Well since it is after midnight already this basically/ technically happened yesterday... but since I haven't gone to bed yet I am going to say "this morning". Last night my friend Jen spent the night. We had stayed up late talking (as girls usually do) and just hanging out. When we finally went to sleep I was on my bed and she was on an air mattress on my floor. No big deal. Than this morning we both woke up around the same time I think. As we both discovered the other one to be awake we started to chat while still lying in the beds. When all of a sudden the door opened and we both got kinda quiet...it was my nephew Elijah (who is now 2& 1/2 almost 3 *in Aug*) this was the conversation and list of events that followed:
Elijah: Nay, you awake?
Me: No I'm still sleeping
Elijah: Oh ok, (there is a pause) friend awake?
Me: No, she's sleeping too
Elijah: Okay (then there was another pause) goodnight.
Me: Goodnight
Elijah: Goodnight
Jen: goodnight
Elijah: goodnight
Than the door closed. We waited a few seconds than we both started giggling. I got up to get my glasses when I heard the door again, so I quickly hopped onto my bed again and pretended to sleep.
*I made a snoring sound
*Jen made a snoring sound
The door closed again
We both waited a little longer this time and giggled again and started chatting
The door opened:
Elijah and Isaiah both came in...the game was over. We lost and got bombarded with babies!
I love my nephews! I especially love the stage of life they are in, both are learning and growing and discovering new things. Elijah is talking loads more now, and Isaiah is starting to walk and get into stuff. But I love that Elijah like most kids just says the funniest stuff! I miss that show "kids say the darndest things" I think if he wasn't so shy around strangers he would be perfect on there! He also has been calling jennifer "girlfriend" instead of jennifer, and when he does use her name he just says "jen-fer" so cute!!!!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Transition Hug
I am and have pretty much always been a "hugger" I enjoy giving (and receiving) hugs!! I cannot say how much I love it. Well I have this guy friend at church. We have gone to church together for awhile now and several months back we started talking more because of a mutual friend. Lately it seems we talk even more than before. It's been kind of nice. But I realized on Sun that I frequently talk to him at church but I don't even give him a handshake. :-( I feel like I am a horrible friend! I really enjoy talking to him and I noticed (more than once on Sun and last week too) that I often will be talking to him and someone will see me and come and give me a hug. Or someone will be near him that I want to say hello to and so I will go and hug them. So I frequently hug others in his presence and yet I didn't even give him a shake! I felt so guilty and I want to hug him (since we are talking more and stuff) but I don't know how to transition into hugging him.
He is kind of a quiet guy, maybe a little shy but I don't want it to be awkward that I suddenly give him a hug. But it seemed like I noticed on Sun that as I hugged someone else he looked like he would've hugged me back had I made the move to hug him..... He has also been a little more "touchy" with me too lately. On Sun as he told me something he touched my shoulder and he also at one point came up behind me and poked me in the sides, which was very out of the ordinary! So I want to know if anyone has any suggestions on how to transition into hugging someone without it being awkward when up until now I have been so rude and not even given them a handshake (that I can recall)
He is kind of a quiet guy, maybe a little shy but I don't want it to be awkward that I suddenly give him a hug. But it seemed like I noticed on Sun that as I hugged someone else he looked like he would've hugged me back had I made the move to hug him..... He has also been a little more "touchy" with me too lately. On Sun as he told me something he touched my shoulder and he also at one point came up behind me and poked me in the sides, which was very out of the ordinary! So I want to know if anyone has any suggestions on how to transition into hugging someone without it being awkward when up until now I have been so rude and not even given them a handshake (that I can recall)
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Want vs Need
This is always a tricky topic especially among women who love to shop. Me I can get myself into trouble way too easily (and often do) and lately I was made aware of a new Samsung camera phone from T-mobile. It has an 8 megapixel camera on it, and is a touch screen phone. Ohh way exciting was my first thought because I love my phone and I especially love taking pictures and always carry my camera with me... this way I could condense a little from time to time.... It was way exciting until I saw the $500 price tag, even if i update my account it had a $400 price tag. Too much for my disabilty budget. Besides I just got a new phone last year. So it wasn't really a "need". But that didn't stop me from doing research about it. I was excited still but learned it's battery life isn't the greatest if you use it frequently..... well of course I would be using it frequently if it's my phone and camera! I am not sure why they didn't plan that part out a little better. But while doing research Ilearned there is a motorola phone (I have always liked motorola phone features) that had a 5 megapixel camera on it, and it got better reviews. But it is not a touch screen phone.
So in the meanwhile my mom's phone has a broken screen and powers itself off at random etc. She "needs" a new phone. So we went to t-mobile so she could look at and play with the phones and check out the features. I played with the Samsung Memoir and did actually like it for the most part but the guy did say that yes the battery life stinks if used frequently. So that would drive me nuts! So I also looked at and played with the Motorola Zine while there too. I decided I really like the zine a lot better. So when I came home, just out of curiosity I checked online to see what my price would be with an upgrade since it's a $350 phone. It would still cost me $270. I decided again it was a want and not a need. I wasn't going to buy it or anything until I could get a lot better discount (plus by then they may have a newer better version anyway)
So then on Fri I was at Disneyland with my sister and a couple friends. We were having a lot of fun. It was going well. Late in the evening my mom texted me to ask if it was the new sidekick lx that I had liked in the tmobile store. I told her it was alright but that I liked a motorola phone better. She told me she had gotten a text to pre-order it and get a discount. I told her it was cool because even though I want a new phone I don't need a new phone. I was being a good girl! So then she was telling me she needs one. I said yeah. Then because we were getting onto a ride I put my phone in the side pocket of my purse where it had been all day long when I wasn't using it. We got on the ride and then a little while later I went to make a phone call.....
My phone wouldn't dial any numbers! I thought well that's weird! SO I played around with it a bit and discovered none of the buttons were working for me. I couldn't even get it to turn off! UGH so finally I took the battery out to "reset" it. I put it back in and when I turned it on the screen was completely blank except a line across the middle that said "download" I didn't know what that meant. I pushed some buttons and waited and nothing happened. So I took the battery out again. Then it turned on normally. Even some of the buttons were working, but not all of them. If I wanted to push 0 I got 8. I was so frustrated. So every time I tried something I either got no response what-so-ever or I got a response completely different than what I pushed.
