am hoping it won’t take long for me to figure it out. But I think in the 2 days since I learned that I was losing my job I have already come a long, long way! I am keeping my head held high and I am looking toward the sky! I know that I am going to be at church every week, I am going to be at the weddings I might have had to miss in Aug, and I know that right now is the perfect time to look into fall classes. So again although it sucks the timing is good. I WILL be ok! It just may take some time! I am not crying anymore and somehow I feel a sense of relief. I am not sure why I feel relieved when I was happy there and enjoying the opportunities it was giving me. But there has to be a reason that this has happened. I saw a quote on facebook today that seemed to be appropriate for me right now, it says “might not be tonight, tomorrow or the next day, but everything’s going to be ok” E.S.  I have to believe that! I have faith in it!

So here I am 32 (almost 33) and left starting over. I don’t know where I am going. I don’t know what I will be doing in a month or two. But I do know that I am hanging onto hope. I am not going to let this trial get me down. I know that I have potential. I know that my parents still believe in me and I still know that I can do anything I put my mind to (except 911 dispatching apparently) I cannot let one little setback bring me down! I will be doing a lot of praying in the next few days/weeks/months and figuring things out. Until that time I guess I am working clerical in the Moorpark office for my last however many days as an employee of the CHP. This experience has taught me a lot and I won’t forget it. I may be a little regretful that I struggled and couldn’t quite get it right but once I find the silver lining on this dark cloud that’s come over me it will all make sense. Until that time I am going to ride the wave and see where I land on the shore! It can’t get much worse, unless there is a shark nearby in the water! But hey if you read my recent post about being adventurous that may not be such a bad thing! I’d love to go swimming with the sharks!  J 7-9-2012