I thought it was interesting how I went from having a conversation where I was being an adult and acknowledging I didn't need a new phone to within an hour seeming like I did! So the rest of the night my phone only worked for what it wanted to. I managed to read a text from my mom but couldn't respond so I had my sister text her back for me. I came home and figured I would try charging it and see if it was better in the morning and I was getting some more texts but this time I couldn't even read them! So I went to bed. But before I fell asleep I remembered I had a phone I had gotten for free for being a "good customer" and so I switched into it. (I had offered the phone to my mom in the past since she needs a phone but she didn't like it so she doesn't want it, I don't want you thinking I am keeping good phones from my mom) I called on Sat to see what it would cost for my phone and found out it is under warranty!!! Woohoo, so I am getting a replacement phone for free. Even though i still want the zine I am glad I don't have to pay anything for a new phone right now! I really am trying to be better with my finances!
I was a little worried though because my sim card is full so I had a lot of numbers I was unable to access in my phone memory. I thought I had lost them but the tech guy reminded me about being able to sync numbers to the my t-mobile account and luckily i had in the past so I was able to sync the back-up phone and so I have all my numbers too! Wooo good thing!
So in the meanwhile my mom's phone has a broken screen and powers itself off at random etc. She "needs" a new phone. So we went to t-mobile so she could look at and play with the phones and check out the features. I played with the Samsung Memoir and did actually like it for the most part but the guy did say that yes the battery life stinks if used frequently. So that would drive me nuts! So I also looked at and played with the Motorola Zine while there too. I decided I really like the zine a lot better. So when I came home, just out of curiosity I checked online to see what my price would be with an upgrade since it's a $350 phone. It would still cost me $270. I decided again it was a want and not a need. I wasn't going to buy it or anything until I could get a lot better discount (plus by then they may have a newer better version anyway)
So then on Fri I was at Disneyland with my sister and a couple friends. We were having a lot of fun. It was going well. Late in the evening my mom texted me to ask if it was the new sidekick lx that I had liked in the tmobile store. I told her it was alright but that I liked a motorola phone better. She told me she had gotten a text to pre-order it and get a discount. I told her it was cool because even though I want a new phone I don't need a new phone. I was being a good girl! So then she was telling me she needs one. I said yeah. Then because we were getting onto a ride I put my phone in the side pocket of my purse where it had been all day long when I wasn't using it. We got on the ride and then a little while later I went to make a phone call.....
My phone wouldn't dial any numbers! I thought well that's weird! SO I played around with it a bit and discovered none of the buttons were working for me. I couldn't even get it to turn off! UGH so finally I took the battery out to "reset" it. I put it back in and when I turned it on the screen was completely blank except a line across the middle that said "download" I didn't know what that meant. I pushed some buttons and waited and nothing happened. So I took the battery out again. Then it turned on normally. Even some of the buttons were working, but not all of them. If I wanted to push 0 I got 8. I was so frustrated. So every time I tried something I either got no response what-so-ever or I got a response completely different than what I pushed.
I thought it was interesting how I went from having a conversation where I was being an adult and acknowledging I didn't need a new phone to within an hour seeming like I did! So the rest of the night my phone only worked for what it wanted to. I managed to read a text from my mom but couldn't respond so I had my sister text her back for me. I came home and figured I would try charging it and see if it was better in the morning and I was getting some more texts but this time I couldn't even read them! So I went to bed. But before I fell asleep I remembered I had a phone I had gotten for free for being a "good customer" and so I switched into it. (I had offered the phone to my mom in the past since she needs a phone but she didn't like it so she doesn't want it, I don't want you thinking I am keeping good phones from my mom) I called on Sat to see what it would cost for my phone and found out it is under warranty!!! Woohoo, so I am getting a replacement phone for free. Even though i still want the zine I am glad I don't have to pay anything for a new phone right now! I really am trying to be better with my finances!
I was a little worried though because my sim card is full so I had a lot of numbers I was unable to access in my phone memory. I thought I had lost them but the tech guy reminded me about being able to sync numbers to the my t-mobile account and luckily i had in the past so I was able to sync the back-up phone and so I have all my numbers too! Wooo good thing!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Daughter of GOD
I know that within a week or so ago I was writing about being invisible, but today (or rather yesterday I suppose since it's after midnight now) I wasn't feeling invisible. I was blessed with the opportunity to go to the Los Angeles Temple and help clean. We went not knowing what to expect and unsure what we would be doing. We arrived at 6 am (we were told to be there at 6:30) but people were there already so we went in. We got white jumpsuits and changed. They took us to the 4th floor where the ordinance worker locker rooms are. The worker there gave us some jobs to do (cleaning the marble, and the bathrooms etc.) I got a duster type thing on a telescopic handle and he wanted me to dust the walls! Yup the walls! So I did the room we were in and then he said to continue in the hall and into another 2 large rooms and the guys lockers and stuff. And the windows! I was doing a lot of walking and dusting! Although I do rather prefer that to scrubbing toilets so I was not complaining by any means and with the exception of a few stairs from time to time I was mostly exempt from bending my knee so that was nice. During this wall dusting I was in a large room and was dusting and in my peripheral vision I thought I saw someone and I was thinking maybe they were watching me so I looked over. It was a large mirror! I saw my reflection from across the room! Now at this point in time I had been working for over an hour, the jumpsuits are not exactly "figure friendly" for looking nice. I was sweaty and just working. But when I looked in the mirror instead of thinking how horrible or fat I looked or frumpy or whatever I thought to myself "there is a beautiful daughter of God!" I thought immediatly how lucky I was to be in the house of God and to be able to serve in that way there! Then when I realized how positive my thoughts were about myself I thought "that's what I need to think every time I look in the mirror, not just when in the temple" I was proud of myself for my positivity!
We did our stuff there and then some (he had other things he had us do) and then we went to the 3rd floor where the assembly hall is and I was dusting in that bathroom. Then I went into a room that the worker told us is the Prophets room when he is there having meetings. I dusted in there as well, and did as high as I could go on those windows. At one point walking through the assembly hall I was passing through the chairs which were covered in plactic. Not thinking much of it I just walked. I had gotten about 3/4 of the way through and all of a sudden the plastic seemed to be moving when I walked and it continued after I stopped. It was really interesting, before that it hadn't moved at all, then it was like I could feel the presence of other saints following me at that moment in time because when I stopped the plastic still moved a little bit. Then while dusting the windows the girls were at the far end of the hall and I heard a noise behind me and when I looked the sealers locker room door was closing (which had been closed all along to begin with) but I didn't see anyone go in or come out! I thought maybe it was the brother we had been working with but a minute or two later he came out of the bathroom in the middle of the hall! There is a slight chance someone went in there and exited a back way but I am not so sure of that, because I never even noticed anyone come through the room aside from those we were working with. It isn't really a shortcut to anywhere! It was interesting to say the least. I also dusted the sealers locker room and the veil workers locker room. The girls did the stuff they had been doing before in the other rooms and they polished the pews and pulpits at both ends. (Oh and we did have one 15 min break and a half hour lunch break during this time too) anyway during the time they were doing the pews my knee was getting pretty sore, I knew I had reached my limit, and they were both pretty tired too so we decided they'd finish what they were working on and then we would go. We had been asked in the assignment to go from 6:30 to 2:30 (which we discovered other wards broke up the time, as well as had different times to be there also) anyway around noon or just after we were done. They were ok with us leaving early. It was nice. What a blessing it was to be in the house of the Lord today! I was/am tired from getting up so early but I am glad I did! Now I think I am going to bed because I have been up for about 21 hours! I am ready for some shut eye!
We did our stuff there and then some (he had other things he had us do) and then we went to the 3rd floor where the assembly hall is and I was dusting in that bathroom. Then I went into a room that the worker told us is the Prophets room when he is there having meetings. I dusted in there as well, and did as high as I could go on those windows. At one point walking through the assembly hall I was passing through the chairs which were covered in plactic. Not thinking much of it I just walked. I had gotten about 3/4 of the way through and all of a sudden the plastic seemed to be moving when I walked and it continued after I stopped. It was really interesting, before that it hadn't moved at all, then it was like I could feel the presence of other saints following me at that moment in time because when I stopped the plastic still moved a little bit. Then while dusting the windows the girls were at the far end of the hall and I heard a noise behind me and when I looked the sealers locker room door was closing (which had been closed all along to begin with) but I didn't see anyone go in or come out! I thought maybe it was the brother we had been working with but a minute or two later he came out of the bathroom in the middle of the hall! There is a slight chance someone went in there and exited a back way but I am not so sure of that, because I never even noticed anyone come through the room aside from those we were working with. It isn't really a shortcut to anywhere! It was interesting to say the least. I also dusted the sealers locker room and the veil workers locker room. The girls did the stuff they had been doing before in the other rooms and they polished the pews and pulpits at both ends. (Oh and we did have one 15 min break and a half hour lunch break during this time too) anyway during the time they were doing the pews my knee was getting pretty sore, I knew I had reached my limit, and they were both pretty tired too so we decided they'd finish what they were working on and then we would go. We had been asked in the assignment to go from 6:30 to 2:30 (which we discovered other wards broke up the time, as well as had different times to be there also) anyway around noon or just after we were done. They were ok with us leaving early. It was nice. What a blessing it was to be in the house of the Lord today! I was/am tired from getting up so early but I am glad I did! Now I think I am going to bed because I have been up for about 21 hours! I am ready for some shut eye!
100K
I have had my car now for 4 years and not quite 8 months. Yesterday it landmarked. I hit 100,000 miles!!!! I knew it was coming and then it happened! I know it may seem a trivial thing to blog about and it isn't something I should be excited about but I have been very blessed with my Honda CR-V. I (knock on wood) haven't had any major, major problems with it. I do get regular oil changes and I have changed the air filter a few times. I have also replaced the brakes and one headlight. The only major problem I have had with my car was when a piece of wire came through my radiator puncturing it. I had to have the car towed home and within a day or two I installed a new radiator in it. My dad helped guide me what to do, but I was the one under the car taking it apart and getting greasy! I loved it!
In the time I have had my car I have gotten 2 flat tires. But I have never changed one of my flats (although I do know how) because the first one was 2 weeks after I had wrist surgery and I was on my way to Thousand Oaks for physical therapy from Oxnard (where my ward was staying in a beach house) so one of the guys came and met me and changed it. The second one I didn't change because it happened late one night as I was driving home from work. It was dark and I didn't feel safe because I didn't have adequate lighting. So I called my roadside assistance from my cell phone plan. It didn't cost me anything but the reading time in the car waiting for the tow guy, and I got to meet a nice CHP guy who stopped and then he waited in his car behind me, and I waited in my car until after the tow guy was done to make sure I was safe :)
My car has been washed numerous times, waxed about 4 times and has been through the rain and snow. It has beat the heat in CA and has traveled up north as well as to Utah and back several times. It has been a good car to me! I still love it today as much as the day I drove it off the lot on Sept 17 2004! When I left it had 37 miles on it! Crazy huh?? I can't help but wonder if I hadn't injured and then re-injured my knee how long ago I would've reached this milestone? I know it would've been a long time ago and I wonder what my mileage would be today??
So I am including a picture. I had gotten my camera out knowing I was close to my 100k, and then went and got gas and forgot that's why I had it out and put it away, than just barely remembered and looked, so I was 1 miles late in taking the picture, but this way it's a palindrome! :) It's kinda weird but I am constantly watching my odometer for palindromes in my mileage. Ok so I know I am a little strange. But hey you are the one reading my blog about the mileage in my car, so there!! :-P
Monday, May 4, 2009
3 in 1
As the 1st counselor in the Relief Society Presidency at church I occasionally have to fill in for the president when she is unable to attend a meeting, or running our meetings etc. Life goes on, well she had the opportunity to go with another sister from our ward to Brazil for 3 weeks. She's been gone about 2- 1/2 ish now I think.(They'll be back this week sometime, but I don't remember the exact date) In the meanwhile I have been filling in at meetings, and discussing with the bishopric about callings, and taking care of visiting teaching, going to leadership training meetings, etc. No big deal right? It's only 3 weeks so I knew it'd be ok. So a couple weeks ago when they first left I went to ward council in her place. She hadn't really left me much info but I knew a few concerns that I felt needed attention regarding relief society and things coming up, this was what I went to the meeting concerned with:
1. Enrichment night, and the enrichment committee members
2. Graduating HS seniors and the activities for them, incl CES Broadcast
3. Other RS callings and new girls needing callings
So I was in ward council and when it got to be my turn and they asked if I had anything for RS, I mentioned #1 about enrichment, and they said "we were going to talk to you about that...we will talk after" so I was like "ok" onto number 2, this one they said "you are way ahead of us, we were going to talk to you about that" and someone else said "speaking of that weren't we going to ask someone to fill in as head of the food for that?" (meaning me...... because my RS president went with the girl who is the break the fast chairperson....) so they wanted me to be in charge of getting the dinner stuff done for the CES broadcast tonight. They said they would talk to me about it after. Ok I said and I mentioned callings and the new girls, and guess what they said??? Yup they were planning to talk to me about that after as well!!! :) Good times! I think I said something fun along the lines of "I knew I was filling in for pres, but I didn't know I was E's replacement as well." So pretty much all the stuff I had on my mind was the same stuff they had in mind FOR me! UGH... so then the ward exec sec. who was sitting next to me said "while you're at it doing everyone else's stuff do you want to take over scheduling the Bishops appointments too?" I was like sure bring it on! :)
The meeting continued like normal and at times I gave my input, all was well, except I knew that after I was going to be talked to! Which I was and I think it took about half of Sunday school to go over it all! Later in the meeting when they got around to one of the guys and asked him if he had anything else for the meeting he was like "Renee is handling that, Renee got this, Renee, Renee, Renee, nope I think Renee has it all" It was kinda funny I guess....
So I have been handling things well I suppose. Life goes on. The RS stuff is easy enough, I went to a couple meetings and handled some callings and so forth, but otherwise all was well. Enrichment is scheduled and we have gotten more people on the committee as well as some other callings filled. Today was the dinner. Two weeks ago, I looked in the activities closet and made my list of needs for the dinner, and last week I did sign ups. This week I had to handle calling to remind people they signed up, as well as reminding the graduating seniors about the dinner (the other girls helped too) yesterday I did some shopping as well as got stuff from the building. Today was stake conference. All was well. I had everything bought and either in my car or in the fridge at home. After stake conf. I knew I needed to dice tomato, cook meat and shred lettuce. Things were good, until I got a migraine. Luckily I got it under control before it got really bad. After conf I was worn out but came home and started cutting. Than stopped to start the meat and my mom came home and took over the tomatoes for me (I didn't ask her to she just did, I was thankful for the help) she also shredded the lettuce while I was handling the meat. Then I went to the building. Dinner went well, I was still feeling kinda "off" so I didn't watch the broadcast, instead I started bagging up the left-overs and was cleaning up the kitchen and towards the end of the broadcast I was getting the banana split stuff ready. After that we cleaned up. It went really well. During clean up my knee was starting to hurt though. I was feeling stiff but a couple times when I took a step I got a sharp pain through my knee and felt like I was going to fall down. Im glad I didn't. Nobody seemed to notice which was good. Eventually we got it all sorted out and cleaned-up and my car loaded. I came home put my ice machine on my knee and took a nap! It was great.
Pres and E. will be home this week sometime! Thank goodness, I will be glad to be back to only doing my calling instead of 3 in 1. It's been a fun and growing experience I suppose! :)
1. Enrichment night, and the enrichment committee members
2. Graduating HS seniors and the activities for them, incl CES Broadcast
3. Other RS callings and new girls needing callings
So I was in ward council and when it got to be my turn and they asked if I had anything for RS, I mentioned #1 about enrichment, and they said "we were going to talk to you about that...we will talk after" so I was like "ok" onto number 2, this one they said "you are way ahead of us, we were going to talk to you about that" and someone else said "speaking of that weren't we going to ask someone to fill in as head of the food for that?" (meaning me...... because my RS president went with the girl who is the break the fast chairperson....) so they wanted me to be in charge of getting the dinner stuff done for the CES broadcast tonight. They said they would talk to me about it after. Ok I said and I mentioned callings and the new girls, and guess what they said??? Yup they were planning to talk to me about that after as well!!! :) Good times! I think I said something fun along the lines of "I knew I was filling in for pres, but I didn't know I was E's replacement as well." So pretty much all the stuff I had on my mind was the same stuff they had in mind FOR me! UGH... so then the ward exec sec. who was sitting next to me said "while you're at it doing everyone else's stuff do you want to take over scheduling the Bishops appointments too?" I was like sure bring it on! :)
The meeting continued like normal and at times I gave my input, all was well, except I knew that after I was going to be talked to! Which I was and I think it took about half of Sunday school to go over it all! Later in the meeting when they got around to one of the guys and asked him if he had anything else for the meeting he was like "Renee is handling that, Renee got this, Renee, Renee, Renee, nope I think Renee has it all" It was kinda funny I guess....
So I have been handling things well I suppose. Life goes on. The RS stuff is easy enough, I went to a couple meetings and handled some callings and so forth, but otherwise all was well. Enrichment is scheduled and we have gotten more people on the committee as well as some other callings filled. Today was the dinner. Two weeks ago, I looked in the activities closet and made my list of needs for the dinner, and last week I did sign ups. This week I had to handle calling to remind people they signed up, as well as reminding the graduating seniors about the dinner (the other girls helped too) yesterday I did some shopping as well as got stuff from the building. Today was stake conference. All was well. I had everything bought and either in my car or in the fridge at home. After stake conf. I knew I needed to dice tomato, cook meat and shred lettuce. Things were good, until I got a migraine. Luckily I got it under control before it got really bad. After conf I was worn out but came home and started cutting. Than stopped to start the meat and my mom came home and took over the tomatoes for me (I didn't ask her to she just did, I was thankful for the help) she also shredded the lettuce while I was handling the meat. Then I went to the building. Dinner went well, I was still feeling kinda "off" so I didn't watch the broadcast, instead I started bagging up the left-overs and was cleaning up the kitchen and towards the end of the broadcast I was getting the banana split stuff ready. After that we cleaned up. It went really well. During clean up my knee was starting to hurt though. I was feeling stiff but a couple times when I took a step I got a sharp pain through my knee and felt like I was going to fall down. Im glad I didn't. Nobody seemed to notice which was good. Eventually we got it all sorted out and cleaned-up and my car loaded. I came home put my ice machine on my knee and took a nap! It was great.
Pres and E. will be home this week sometime! Thank goodness, I will be glad to be back to only doing my calling instead of 3 in 1. It's been a fun and growing experience I suppose! :)
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Invisible
Ok so I know that I am clearly not invisible.... after all considering I am overweight that makes me clearly more visible to the eye. But I have been thinking the past couple days how sometimes I get to feeling like I am. Not in every sense of my life but in some. I do a lot, and I hang out with a lot of people. I know almost everyone in my ward, if not personally but usually by face if not also by name. Considering I bear my testimony every fast Sunday, and am in the relief society presidency I am pretty sure most people know my face and/or name too.... so let me explain now why I sometimes feel invisible....
Last night was ward cookie night. Where after church we go home and make cookies or brownies or whatever and at 7pm we all meet up with goodies at Bishops house. We have a spiritual thought and then we eat goodies and mingle until we all meander home again. It is a pretty popular activity and usually fairly fun too. While there I got to talking with one of the girls in my ward, for privacy sake I will call her "Jane" so we had been in the kitchen and chatting a little when Jane asked me if I wanted to join her sitting on the couch instead. So I did and we wandered into the other room. Sometime within a short time frame of us going into that room Bishop turned on a comedy video he had referenced earlier in the other room. So mostly everyone else went into there. Jane and I stayed where we were and talked. We talked a lot and shed a few tears about how we are both older and single and feeling heartbroken because of it. We shared experiences making us feel "invisible" We related back and forth some of our emotions and experiences. We agreed about how the "younger" girls can be pretty naive. How they basically throw themselves at any new guy in the ward especially the older guys (who come few and far between) and then of course we get stuck lonely still. It's hard to constantly see this happen. The guys tend to ask out the younger girls, who also happen to tend to be skinnier. Jane and I are by no means ugly, we attend the Temple regularly, have gone to school and work hard. But yet it seems that even though we are more knowledgeable in many aspects of life, and more stable in our professions we are not the ones being taken out on the weekends. We can both keep a house, we are both quite good cooks and can raise children. We are ready for the marriage role! Not saying that the younger girls are not, but we are more experienced in many ways and prepared for it. Yet we sit alone frequently on Fri and Sat night, (or we are out with other girls), It's hurtful! It is so hard to be optimistic about getting married and starting a family when we don't even get asked on dates! We talked about how frequently many people will talk about having been out on Sat night and usually in large groups of people, but yet we were not invited along. I enjoy karaoke on Sat nights and it seems that people frequently mention to me they want to go sometime, but yet when I invite people they don't come. When I don't invite they are mad I didn't. But yet all these people who I will occasionally invite don't ever return the favor! It's hurtful!
There is a gal in our ward who frequently has people over at her house. I've heard it's basically an open invite to whomever would like to go, and we have a mutual friend who has told me she has asked why I don't go over and hang out..... I have told this mutual friend that it's because I've never been invited. She tells me to just go. But personally even though I know it's going on and I would be allowed to join in, I don't feel right showing up uninvited! I think it is rude and yet even though it is supposedly an "open invite" nobody ever really does any inviting! So they have the group of people who go there and hang out! For the most part I don't think the people who go change around much! We talked about this stuff. I told Jane I've been thinking about all that same stuff too!
All my life, I have never been one to wear make-up much. I have always been one to feel that sometimes people wear too much make-up, they tend to hide behind it like a mask and can sometimes be pretty fake. Aside from being overweight I do have a pretty good self image usually. I have always felt very confident in my looks without make up. I do know the difference with it on, and it has always been that when I did wear it I would get more compliments. So I would usually save make-up for times when I wanted to dress up a little bit, or when I wanted to impress someone. I would save it for the times I was feeling down and wanted to be complimented so I would feel better. I go through stages sometimes and would wear it more for awhile then go back to nothing again. But lately I have been looking in the mirror a lot more! I have been noticing my flaws that I didn't seem to have or notice before. I have been starting to wear make-up more! I decided maybe that's what I need in order to feel less invisible. To be invited along for dinner parties, or to go hang out at someones house. Maybe it's what I need to get a date! It probably does boost my confidence, maybe I smile more when I actually have it on. I don't know for sure, I think I smile a lot anyway.... So last night Jane and I had this meaningful conversation about feeling invisible and being able to relate to each other's experiences (since they are pretty much the same for the most part)
Then today I went to my weight watchers meeting.... I've been going for several months now. I have lost some weight and have gone up and down a little bit in that time, but this has all been during this trial of knee injury and surgery... so even though I wish it was more I'm mostly only down about 12 pounds. It's hard when it's mostly by diet only. I am barely now starting to be able to tolerate more activity again and even that is limited. It's frustrating. So today at my meeting when it started my meeting leader was talking about someone in her meeting before ours. This girl couldn't find her card and jokingly made the comment "I'm invisible". I really made me think a lot about my conversation from last night with Jane. It made me think about how often I get disappointed with the way things are in my life. How I frequently feel like I am being ignored or am invisible to others! As the conversation was going in my meeting I was almost ready to start crying.... than my leader told us what she had told that girl... she said "you are never invisible in weight watchers". I realized how true that statement is! I am struggling with my weight loss, I am struggling to get "back on my feet" in a literal sense of the word but my leader is amazing!! She is right, no matter how I feel about myself she is there! She always acknowledges me! She knows my face, my name and who I am! I am not invisible!
I've thought about this a lot today. Tonight at FHE the lesson was about the Savior. He referenced the "Footprints in the Sand" poem! I know that my Heavenly Father loves me! I am not now, nor will I ever be invisible to him! I know that my Savior loves me and died on the cross for me! I am so thankful for the atonement! I know that I am noticed. With or without make-up people do see me! I know that when the time is right I will get asked out on a date, and I will form a relationship and will eventually be married! What a blessing that will be. In the meantime I need to remember not to let myself feel invisible! I need to remember who I am (A Daughter of God) and know that I am on the right path. I will keep working on getting my knee back to full use, I will keep monitoring my eating so that I can lose more weight, and as often as I feel necessary I will wear make-up. I won't hide in the shadows anymore. I will run in the sunlight and be visible! Once and for all!
Last night was ward cookie night. Where after church we go home and make cookies or brownies or whatever and at 7pm we all meet up with goodies at Bishops house. We have a spiritual thought and then we eat goodies and mingle until we all meander home again. It is a pretty popular activity and usually fairly fun too. While there I got to talking with one of the girls in my ward, for privacy sake I will call her "Jane" so we had been in the kitchen and chatting a little when Jane asked me if I wanted to join her sitting on the couch instead. So I did and we wandered into the other room. Sometime within a short time frame of us going into that room Bishop turned on a comedy video he had referenced earlier in the other room. So mostly everyone else went into there. Jane and I stayed where we were and talked. We talked a lot and shed a few tears about how we are both older and single and feeling heartbroken because of it. We shared experiences making us feel "invisible" We related back and forth some of our emotions and experiences. We agreed about how the "younger" girls can be pretty naive. How they basically throw themselves at any new guy in the ward especially the older guys (who come few and far between) and then of course we get stuck lonely still. It's hard to constantly see this happen. The guys tend to ask out the younger girls, who also happen to tend to be skinnier. Jane and I are by no means ugly, we attend the Temple regularly, have gone to school and work hard. But yet it seems that even though we are more knowledgeable in many aspects of life, and more stable in our professions we are not the ones being taken out on the weekends. We can both keep a house, we are both quite good cooks and can raise children. We are ready for the marriage role! Not saying that the younger girls are not, but we are more experienced in many ways and prepared for it. Yet we sit alone frequently on Fri and Sat night, (or we are out with other girls), It's hurtful! It is so hard to be optimistic about getting married and starting a family when we don't even get asked on dates! We talked about how frequently many people will talk about having been out on Sat night and usually in large groups of people, but yet we were not invited along. I enjoy karaoke on Sat nights and it seems that people frequently mention to me they want to go sometime, but yet when I invite people they don't come. When I don't invite they are mad I didn't. But yet all these people who I will occasionally invite don't ever return the favor! It's hurtful!
There is a gal in our ward who frequently has people over at her house. I've heard it's basically an open invite to whomever would like to go, and we have a mutual friend who has told me she has asked why I don't go over and hang out..... I have told this mutual friend that it's because I've never been invited. She tells me to just go. But personally even though I know it's going on and I would be allowed to join in, I don't feel right showing up uninvited! I think it is rude and yet even though it is supposedly an "open invite" nobody ever really does any inviting! So they have the group of people who go there and hang out! For the most part I don't think the people who go change around much! We talked about this stuff. I told Jane I've been thinking about all that same stuff too!
All my life, I have never been one to wear make-up much. I have always been one to feel that sometimes people wear too much make-up, they tend to hide behind it like a mask and can sometimes be pretty fake. Aside from being overweight I do have a pretty good self image usually. I have always felt very confident in my looks without make up. I do know the difference with it on, and it has always been that when I did wear it I would get more compliments. So I would usually save make-up for times when I wanted to dress up a little bit, or when I wanted to impress someone. I would save it for the times I was feeling down and wanted to be complimented so I would feel better. I go through stages sometimes and would wear it more for awhile then go back to nothing again. But lately I have been looking in the mirror a lot more! I have been noticing my flaws that I didn't seem to have or notice before. I have been starting to wear make-up more! I decided maybe that's what I need in order to feel less invisible. To be invited along for dinner parties, or to go hang out at someones house. Maybe it's what I need to get a date! It probably does boost my confidence, maybe I smile more when I actually have it on. I don't know for sure, I think I smile a lot anyway.... So last night Jane and I had this meaningful conversation about feeling invisible and being able to relate to each other's experiences (since they are pretty much the same for the most part)
Then today I went to my weight watchers meeting.... I've been going for several months now. I have lost some weight and have gone up and down a little bit in that time, but this has all been during this trial of knee injury and surgery... so even though I wish it was more I'm mostly only down about 12 pounds. It's hard when it's mostly by diet only. I am barely now starting to be able to tolerate more activity again and even that is limited. It's frustrating. So today at my meeting when it started my meeting leader was talking about someone in her meeting before ours. This girl couldn't find her card and jokingly made the comment "I'm invisible". I really made me think a lot about my conversation from last night with Jane. It made me think about how often I get disappointed with the way things are in my life. How I frequently feel like I am being ignored or am invisible to others! As the conversation was going in my meeting I was almost ready to start crying.... than my leader told us what she had told that girl... she said "you are never invisible in weight watchers". I realized how true that statement is! I am struggling with my weight loss, I am struggling to get "back on my feet" in a literal sense of the word but my leader is amazing!! She is right, no matter how I feel about myself she is there! She always acknowledges me! She knows my face, my name and who I am! I am not invisible!
I've thought about this a lot today. Tonight at FHE the lesson was about the Savior. He referenced the "Footprints in the Sand" poem! I know that my Heavenly Father loves me! I am not now, nor will I ever be invisible to him! I know that my Savior loves me and died on the cross for me! I am so thankful for the atonement! I know that I am noticed. With or without make-up people do see me! I know that when the time is right I will get asked out on a date, and I will form a relationship and will eventually be married! What a blessing that will be. In the meantime I need to remember not to let myself feel invisible! I need to remember who I am (A Daughter of God) and know that I am on the right path. I will keep working on getting my knee back to full use, I will keep monitoring my eating so that I can lose more weight, and as often as I feel necessary I will wear make-up. I won't hide in the shadows anymore. I will run in the sunlight and be visible! Once and for all!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
No news....
Well I don't know if no news is good news or bad news, but it's news anyway.... or rather not I guess :) I haven't had much happen lately that I am super excited about in order to blog it. I mean I've got a lot on my plate but I usually do so that's nothing really. I went to the ZOO last week! It was so much fun! Even though I am older I love looking at the animals I especially enjoy the elephants! They are such amazing and yet simple creatures! It's incredible how large but yet so calm they are! I recently read a fictional book about elephants and it made me cry.... and now I am reading another one.... although I don't know if I'll cry again. It's quite likely I suppose! I bought myself my very first IPOD! Woohoo.....
I look back on my life and often wonder "how did I get here?" I am surprised how things change so easily and so gradually and yet it all seems to go by so fast! I miss working most of all! I can't believe a year ago I was back at work by now from my previous knee surgery and now I am wondering when I'll get to return again... and I am still wondering if I should return to the ambulance or do dispatch. I know there are so many benefits I can expect being in dispatch with finances and less impact on my knee and so forth, but there are so many things I miss about the ambulance! The blood the guts the gore! :) Just kidding... it is hard to explain though, it's not that you want people getting hurt and stuff but the adrenaline of a call is something not to be explained! The feeling of accomplishment when you know you've made a difference in a life! The blessings of meeting so many people of various ages and walks of life! I have heard so many amazing stories from elderly patients that make me wish my grandparents on my dad's side lived a lot longer! I miss them! I know a dispatcher job would benefit me in so many ways and yet I still want to cry when I see an ambulance. I feel so helpless when they come by and I think of where they may be going and what they may be required to do. I mean I know the job had it's negatives, I mean I don't even always like cleaning my own car or house, so what makes me want to clean an ambulance and station? But I did it without complaint. I get full nights of sleep now.... but I also am bored frequently sitting at home! I have read over a dozen books so far this year already... I would probably still have read nearly as many if I was working though which is the cool thing about it... but I would've felt better while doing it, because when working I know that at any time I could be required to stop to go potentially save a life! I cannot believe this year alone I have already read, or re-read:
Harry Potter 2-7 (I had re-read 1 back in Dec)
Tales of Beedle the Bard
Twilight series (all 4 books, which I had read for the first time back in Dec)
Orpheus... which is a Novel Betty wrote that I was privileged to get a "sneak peek" of!
Hanna's Dream (the elephant book I mentioned)
Pride and Prejudice
I also read my scriptures and the occasional magazine, or newspaper and such as well. Um I can't think of any more right now so that must be it.... but there are a few I am working on too.... Life is crazy! But I am thankful for books! I am actually looking to invest in another bookshelf or storage unit of some sort because of my abundance of books, dvd's and cd's, I also have a lot of games too! But too bad I never have people to play them with....
Well I guess that's about it! Life continues for me. I still have no prince charming, no knight in shining armor... no mr right.... but I haven't given up hope that he is out there and looking for me! We just need to find each other!
I look back on my life and often wonder "how did I get here?" I am surprised how things change so easily and so gradually and yet it all seems to go by so fast! I miss working most of all! I can't believe a year ago I was back at work by now from my previous knee surgery and now I am wondering when I'll get to return again... and I am still wondering if I should return to the ambulance or do dispatch. I know there are so many benefits I can expect being in dispatch with finances and less impact on my knee and so forth, but there are so many things I miss about the ambulance! The blood the guts the gore! :) Just kidding... it is hard to explain though, it's not that you want people getting hurt and stuff but the adrenaline of a call is something not to be explained! The feeling of accomplishment when you know you've made a difference in a life! The blessings of meeting so many people of various ages and walks of life! I have heard so many amazing stories from elderly patients that make me wish my grandparents on my dad's side lived a lot longer! I miss them! I know a dispatcher job would benefit me in so many ways and yet I still want to cry when I see an ambulance. I feel so helpless when they come by and I think of where they may be going and what they may be required to do. I mean I know the job had it's negatives, I mean I don't even always like cleaning my own car or house, so what makes me want to clean an ambulance and station? But I did it without complaint. I get full nights of sleep now.... but I also am bored frequently sitting at home! I have read over a dozen books so far this year already... I would probably still have read nearly as many if I was working though which is the cool thing about it... but I would've felt better while doing it, because when working I know that at any time I could be required to stop to go potentially save a life! I cannot believe this year alone I have already read, or re-read:
Harry Potter 2-7 (I had re-read 1 back in Dec)
Tales of Beedle the Bard
Twilight series (all 4 books, which I had read for the first time back in Dec)
Orpheus... which is a Novel Betty wrote that I was privileged to get a "sneak peek" of!
Hanna's Dream (the elephant book I mentioned)
Pride and Prejudice
I also read my scriptures and the occasional magazine, or newspaper and such as well. Um I can't think of any more right now so that must be it.... but there are a few I am working on too.... Life is crazy! But I am thankful for books! I am actually looking to invest in another bookshelf or storage unit of some sort because of my abundance of books, dvd's and cd's, I also have a lot of games too! But too bad I never have people to play them with....
Well I guess that's about it! Life continues for me. I still have no prince charming, no knight in shining armor... no mr right.... but I haven't given up hope that he is out there and looking for me! We just need to find each other!
Friday, April 10, 2009
Migraines
For a few years now I have had problems with migraine headaches. But they are kind of sporatic and I have been having a hard time finding a trigger for them. I usually will be fine for several weeks if not months than all of a sudden I will get them a lot. Thats the stage I am in now, today is the 3rd or 4th day in a row! UGh! Go away now headache I have had enough! That's all I have to say
Monday, April 6, 2009
Olives in the garden
So this last week was a really fun one for me! On Weds my twin Renee came home for a brief visit. She flew in on Weds morning and we went to lunch and hung out a little bit. After that we went to her mom's school to surprise her. Her mom thought she was flying in on Thurs morning but instead for April Fools she came earlier. (Actually it was planned for the first originally but she told her mom the 2nd and gave her "fake" flight info, that was actually info for a real thurs flight) So after that she hung out with her mom and her family for the night while I came home and made a ramp to use for an electric wheelchair I borrowed. On Thurs she, her parents and I went to Disneyland. We had a lot of fun together! It was a chilly day but I think that is way better than it being super hot. With the only exception is avoiding the water rides because of the temperature outside.
Than on Fri, my mom, Renee, her cat Anya and I drove to Utah. I have always loved road trips! It's way exciting to listen to music and watch the scenery. Renee and I would normally read books out loud to each other but with my mom this time we didn't. Although during the drive I did finish a book I have been reading. I really enjoyed it. On Sat in the afternoon my mom and I went to General Conference for church. Afterwards we hung out with Renee, Veronica and Raliegh for awhile until Raliegh went to priesthood session. We walked around temple square and went to Deseret Book for girls night. Then we went to dinner at the Olive Garden. Raleigh met us there after priesthood.
THat was when the night got fun.... Renee put some sugar in my raspberry lemonade... I don't know for sure if that was the reason, but I got a little hyper. First when I tried to unroll my napkin I dropped my silverware to the floor.... than I was just laughing at a bunch of stuff. I was joking around about not being able to see when i would remove my glasses to clean them. At one point while cleaning them I was like "hey that guy looks familiar" and I think it was Renee who said "they probably all do because you can't see anybody" (or something along those lines) so i pretended to call "Jimmy" than I was like "Oh nevermind I thought you were someone I knew, but now that I have my glasses on I can see you're much uglier" I know that's kinda mean but it was kinda funny too. And I wasn't actually talking to Jimmy or anyone else it was all at a level that only the people at my table could hear mostly. I was also joking around with Raliegh because Renee and I were sending stupid texts back and forth to each other and he commented about it and how I was probably saying the waiter was cute or something. (after which she jokingly did text me that which made me laugh even more) And so I told Raleigh "he just heard you say that and turned around to walk away, but when he comes back do you want me to let him know how you feel?" also at one point I was trying to stretch my legs out under the table and I kicked Raleigh so he asked if I was trying to play footsie with him. I told him no that I was trying to stretch but that normally because I am so short it isn't a problem that I kick whoever is across from me! Oops! So then also at the beginning because we were there before Raleigh we got the salad and breadsticks and were eating that before ordering and there were 4 olives in the salad and renee and I each had 2. Renee said "for a place called Olive Garden there aren't very many olives in the garden" so we asked the waiter and he was like "no it's one per person" he also told us he had recently learned olives don't even grow in gardens but on trees. (Which I already knew because I am allergic to olive trees) So before Raliegh got there the waiter brought us another bowl of salad. I ate the olives from it and then shifted around the stuff on top so you couldn't tell I had done it. In the meanwhile Veronica had gone to the front of the restaurant to show him where we were sitting. So when he sat down we were talking and stuff and he asked if we had ordered. We told him no we waited for him but not with the salad and breadsticks. So he was having some salad and I was like "renee even asked the waiter why.." and then I stopped myself and was like "nevermind she didn't ask him anything" because I knew I had eaten the olives and didn't know if he would've wanted any. SO Renee my mom and I were all laughing and Veronica and Raleigh didn't know why! It was so funny. At one point the waiter came over and filled my lemonade and I didn't even notice. I drank half the glass than realized it had been filled. Renee laughed at me for not noticing. SO then the waiter came to take our orders and I was alsking a lot of questions and stuff and I told him there was an "incident and that there was silverware under the table" and at one point I said something and he was like "you're funny" Need less to say I burned a lot of calories from laughing at dinner that night! There were people at two tables nearby that I think were very glad when we left because I was making jokes and we were all laughing so much they probably thought we were drunk. It's all Renee's fault for spiking my lemonade with that sugar packet!!!
Then we went back to Renee's and I did my leg exercises and put my ice on my leg. It felt good to stretch it and I went to sleep with the ice on that night because I hadn't iced it in a few days and had been doing a lot of walking and a lot of stairs that day! Than yesterday my mom and I went to the morning session of conference. Afterwards we visited with a friend, and than we went back to Renee's and packed our bags and the car. We had some lunch at her house and left as the afternoon session started. We listened to it on the radio while driving. It was a long day driving home but we made it back super late and super tired! Overall it was a long.... too short, but fun weekend.
Than on Fri, my mom, Renee, her cat Anya and I drove to Utah. I have always loved road trips! It's way exciting to listen to music and watch the scenery. Renee and I would normally read books out loud to each other but with my mom this time we didn't. Although during the drive I did finish a book I have been reading. I really enjoyed it. On Sat in the afternoon my mom and I went to General Conference for church. Afterwards we hung out with Renee, Veronica and Raliegh for awhile until Raliegh went to priesthood session. We walked around temple square and went to Deseret Book for girls night. Then we went to dinner at the Olive Garden. Raleigh met us there after priesthood.
THat was when the night got fun.... Renee put some sugar in my raspberry lemonade... I don't know for sure if that was the reason, but I got a little hyper. First when I tried to unroll my napkin I dropped my silverware to the floor.... than I was just laughing at a bunch of stuff. I was joking around about not being able to see when i would remove my glasses to clean them. At one point while cleaning them I was like "hey that guy looks familiar" and I think it was Renee who said "they probably all do because you can't see anybody" (or something along those lines) so i pretended to call "Jimmy" than I was like "Oh nevermind I thought you were someone I knew, but now that I have my glasses on I can see you're much uglier" I know that's kinda mean but it was kinda funny too. And I wasn't actually talking to Jimmy or anyone else it was all at a level that only the people at my table could hear mostly. I was also joking around with Raliegh because Renee and I were sending stupid texts back and forth to each other and he commented about it and how I was probably saying the waiter was cute or something. (after which she jokingly did text me that which made me laugh even more) And so I told Raleigh "he just heard you say that and turned around to walk away, but when he comes back do you want me to let him know how you feel?" also at one point I was trying to stretch my legs out under the table and I kicked Raleigh so he asked if I was trying to play footsie with him. I told him no that I was trying to stretch but that normally because I am so short it isn't a problem that I kick whoever is across from me! Oops! So then also at the beginning because we were there before Raleigh we got the salad and breadsticks and were eating that before ordering and there were 4 olives in the salad and renee and I each had 2. Renee said "for a place called Olive Garden there aren't very many olives in the garden" so we asked the waiter and he was like "no it's one per person" he also told us he had recently learned olives don't even grow in gardens but on trees. (Which I already knew because I am allergic to olive trees) So before Raliegh got there the waiter brought us another bowl of salad. I ate the olives from it and then shifted around the stuff on top so you couldn't tell I had done it. In the meanwhile Veronica had gone to the front of the restaurant to show him where we were sitting. So when he sat down we were talking and stuff and he asked if we had ordered. We told him no we waited for him but not with the salad and breadsticks. So he was having some salad and I was like "renee even asked the waiter why.." and then I stopped myself and was like "nevermind she didn't ask him anything" because I knew I had eaten the olives and didn't know if he would've wanted any. SO Renee my mom and I were all laughing and Veronica and Raleigh didn't know why! It was so funny. At one point the waiter came over and filled my lemonade and I didn't even notice. I drank half the glass than realized it had been filled. Renee laughed at me for not noticing. SO then the waiter came to take our orders and I was alsking a lot of questions and stuff and I told him there was an "incident and that there was silverware under the table" and at one point I said something and he was like "you're funny" Need less to say I burned a lot of calories from laughing at dinner that night! There were people at two tables nearby that I think were very glad when we left because I was making jokes and we were all laughing so much they probably thought we were drunk. It's all Renee's fault for spiking my lemonade with that sugar packet!!!
Then we went back to Renee's and I did my leg exercises and put my ice on my leg. It felt good to stretch it and I went to sleep with the ice on that night because I hadn't iced it in a few days and had been doing a lot of walking and a lot of stairs that day! Than yesterday my mom and I went to the morning session of conference. Afterwards we visited with a friend, and than we went back to Renee's and packed our bags and the car. We had some lunch at her house and left as the afternoon session started. We listened to it on the radio while driving. It was a long day driving home but we made it back super late and super tired! Overall it was a long.... too short, but fun weekend.
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